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Forum -> Parenting our children
Not tzniyus therapist for sheltered son?



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amother
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Post Mon, Jul 20 2015, 2:43 am
My son needs therapy and his therapist is Jewish, but not religious. She wears pants and low necklines and doesn't cover her hair. My son is from a very sheltered neighborhood, and will probably think she is not Jewish, making him uncomfortable. It could be that it is time for an education that not everyone is frum, not everyone keeps mitzvos or is Jewish, but he needs therapy NOW, and he needs to trust her NOW. I am wondering if it is completely inappropriate to request that she wears skirts and higher necklines around him [I don't think he will pick up on the hair, he will probably assume it is a shaitle]. I don't want to offend her, we need to have a good relationship for my son's healing. I just wonder if anyone has had to deal with this before...

I should add that part of why he is in therapy is because he is TERRIFIED of non-Jews because he was molested by at least one of them.

Thanks everyone.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 20 2015, 2:59 am
Because of the reason for therapy, it's probably worth discussing with her so she can relate and be most successful. It's not even worth going if he gets ptsd from therapy.
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agreer




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 20 2015, 3:25 am
It is inappropriate to request that of her, but people have done much, much worse.
It's not the worst thing in the world :-)

However, she may answer that her look might help your son deal with his fear of non-Jews and refuse to comply, which would be well within her right.

In that case, I'd look for a competent modest therapist ASAP.
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cookiejar




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 20 2015, 3:34 am
I agree that it is an appropriate request, or at least an appropriate discussion to have with her, based on where your request is coming from - I.e. the actual need that brought you to therapy in the first place... He needs to feel safe and ok and if she can't provide that you may need to look for a frum therapist.
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 20 2015, 4:47 am
Is this therapist the most appropriate one for your son in every way except her mode of dress? If so, I would bring it up with her as a question before your son meets her. Ask her how her looking different will impact his progress in therapy. You might be satisfied with her answer or you might want to ask her for a recommendation of someone she feels might more satisfy his requirements for successful therapy.
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