No one believes me

amother

Jade

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 10:23 pm

Does anyone experience this? I feel like no one believes that my son (1 year old) has major food allergies. I am new to this so not clear on all the numbers. But his blood tests were over 6 and the skin pricks were 12-14mm. His allergist told me to always carry auvi q and Benadryl.
I feel so alone. It is scary and overwhelming as it is, to have people brush it off like nothing just adds to the hardship.
Also, my family doesn't believe me either and when I asked my mother if she thinks my siblings could be careful with their kids to not walk around with food, she said she she doesn't think they would be able to do it.
Any ideas of how to cope and how to explain to people this is a serious issue?
(Anonymous in case siblings or siblings in law are on here)

amother

Linen

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 10:43 pm

I don't have much experience with allergies, but I'm surprised that it would not be taken seriously.

Your first priority is the health of your son. Get clear guidelines from your allergist what is and what is not ok. Tell others those guidelines and stick to it. It's about your son, not about their habits.

Have you brought it up with your mother how worried you are about your son? In a non confrontational manner?

Miri7

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 10:55 pm

You may want to sit each adult down with the dpi pen and tell them "the allergist has determined that DS has allergies to xyz and that I should make sure all the adults around him know how to spot an allergic reaction and know how to use the epi-pen which DS must have at all times."

That should get their attention. People really need to take allergies more seriously - would they let someone wander around their house eating treif?

amother

Jade

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 11:00 pm

Op here
He is allergic to touch and by eating. Not airborne, B"H.
He is allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts.
He stuck his hand into milk, I washed his hand off right away, but he broke out in hives on the arm that touched it. At this age (1 yr) touch and eating are not far apart.
Good idea to talk to my mother, I wasn't confrontational, just mentioned in passing. Maybe next week when (hopefully) I'll be a little calmer I can try again.
Is it not reasonable to asks people to be careful around him. Yes ultimately I am the only one responsible and I am very careful, but is it unreasonable to ask other people to be careful when he is around?

smss

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 11:03 pm

amother wrote:

Because he's 1, and because he's allergic even to touch, no it's not unreasonable.
It is a difficult thing though and it might take some time for your family to get used to the idea. I think you're going to have to be firm that unless they can do this, you won't be able to go there.

amother

Jade

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 11:12 pm

Op here
Was thinking that not going may be the way to go. I think I am going to try and when it gets too hard stop. I think that's better than just stopping. This way I tried and it got too hard. Soon he'll be walking & then it's gonna be much harder.
Agree with the treif bit, but seems like people can not for some reason understand that this is really serious and dangerous for my baby.

Really appreciate all your support, best (only support) I have gotten so far. Thanks!!!

anonymrs

Wed, Jul 29 2015, 11:55 pm

I'll have to be the dissenting voice here. I have a 4.5 year old with multiple life-threatening allergies. YOU are your child's only guardian and YOU are the only one who will ever get it. You can ask and ask and ask that people watch their kids, wash kids hands, keep food at the table or whatever, but at the end of the day, as his mother, you have to keep your eyes on him every second when other people are around. That is the only way to keep him safe and that is your job.

It is very unfortunate that your family is not able or willing to help you out in your job. I struggle with this too. One side of the family is so super sensitive to my child. Whenever they make parties, they call me in advance to ask me what they can serve that's safe for my child. They make sure that their kids eat allergy foods at the table and then wash them up before allowing them to play. On the other side of the family, kids walks around eating nuts, eggs, cheese, etc. Mothers do not watch their kids, don't care to make them wash hands and face, put foods in front of my daughter that she's allergic to, etc.

It's really hard but I know that when I'm with that side of the family, my daughter is not out of my eye sight for a second. I know it's a lot harder with a 1 year old. I sympathize, I really do. But you can't make demands on other people.

If there's any practical way that I can be helpful, please let me know. It would be my pleasure to share with you food ideas, tips, or other things I've learned along the way.

Laiya

Thu, Jul 30 2015, 12:05 am

I'm sorry, OP.
I think it's all about education. If people haven't dealt with it, they simply don't understand.

Now you need to be that annoying person who's always nudging everyone to take foods off the table. Either that, or don't go, and tell them why. Maybe when your son is a bit older, you can talk to him about how to make his own choices, but at this age, you can't risk it. This is simply non-negotiable.

If it makes you feel any better though, they do say that only a small percentage of epi-pens prescribed are actually needed.

ces

Thu, Jul 30 2015, 12:09 am

Not directly responding to your post, but I wanted to sympathize with you! Nobody in my extended family on either side had allergies until my daughter, and like yours she was allergic to milk, eggs, tree nuts and peanuts. The good news is, at four years old she outgrew the egg and milk allergies. I hope she still may outgrow the nut allergy although it is statistically less likely. Hashem should help you, and bez'H yours will outgrow all allergies as well!

seeker

Thu, Jul 30 2015, 1:12 am

Ugh, allergies are so common these days, why would anyone not believe you - why would you make this stuff up?! Sounds like some totally dysfunctional people, unless there are really that ignorant! I'm sorry you have this problem OP! Of course it's parents' responsibility but in matters like these you really need everyone on board, especially with such a little kid. If he is sensitive to contact, that means people need to wash their hands before touching him. How can mom make sure that nobody touches her toddler without her screening first, if they aren't also understanding?! AAAUUUUGH. I would have nightmares. B"H my family is supportive, I do have to keep an eye on things because anyone can make mistakes, especially when there are kids around, but still at least they're not walking around sprinkling nuts everywhere.

Iymnok

Thu, Jul 30 2015, 5:42 am

Don't ask your mother what she thinks. State to her what your child cannot touch or eat and ask her to please do what she can to protect her. I'd also tell her what to do in case of a mishap.
Call each adult relative before visiting and have the same conversation.
The telling what to do part is to scare them a little since information goes in better with a little emotion. (Here it's fear)