How strict are you about your kids cleaning up?

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 10:56 pm

I find myself becoming hyper-aggravated on a daily basis with the condition of the playroom and my children's bedrooms and bath.

Towels on the floor.
Dirty clothes on the floor.
Papers and art projects and books everywhere.
Playroom a total disaster area.

I feel that children their age can and should be able to keep these areas it order. Every day. (My youngest is 6). But it's just a constant, daily struggle. Neither threat of punishment or promise of reward seem to make any difference. Where am I going wrong?

DH and I BOTH work hard to keep the rest of the house in excellent cleanliness and order. We are certainly setting the example.

I am curious as to what other mothers expect from their children.
Do you expect your kids to clean their own rooms (I am not talking about dusting and sweeping here. Just keeping the floor clear, tops of dressers neat, bed made, closet in reasonable order)?
Do you expect your kids to keep the bathroom they use neat (no towels and dirty clothes on the floor, no tissues on the floor, not junk left all over the vanity - again, not talking scrubbing the toilets here)?
Do you think a playroom should be tidied up by your kids on a daily basis?
Or do you have someone cleaning up after your kids (you yourself or a housekeeper)?
Or do you allow them to mostly leave a mess so long as things are set straight now and then, like maybe once a week before shabbos?
I am just so curious about this since I feel like I have hit a brick wall and wonder if I expect too much or what.

P.S...If anyone has any ideas to motivate my kids, that's also greatly appreciated.

Oh, one more thing... just wanted to add (not that I think it should even matter) that I am talking about girls. I have only one son and he actually keeps his room and his toys quite tidy. It's the girls who are slobs and making me crazy.

mummiedearest

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 11:03 pm

I make them clean their rooms once a week before shabbos, to my specifications. they get rewarded for keeping them clean during the week as well, but I don't push it. my kids are not organized by nature. it's important to me that they know how to clean. when the mess starts to get to them, they'll know how to fix it. I close their doors between cleanings, for the most part. I do expect them to remove their clothing from the bathroom floors. that doesn't mean it gets done regularly, though. they are asked to pick up their toys, but I finally moved the vast majority of toys to their rooms. this way I don't have to yell at them to clean the living room quite so often. I do clean up after them sometimes, but I usually leave it for them to do.

amother

Navy

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 11:13 pm

I live in a really small apartment and everything always needs to be its place or it looks a wreck. The kids do have to put away their toys before bed. With dh or I helping or directing. They get a small allowance for cleaning their room before shabbos. Giving the money has really helped the struggle. The children of cleaning age are 8 and 5. I do not have cleaning help and the few dollars a week is pennies and they do end up helping. Once they are in helping mode, they will watxh the baby so I can clean and often voluntarily set the table. It really has changed the atmosphere.
If they dont help on Fridays, they do not get their 1 - 2$. Some may disagree with this method but BH its working for us and my kids hated cleaning and probably still do Smile

IMHopinion

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 11:19 pm

No clothes on the floor.
Shoes cannot be mid way where someone can trip.
Tissues must be put in the garbage.
Stuff like toys, games, papers I do together with them, or if I'm not in the mood of forcing them, then I do it myself later at night, or shove it to a side where nobody sees it 😄.

If stuff (garbage In my opinion , but precious to them) is left out, then they risk me putting it in the garbage. Totally depends on my mood!
Sometimes I make a neat pile in a corner, sometimes it gets dumped.
I obviously don't throw out anything of value.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 12:03 am

DH can't stand mess. The kids must make their beds and leave their rooms tidy before leaving for school. DH throws out their stuff if is left lying around. DH and the kids prepare the house for shabbos while I cook.

From an early age they were trained not to leave their towels and to help with the housework. I can't do it all and I have a DH with high expectations. He helps even though he works a lot of hours and I am a SAHM. Because he is willing to wake up early and clean, I can't complain about his extra stringencies. He has the kids keep their rooms organized because the know he will dump their rooms if they are not tidy.

