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Name change
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bluebird




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 28 2015, 6:06 pm
princessleah wrote:
I did not change my name. I introduce myself professionally and socially as "Leah Organa". My kids have my last name as their middle names in addition to other middle names (so two middle names). So like "Luke Anakin Organa Solo" is DS' name. When our 2nd DC was born DH asked if we should give her my last name, but I wanted the kids to have the same last name as each other.


That's the common practice in many central/south american spanish-speaking countries. I always liked it as a practice.
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gummybear




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 28 2015, 6:16 pm
I thought I would change my name as that's just what was expected but after I got married I tried to use my husbands name and it just didn't feel right. My name is my name, don't see why I should suddenly take on a different surname just because I got married. Like others have said it's just extremely patriarchal and archaic. I know quite a few (MO) women who didn't change their surname, it's quite normal in our circle.
We still havn't told his parents (we're married two years). His mum is super traditional and I don't think she would cope.
My least favourite thing though is 'Mr and Mrs husbands first name/initial and surname'.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 28 2015, 9:23 pm
gummybear wrote:
My least favourite thing though is 'Mr and Mrs husbands first name/initial and surname'.


I'm good with Mr. and Mrs. Chaim Fox.

I'm good with Ms. Chana Fox.

I'm good with Mrs. Chaim Fox.

But I'm *not* "Mrs. Chana Fox." I actually cringe when I see it. I guess it's the cowardice it implies, as if to say "We want to use your first name but we don't actually have the courage of our convictions enough to use 'Ms.' like normal people."
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healthywoman




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 28 2015, 9:39 pm
saw50 and barbara, I know you mentioned you kept your maiden name but can I ask if there was a specific reason why?

curious.

(I have to decide on what my professional name should be.)
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 9:29 am
bluebird wrote:
That's the common practice in many central/south american spanish-speaking countries. I always liked it as a practice.

Whenever I have to do any legal paperwork types of things where I have to bring my birth certificate and always bring my marriage certificate where it says I legally changed my name, just in case.
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 9:54 am
For people who go by their maiden names, how do people address invitations to you? How do they do seating cards? Seating cards for separate seating, or invitations for just you? How do you sign up for things at your kids' schools (like parent teacher conferences) if they want your name, and by that they figure they know who your child is? Do you find that people in your community easily connect you to your kids with dh's last name? Does Mrs. vs Ms. offend /bother you?

I have several friends who have kept their maiden names, and am always confused as to what to do. One set lived together before marriage, and when I address a package, it doesn't feel any different now than before they were married, which seems weird to me.
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healthywoman




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 12:36 pm
I dn. it's probably more complex if u stay with your maiden name all the time, (professionally and socially.) Socially I dont mind being mrs married name. but professionally, not sure what is common or which to choose.

Dont know
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 12:54 pm
animeme wrote:
For people who go by their maiden names, how do people address invitations to you? How do they do seating cards? Seating cards for separate seating, or invitations for just you? How do you sign up for things at your kids' schools (like parent teacher conferences) if they want your name, and by that they figure they know who your child is? Do you find that people in your community easily connect you to your kids with dh's last name? Does Mrs. vs Ms. offend /bother you?

I have several friends who have kept their maiden names, and am always confused as to what to do. One set lived together before marriage, and when I address a package, it doesn't feel any different now than before they were married, which seems weird to me.


People address invitations to me using my name.

Mr. His Name
Ms. Her Name

They put my name on place cards.

I introduce myself to teachers as Her Name, Child's Mom. Even without that, its pretty easy for them to figure out, given that the teachers are all reasonably intelligent.

Anyone who needs to know who my kid's parents are does. I really don't care if strangers connect us.

Yes, Mrs. offends me. Would it offend you if I gave you a name or title that was not yours? Moreover, "Mrs. Her Name" is used to refer to divorced women. I'm not divorced.

And I don't give a rat's patootie that someone else feels that I'm not really married because I didn't change my name.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 12:55 pm
healthywoman wrote:
I dn. it's probably more complex if u stay with your maiden name all the time, (professionally and socially.) Socially I dont mind being mrs married name. but professionally, not sure what is common or which to choose.

Dont know


It's not complex at all. Really. People are just pretending that it is because they oppose it.
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healthywoman




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 8:00 pm
I guess it depends for each person.
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 29 2015, 8:28 pm
Barbara wrote:
People address invitations to me using my name.

Mr. His Name
Ms. Her Name

They put my name on place cards.

I introduce myself to teachers as Her Name, Child's Mom. Even without that, its pretty easy for them to figure out, given that the teachers are all reasonably intelligent.

Anyone who needs to know who my kid's parents are does. I really don't care if strangers connect us.

Yes, Mrs. offends me. Would it offend you if I gave you a name or title that was not yours? Moreover, "Mrs. Her Name" is used to refer to divorced women. I'm not divorced.

And I don't give a rat's patootie that someone else feels that I'm not really married because I didn't change my name.


I apologize for offending you. That was not my intention. I don't feel that keeping your name means you aren't married- I expressed that because I'm not as accustomed to it, it was strange for me that this did not change.

To answer your question, if someone addressed me as Ms., it wouldn't bother me, even though I go by Mrs. But I will keep this in mind for my friends. Though I don't know how I would know to do this for for someone who I did not know did not take her dh's name. Of course, when corrected I try to remember what they want.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 30 2015, 3:02 pm
Barbara wrote:
People address invitations to me using my name.

Mr. His Name
Ms. Her Name

They put my name on place cards.


ITA with Barbara!

I've never understood why so many people work overtime to avoid "Ms."

Using "Ms." solves every single problem! Believe me, "Ms." didn't become standard in the business world because of everyone's feminist sensibilities.

It became standard because (a) it could be used correctly with a woman's first name; and (b) you didn't need to find out any details about the woman's significant other.

Barbara and I live in very different communities (unless she's really a Lakewood kollel wife who has created an alternate online persona), but the problems aren't all that different. In a gazillion situations -- in fact, most situations -- people need to address us as distinct individuals from the people we married.

"Ms." works perfectly: She can be "Ms. Barbara Schneipenheimer" who happens to be married to Nigel Nithercott. I can be "Ms. Chana Fox" who happens to be married to Fenneck Fox. The whereabouts of Nigel and Fenneck need not come into the picture unless we're looking for them because we're ready to leave the simcha.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2016, 5:17 pm
interesting I hadn't noticed this before ... but I grew up always wanting to change my last name because I hated it - or more truthful wanted to get far away from the connection

then I got married & changed it automatically

when I got divorced I could have changed it back - and part of me truly wanted to [papers are easier to file right after a divorce] - however, having 4 kids with the same last name seemed like the best reason to keep the dxh's last name at that point in my hectic life [although sonny boy thought he would have to legally change his back to mine when we got divorced - he said it was too long - poor kid - lol]

my daughter did not change her birth name to her husband's last name ... I am proud she knows who she is & what she wants ... although she has gone to wedding and people [including his family] don't care and call her by her husband's last name - we find it quite rude

that being said - I know yeshivish women, lubavitch women, and others whom all keep their birth names - I'm sure the reasons differ

now there are plenty of imamothers who think my last name is "greenfire" & I'm kool with that Mr. Green Nervous
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 09 2016, 7:00 pm
Of course I changed it. Which monogram would you rather have: Zenobia Olivia Ostreicher or Zenobia Zaqarias?
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