Is the whole Five Towns fancy?

pesek zman

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 1:09 pm

amother wrote:

What do you mean by "fancy" and why is it a bad word? People can't be fancy and perfectly lovely and worthy of associating with? What am I missing here.

It has nothing to do with being lovely or being nice. And if you don't get it, then maybe because it's not a 'thing' for you like it is for OP. The OP just has different values. Not bad or good just different and wants to be surrounded by like minded people. I completely get it. Whenever I go to the 5 towns I find the people perfectly friendly and nice, but it's still like visiting a foreign country for me.

amother

Natural

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 3:22 pm

I live 20 minutes from 5towns and our children went to Far Rockaway for School. The schools had a mix of children from different style homes, from the 5towns and other areas too. I found that most of the families were very nice no matter if more influential or more Yeshivish etc. The children had a good experience and a great chinuch.
Perhaps look where the homes are a little less expensive, that may be more of the style you are looking for. You may want to try it out for a Shabbos too first.

nylon

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 5:44 pm

I no longer live in that area, but here's my take:

Not everyone in the 5T is fancy. Some flash their money. Some are flashing money they don't really have. Some are still well off, but not showy. Others, not so well off at all, after housing and tuition.

But there are a lot of fancy people, and some kids--they have a lot. And for some other kids, from families who are not so wealthy, have a hard time when they compare themselves to these kids who have all that. Even if the parents don't care so much about keeping up with the Cohens when it comes to what clothes their kids have... sometimes, for the parents too, it's hard to say, you can't have these trips, that fancy simcha.

Does everyone want to put their kids into that situation? No. It's not about judging all the people.

Ema of 5

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 5:57 pm

pesek zman wrote:

I'd say to look elsewhere. I'm sure you'd find pockets of like minded people , but in terms of your kids: they would be in school with lots of different kids, many of whom come from wealthy and/or materialistic homes. If you know that's just not your thing (it isn't mine either and is one of the main reasons I would not consider living there) it might not be a good fit

just to elaborate.....there are MNAY "fancy" (im going to assume that means wealthy) people in far rockaway too. if your kids will be going to darchei, BBY, TAG,, YKLI, or south shore they will be going to school with kids from all over. your kids will probably have some more and some less wealthy kids in their classes. your job as the parent is to teach them to be happy with what they have and to ALSO be happy for xxxx because they have yyyy. fancy doesnt equal bad.

granolamom

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 8:18 pm

generally speaking, yeah, its pretty fancy here. (the 'foreign country' comment resonates with me, lol) but there's plenty of people who arent. I'm not. my kids are fine, they find other kids like themselves mostly. I dont care much about keeping up with the cohens, but sometimes I get envious about all the household help and beautifully decorated homes that so many of my neighbors have. but that's my stuff I gotta work through, you know?
also, there are different neighborhoods within the five towns, some are less 'fancy' than others.
my dh was also dead set about living here, which is why we do, and on the whole, its a nice place to live.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 8:43 pm

As others have said, not everyone is fancy (I totally get what you mean by it) but there is a level of gashmius in the air. Walk down central ave and look honestly. Even if you live in a less fancy area and associate with more down to earth people, if seeps in, especially for the kids. Designer clothing, travel, household help, high end simchas. it's all considered the norm, not a luxury. Very hard to raise children this way, especially early teens. Dont do it

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 8:50 pm

I can virtually assure you that if fitting in is important to you and your husband, the 5towns can be very difficult. If you don't already have friends in the 5towns it will be very hard to make new friends or fit in.