Is this neglect? | Imamother

supty

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 11:47 pm

I doze on the couch sometimes while my three year old plays, but I would never sleep in a different room. Yes, chances are he would be fine, but it just seems way too risky. Even the best behaved kids have accidents sometimes. Is there no way you can nap in the same room as them? It sounds dangerous to trust such young children to play without any supervision.

Teomima

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 12:29 am

I have twins so they've always played together more than I've had be involved. It's great for siblings to develop that relationship. Even when they fight, they learn to problem solve. As you said, you can hear when it escalates and get involved if necessary so I wouldn't worry about that at all. As for the safety issue, it sounds like your kids are playing responsibly so I think you're fine. The argument people are making of turning away for even a second as dangerous is ridiculous. Even when you're up and involved, it's not like you never go to the bathroom, right? One of the best things we can do as parents is educate our children about safety and 3 is not too young for that.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 3:26 am

mommy43 wrote:

I wouldn't leave such young kids alone I also rest on the couch so I can be there if anything happens
I don't think I would leave kids under 8 alone for such a long time I heard too many stories its not worth the risk

And how many stories did you hear where nothing happened at all, and the nap time was totally boring? You don't hear about the normal times, because they are not interesting or exciting. You hear about the rare cases - because they are RARE! Offer parenting coping skills if you have any to share, but keep the fear mongering out of the equation.

Iymnok

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 6:26 am

Know your kids and know how deeply you sleep. Know how secure your house is from little escapees, and intruders. I'm In an apartment so if I leave my door open I can hear what's going on. In a house with the playroom downstairs and the bedrooms up, it's a different story and I'd make sure to have a good comfy couch.

rowo

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 6:42 am

Nothing wrong with encouraging kids to play on their own. It's good for them to learn to entertain themselves and not always be dependent on someone else.
At that age I don't know if I would have left them alone in a different room while I went to sleep. My kids nature is that they wouldn't like it either and wouldn't have let me Wink

Like others I would lie down near them on the couch or let them come into my room so I could rest in my bed. I think I've even fallen asleep on the floor next to them..

etky

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 7:23 am

Teomima wrote:

Aside from the fact that kids are notoriously unpredictable because they are constantly changing and developing, there is no such thing as playing responsibly at ages 2 and 3.
And going to the bathroom for a couple of minutes is infinitely different to taking a nap in another room.
When my kids were that age and alone with me I'd make it quick in the bathroom and keep the door a tiny bit ajar if possible so I could keep an ear out for trouble.
I'm all for educating for safety at a young age. But kids at 2 and 3 should not have the responsibility for their own safety, for any period of time. There must be an attending, available adult to step in immediately if needed.

Ruchel

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 9:09 am

All this CPS stuff makes me happi(er) we didn't win the green card lotto. Nasty Sad

I would not ask my children if it's ok for me to rest. Either it is, or it isn't. My call, my decision, my business.

I am also not there to entertain. No mommy camp as in mommy playing mora, either.

Barbara

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 9:22 am

Tzutzie wrote:

This.
I have a nephew who can sit in his high chair w a few legos for two hours straight!
Not my daughter. Today I left the room (with the baby - she loves her sister VERY much and likes hugging her TOO tightly). I just went to take the laundry basket back into the laundry room and there was cereal all over the floor.... my knives are kept on a high shelf. Not in the drawers (she's tall and reaches w her long arms). I would NEVER be able to let her play for 1.5 minutes unsupervised. My sil on the other hand, she can give her sweet tame son a few legos in the crib and set an alarm for two hours later. He'll be happy and content.

He's probably learned that he's going to be stuck in that chair for a L O N G time, and no one is coming even when he cries. It's pretty bad parenting.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 9:31 am

penguin wrote:

You have to know your kids. Some will get into major trouble the minute your back is turned, some are just not mischievous & play safely. As long as you sleep with one ear open, you're doing what many people do.

And most will be perfect little angels until the moment they're not.

I lived in a building with an outdoor play space for small children. They had the same lock they believed to be childproof on the gate for years, without a problem. Its not that you didn't have to watch the kids, but you didn't need to be on top of them if they were near the gate. Until the day my 18 month old nonchalantly walked up to it and opened it. And then the next day, tried to show his friend how to open it.

You don't need to interact with your kids 24/7. But sleeping in a separate room while a 2 year old and 3 year old are playing? Not safe.

water_bear88

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 9:50 am

I would doze in the same room as kids, or maybe in the next room with the door open if everything were very-well childproofed. As someone said earlier, not with food unsupervised in any case.

If part of the problem is that you're working nights, though, how deeply are you used to sleeping at those morning hours? Is there any way your husband could daven at a hashkama minyan (while you're anyway up with the baby, from what I understood) and then be back to watch the kids while you sleep?

mummiedearest

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 10:03 am

Barbara wrote:

He's probably learned that he's going to be stuck in that chair for a L O N G time, and no one is coming even when he cries. It's pretty bad parenting.

actually, some kids are like this. my son used to entertain himself for an hour and a half as a toddler. my daughter did as well. they hyper-focus when they are enjoying an activity. this is not necessarily the norm at that age, but it's certainly not impossible. it's not always due to parenting style.

chani8

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 10:37 am

For those ages I would just make sure that your home is completely child safe. They are very young to be unsupervised. I do not call that neglect though. Personally, I would keep them locked in my room with me, playing on the floor near me, while I slept. Not free to roam the house.

MiriW

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 10:50 am

I agree that 2 and 3 are too young to be left alone for long stretches for safety reasons, but at what age would you ladies do this? This past shabbos I napped on the couch while my 6.5 year old and 5 year old played - would this also be considered unsafe?

mummiedearest

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 12:58 pm

MiriW wrote:

I don't know your kids, but unless one of your kids is untrustworthy, I don't see the problem.

SRS

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 1:58 pm

There is a school of thought that children should be able to play quietly and independently and that it is a positive. Those who put this into practice will put a child gate in their child(ren)'s room so that they have a place that is safe for playing. They will put a matress on the floor for sleeping, but a toddler bed can work fine too, and make sure that furniture is low and safe and that no toys that pose a danger to the child (or the walls like crayon) are in that room. Then when the child wakes up, they have a safe place to play and are contained, but not trapped like in a playpen.

I don't think there is any reasonable way to determine actual neglect without knowing you and your children. It sounds like your kids have a great track record and ability to manage themselves. Someone brought up CPS and their nap policy which is always scary because parents just sometimes "crash" and sometimes a mom just needs a nap mid-day. I personal would ignore fear mongering and create an environment in your home that lets you live and function which is super important.

amother

White

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 3:10 pm

I would say its totally fine. obviouslt double triple check matches are up high and out of sight, plug sockets r covered, windows r locked, kitchen door is closed etc.
to fell less guilty ensure that once ur up ur totally with the kids...settsetsetting table with them, singing with them, on the floor with them a bit etc.
ps indo this with my older ones babysitting shabb morn. they dont mind doing it 10 and 11 looking aftrr 4 and 5 yr old and I make up dor it by playing with them in afternoon and the plus side is im super cheerful bc I slept!