Since he is so strict, I am able to take the easier roll by giving them the reminders. I also "help them" tidy and they are grateful for my help rather than me nagging them to help me. Not surprisingly my house is tidy and neat with everyone helping.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 1:13 am

DH and I are laid back and rather "clutter-y" - and DD follows our example. embarrassed

I don't care if the bed is made. As a child I never saw the point, and I like to air out the covers anyway. As for toys, if they are in her room, I just need a clear walkway so that I don't step on anything. I ask her to put her dirty laundry in the hamper on washing days, or directly into the washing machine if it's empty at the time.

I try to keep the living room presentable, but right now our house is too small, and we have too much stuff. We're getting ready to move, so trying to keep everything looking organized is out of the question. I figure as long as things are sanitary and nobody is getting food poisoning, then a few dolls and books here and there isn't going to kill anybody (as long as you don't trip over them!)

At cleanup time, I've found the best way to get cooperation is to wait until DD wants to do something like use my computer. If I just ask her to clean up, she can shlep it out for an hour, with loads of drama and whining. If she wants to get on to another activity, she can clean up cheerfully in 5 minutes flat. I just have to catch her when I can motivate her.

DH is another issue. He only cleans up his computer, seforim, and work papers a half an hour before Shabbos. The rest of the week he takes over the whole dining room table. Confused

chani8

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 2:09 am

The reason people are slobs is either personality based, or social psychological. It's normal psychology for people in a group to think 'someone else' is going to . . . clean up the mess, in this case. So don't judge this as bad manners, because it's normal human behavior.

Regarding your expectations, I suggest you look at each child as an individual and assess their personality type, and from that, determine realistic expectations of them. Some people are on the slob end of the scale, and it's not their fault, it's just how they are. They don't think like you or me. No need to judge. Differences are good.

That said, it's understandable that you want a tidy home. Perhaps if you think like an occupational therapist, you could come up with ways to make your home adaptable to slob-type personalities.

For example, if they don't take care of their clothes, they get two baskets, one for clean and one for dirty and I dont care if they leave their clean clothes in the clean basket instead of putting them in the closet. As long as the floor is mess-free and garbage free. A trash can in every room keeps the mess down.

In my family, until my kids were late teens, I found it took way less energy cleaning up after everyone, than trying to motivate them (which usually turned into yelling and shaming). And now, my girls keep the house clean, and last night my 'spoiled' son took care of feeding the baby a bottle in the middle of the night. IMO, you will get nachas if you keep a cheerful attitude and show them how a house should look, and teach them what they can do to keep it looking nice. Just don't expect them to get it until they want to.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jun 30 2015, 11:06 pm

Some people just don't see a mess. For real. I am like that sort of.
I mean I can see if a room is a pigsty, but when it's not extremely obvious I just don't even notice or care that things are out. Me and my dh could be in the same room and he'll think it is messy and I'll say "mess? where?". To me things being out don't stand out as a mess, I only think it's a mess when it's tons of stuff.

So maybe your kids are like that?
Another thing, I find sometimes my kids are so in the mood of cleaning/tidying and sometimes they're just so not. I'm not sure what makes them in the mood, but I think when they feel like they're surprising me they love it. I'm not sure how that helps you though with motivating them. Maybe making it into a game? "I'm going out of this room for 5 minutes I wonder what will be off the floor when I come back!"
Cleaning up is just not a pleasant activity and I totally get it.

good luck!

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jun 30 2015, 11:12 pm

Oh I forgot to answer your main question. I am not so strict about my kids cleaning up. But that's mainly because like I said It takes me time till I notice it's messy, and also I don't set such a great example in the rest of my home and I don't want to seem like a hypocrite. So that sounds different than you.

HAving said that, I do want their room to have a basic standard of neatness and I can't always do it myself (though sometimes I do just find it easier), I definitely am not on top of it every day but when I do want it done, they need my help. I think some people have a harder time cleaning up than others. If I sit there and direct them they're much better off. "chaya please put all your laundry in the hamper. esty, please pick up anything that's a arts and crafts thing and put in the drawer, etc..."

israelgirl

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 3:10 pm

To me, cleanliness and order is important as I think that it adds to the atmosphere and creates less tension just by having seder.

