Mother's Helper "Ettiquete"

amother

Blonde

Fri, Jul 03 2015, 10:43 am

I have 3 young kids and a husband who works very long hours. I have decided to hire a mother's helper - a young girl to be available as another set of hands.

I have a cleaner once a week but still need help managing most afternoons and evenings.

What is appropriate to ask her to do?

I don't need her to wash my floors, but is it ok to ask her to sweep/vaccuum the playroom?
May I ask her to bathe a child or is that inappropriate?
How about washing dishes?

These are things that my husband would have helped me with, if he would've been home more often.

I appreciate everyone's input.

PAMOM

Fri, Jul 03 2015, 10:48 am

How old is the helper? If she's 12 or above, I'd say she can bathe the kids (not an infant though). Sweeping and vacuuming are ok as is loading a dishwasher or doing laundry. A mother's hrlper usual helps with the kids and their stuff (straightening their room, watching them) and light housekeeping.

watergirl

Fri, Jul 03 2015, 10:49 am

I dont think its appropriate to ask her to do any of those things. A mothers helper is there to play with the kids while the mother is in the house, and busy doing house work. Her job is to free you from minding the children so you can tend to household duties. Not to do the work youd have your husband do.

Raisin

Fri, Jul 03 2015, 11:01 am

Personally I would prefer more cleaning help then a mothers helper, and it sounds like that is what you need.

But I think bathing a child, cleaning up toys, playing with kids and doing homework with them is appropriate.

BetsyTacy

Fri, Jul 03 2015, 11:46 am

If you are expecting someone to work as a cleaner, then you should pay a cleaner's wages, which are usually higher than a babysitter's wages. A mother's helper usually makes the least of all because she is playing with kids while knowing that at any moment, she can call on the mom if she gets out of her depth. I say she, but a boy can also do what I think of as mother's helpers responsibilities--entertain the other kids while the mom either focuses on one kid (bathing) or does the housework. The mother's helper reads the story book or plays Candyland for the millionth time, she does not do the supper dishes for the measly pay she makes. This of course assumes you are using the term mother's helper as I do- a 10 or 11 year old child who is not old enough to make babysitting wages, but is old enough to make some money without being taken advantage of.

ra_mom

Fri, Jul 03 2015, 2:14 pm

I agree with raisin. Child related tasks like picking up the toys together with the kids after playing (establish good habits with the kids from a young age) and bathing can be part of a mother's helper job.
The floors and dishes wouldn't be fair. Though plastic ware might be a good option for you during this time.

granolamom

Fri, Jul 03 2015, 6:42 pm

I agree with ra_mom and raisin, but, if you want her to wash dishes and sweep, make that very clear when you interview her. I worked as a mothers helper when I was a teenager and I was really unhappy when my employer added tasks to our original agreement half way through the summer. I was in no position to complain, I had no way of finding another job at that point and couldnt afford to be without a job but had I known what I was in for I would not have taken that job.

I have also hired a teenager to be 'an extra set of hands' one summer, and it has its pros and cons. I did ask her to help clean up toys, etc that the kids played with while she was with them, but did not expect her to do any other cleaning. I also would not ask a mothers helper to bathe the kids unless it was agreed upon at the beginning.
and I paid my mothers helper the same as I would pay a babysitter, but I also wanted flexibility and option of leaving her home with the kids here and there or dropping her off at the park with some of the kids, etc.
I think anything goes if you are upfront about your expectations in the beginning. however, if youre expectations are too high, you wont find anyone willing to work for you. and from experience, I recommend a trial day or two to see if you and your kids enjoy spending time with this person.

amother

Amethyst

Sat, Jul 04 2015, 5:17 pm

I think you can ask her to do anything you want and she has the choice whether to take the job or not. I do not like paying someone to enjoy my kids' company while I do the housework. I want to be with my kids!

I've also been on the other side and been perfectly happy to wash dishes/sweep floors etc while the mother bathes and puts the kids to bed. Often the kids want their mommy at that time of day anyway, which puts the mother's helper in an awkward position. Much easier to do the dishes etc than deal with kvetchy kids. I would never have expected the same wage as a cleaner, as these are just light household chores.

amother

Black

Sat, Jul 04 2015, 10:43 pm

Here is what I asked from my mother's helpers over the years and I stated it upfront and clearly and they were happy to help.

Helping with making food, salad, supper, cakes, shabbos prep, peeling veggies was fine.
Washing dishes only if I was desperate
Entertaining kids including reading books and using educational materials to teach new things whether it was abc or colors.
Folding and putting away laundry. (Surprisingly they enjoyed this!)
Watching kids playing outdoors including learning to ride a bike and going to the park.
Changing diapers and dressing kids for bed.

Note: the girls I hired were older teens and warm caring girls who were happy to go above and beyond what I asked. I cultivated this by showing concern about them and offering to do things for them above and beyond what I needed to. Such as getting them treats from a store or letting them use my computer.

To keep in mind, ask for help with clean chores not dirty ones. handling something dirty doesnt feel good but handling clean laundry is pleasant. (Better to give them only the kids clothing, not your own, to fold and put away. )