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Forum -> Children's Health
My son is scared every time I leave



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amother
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Post Mon, Aug 03 2015, 3:27 pm
What do I do? My kids fo to my parents once a week while I do errands after work. They gostraight from camp and stay until about 6:30 pm. They have been going each week for about a year. Before the year we lived there for a year while out house was being ready. I am the oldest and have siblings my kids ages.
The last three weeks my son who us four screams the entire time he is there that I dont come fast enough. He wont eat there or anything. He is calm the second I come. He yells that I cant task so long. Etc. The whole thing is about 2.5 hours.
last night a sister and friend babysat by me for an hour and he screamed that we weren't home the whole time! What do I do?
So far I decided that I am going to switch off taking my kids each week. So only one goes to my parents each week.
th problem is it has escalated to the extent that if dh is home late he cries that he cant go to bed till we r all home.
what do I do? I asked him why....he says he likes when Everton is home and his house is best.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 03 2015, 3:32 pm
Forceful dude. He likes you there. So be there. Some people just do. His manners will mature but he may always be a forceful dude. His family will be near him, oh boy. He may run a company. Very strong type.

Don't fret. I would say, order stuff instead of going to get it, and go along with the program. Consider schlepping him with you to errands you can't avoid. It's awkward but it can be done. You will be repaid down the road. This is the kind of person he is.

He may change and transfer his ideas to something else later and you may wish he would call. For now, he's got these ideas.

Children, particularly this one, truly do need predictable routines.

At least he can tell time. At four. Pretty good.

His father might phone him if he is going to be late.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Mon, Aug 03 2015, 5:26 pm
Op here. Thank u dolly. I usually only have hime go their once a week so I can do food shopping in peace. Otherwise he is home with me after camp or school. He has always been this way. It just became impossible lately. He is the kind of kid that gives that cru every morning when I leave him but has a great day. I just dont know what to do abt tho issue.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 03 2015, 6:22 pm
A yelp when you leave then "ok already" is one thing. But you say he yells the entire time you are away, for hours. That, to me, means you are going to get an account with a food service that delivers such as Fresh Direct. The kosher supermarkets deliver too; some of them use a fax instead of a website, but they deliver. Sometimes just one day a week, but it works.

You can't do this to him or to his caregivers.

I promise he will get a beard and disappear some day. In fact probably long before the beard. Be patient. Give him what he needs. He should know. He's him. People know what they need. Especially so young. He's not trying for more than his share, at that age.
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little_mage




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 03 2015, 8:19 pm
For a four year old, that sounds extreme. Have you tried reading books/watching a show about leaving and coming back? There's a Daniel Tiger episode (although I don't know what your opinion about tv is, so if you're a complete no on that, sorry), where the message is "grownups come back." A librarian could probably help you find a book or two.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 03 2015, 8:54 pm
I know I am stumped on this one. he is too big for this. but I would try to get more info out of him as to why he is doing this. he is old enough to know why. if he say just cause he likes it that everyone is here. ask him what happens when you go? is he scared? if yes from what? if not then he has to stop crying and screaming. children do what works. but you need to understand this first. before reacting. just giving in isnt always the answer. you need to understand why first. does he go to daycamp? I am sure he doesnt do that there. does he get his way in other areas by tantruming? do you give in? then this "might" be it. but I cant say for sure cause I dont have a clear picture yet. so get whatever you can out of him before you decide what to do. hatzlacha. kids really surprise us. as it does me.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 03 2015, 8:56 pm
Four isn't so old. You were three only last year. And males develop more slowly. I say he's just being little.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 03 2015, 8:57 pm
btw I what did his rebbe say about him this year? did he mention anything? did you speak to him as to his behavior? that will give you clue. and now in daycamp does he like to go? can you have a conversation telling him what happened to you today and he might tell you how his day went. and maybe something in school is bothering him. first see if you can get anything from him. and also speak with his rebbe or counselor whatever he has now.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 03 2015, 9:00 pm
clearly something is bothering him. what has changed in the last 3 weeks? has anyone gone from your parents or come that he isnt so fond of? or are the kids not getting along? hes frustrated that ? dont know you need to speak with parents to see whats going on.
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 03 2015, 9:21 pm
Has his behavior recently changed in any other area? You stated that this is not too far from his regular personality, only more exacerbated. Could he possibly have an ear infection, strep, or something like that, that's lowering his tolerance threshold?
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Shuly




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 04 2015, 3:24 pm
I would take this very seriously and make sure there is no abuse happening in his life.
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