My children are young, but just because of habit, they know where things go and where to put them. They come home from playgroup, and hang up their bakpacks, and put their shoes in the shoe drawer. (it helps to have a place for EVERYTHING) that way they just know what to do with it. Arts and Crafts they take out of their bags, show it to me and we hang it up together straight away on the magnet board that rotates each week. When they undress for a shower I always tell THEM please put your clothing in the hamper. By now, its just habit and I don't need to say it. They put their dishes in the sink when they are done eating , and its in a stress free way because they are used to it.

Just yesterday I had such nachas from my DS, who is 3, because the garbage can was full so he opened the drawer under the sink, took out a new garbage bag and hung it on the kitchen door and threw out his cup. He told me the garbage is full, so I took another bag.

My point is, if the mother is on top of it, and they see that you are constantly maintaining order, I think they'll pick up on it. A few reminders don't hurt in a pleasant way.

That being said, this Shabbos they made a HUGE mess with the toys while I was preoccupied with something. They then went to read a book on the couch and I went quietly and put away all the toys. Afterwards I called them to see that everything was put away and told them, "mommy was so happy to do this chessed for you and put away the mess you made because you were so patient while mommy was busy." Kids learn from example. Making games for clean up helps as well.

alittlebirdie

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 3:19 pm

Some cleanup games: 1 I spy color_ and kid has to piick up things of that color 2 I am thinking of a thing I see on the floor everyone has to keep picking things up. And the person who picks up the thing I had in mind is thw winner. 3 every time you pick up 10 things from the floorr u get a_. 4 hiddden tressure under the pile of toys put away the toys to find it. 6 sticker charts sometimes work

amother

Cerise

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 4:29 pm

My kids have set chores around the house, and get money for extra chores. If they make me do their work (picking up their dirty clothes, or wet towels, or garbage), they pay me. So usually to get towels off the floor, I just have to loudly say, "Oh good, I'm going to make some money!"

I do have to say that on a semi-regular basis.

During the week I don't usually make my kids clean their rooms. Only if it gets really bad. They have to clean up toys or games that they took out, and to clean their rooms once a week. Like FranticFrummie, I tie it to a fun activity they want to do. Like, we'll go to the library once Monopoly is picked up, or, if everyone's room is clean they get to watch a movie.

amother

Ruby

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 8:40 pm

My kids aged 3, 4, 6 and 7 all clean up after themselves.

We live in a small two bedroom flat so all our toys are in boxes and get taken out generally one type at a time, we clean up that mess of little lego etc and then go to the next thing.

Most mornings the three older ones make their beds and fold their p'j's and they put their own cereal bowl in the sink.

I am pretty much almost OCD Smile

in my cleanliness so my house is always clean and tidy and I hate clutter so there is never any.

I don't have to push my kids to do anything it is pretty much expected and setting the table for dinner the two older boys take turns night by night. If one makes a fuss because he can't be bothered he will just have to do it the next night too.. so that fuss doesnt usually happen. Smile

I do find my oldest can hang some washing already and do a bit more stuff so when I need the extra hand I ask him and he is always happy to help.

staten islander

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 8:59 pm

My kids rooms and drawers are very neat 95% of the time. I am very organized by nature.From a very young age,I trained them that :
1) Everything has a place.This means that all the toys are organized in bins, drawers have dividers,closets have clothes organized by type of item,sleeve length,etc
2)it's better to clean up a little all the time then clean up a lot once a week
3) If you don't use something,give it away or sell it. A lot of stuff means more clutter and more cleaning
4) When you get up, you must make your bed and make sure your room is tidy.
5) No food outside the kitchen except fruit
6) When you go to other people's home, same rules apply-treat the hosts' house as you would ours