Would you send this child to a psychologist?

amother

Violet

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 10:53 am

I have a dc who is very socially immature, has needed speech and occupational therapy most of his life (he is almost 9 yrs old now) and has some learning disabilities (and will be starting a special school to address this).

He is a sweet kid, but some of his behavior drives me crazy and I think can not just be written off as simply socially immature or due to his developmental delays or learning challenges.

Yesterday's behavior really left me wondering if we should be sending him to a child psychologist.

He had a dental appointment. Okay, many kids are nervous going to the dentist, granted, and he is certainly not an exception, but we have had other appointments that went well at the same office with the same doctor, so....

Anyhow, we get there and he tells me he has to use the bathroom. The bathroom door is maybe 10 feet away and in plain sight. He's used that bathroom before. I tell him to go. He tells me he's scared to go. I offer to go with him. He's still scared to go to the bathroom. I insist he goes now and not while the dentist is working on him. He tells me he doesn't have to go anymore. I know this isn't true and try to persuade him but it doesn't work.

Next they call us in and he gets to pick a movie to watch. He just stares at me. I ask what the problem is he says he doesn't know what to do. I tell him to just pick a show. He's done it before. "I don't know how, " he insists. So I read through all of the titles (he reads perfectly well, so no real need for that) until he likes one. Fine.

We go into the room and before the dentist even comes in he just pees all over the chair and himself. Thankfully I had a change for him in the car.

The dental part of the visit actually went well, but then when it was time to pick a prize from the drawer he again acts like a baby, telling me he doesn't know what to pick, he doesn't know how to pick, etc. Seriously, he's done this so many times before. Why would he act like this?

Obviously there are emotions going on inside him that he isn't talking to us about and I don't know how to draw the information out of him.

Is this a kid who would benefit from seeing a psychologist? Or is this typical behavior from an immature 8 yr old with moderate learning challenges?

I really can't afford more therapy, but would find the money somehow if I knew it would help. But to fork over big bucks for him to just sit there and tell the therapist "I don't know" (his typical response to all questions) would drive me bananas.

DH thinks I'm over-reacting even brining it up. What do you think?

momX4

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 11:11 am

Call your pediatrician and tell him this story. A 9 year old that still had accidents may need help. The fear of being in a new place is normal. Having an accident because of the fear isnt ok. Some of my kids are unsure of themselves when they go somewhere new, or even to a place they have been to a long time ago.

Some kids need to be prepared in advance to make decisions. You can have a talk before the visit about your expectations. Discuss at home what type of movie he wants and what type of prize he wishes they would have today. Tell him the first thing he has to do is to use the restroom, and then he can read the magazines in the waiting room.

By the way, picking the prize is always the worst part of my visit. There is to much drama involved. And then it breaks in the car on the way home.

If your dc is eligible for speech and ot, maybe is eligible for other types of therapy. Speak to your therapist and ask them for advice as well.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 1:13 pm

amother wrote:

TY. Any other thoughts? Would love to hear from someone in the mental health field or someone with a child who behaved similarly and benefited from seeing a psychologist or a teacher who maybe has dealt with kids like this.... anyone?

I'm not a psychologist or an expert in any way, shape or form, but it strikes me that his "fear" of using the strange bathroom, his saying that he doesn't know how to select the movie, etc are (1) actually a manifestation of his fear of the dentist; and (2) more likely than not, a manifestation of his fear of starting a new school. Given the latter, IMNSHO, it can't hurt to have him talk to someone.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 1:16 pm

I think there is something going on for the child. have there been any recent changes? new child, school etc. I dont know full story but it seems as though he is temporarily regressing.

Maybe you can speak with him and ask what was going on for him, but not in "you caused so much trouble what is wrong with you" way, but more in a supportive, I want to understand what was happening way. there can be many reasons for his behavior, but there is a better chance of him talking if he feels like u wont be angry or punish him etc and really just want to help him.

jackiejoel3

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 2:32 pm

I am a trained (with 15 years experience) SW and what you are describing is out of the realm of normal developmental behavior. However, since you are saying that he is switching schools to one that caterers to children with learning disabilities my guess is that they have a support staff of SW/psychologists on staff who will hopefully be able to work with your son. Since you say money is an issue and it is already August I would contact the school at the beginning of the year and ask to meet with the SW. He maybe able to receive the help he needs through the school and if (I'm not saying he does I have never met him) he needs medication the staff maybe able to make suggestions and then you can find a psychiatrist on your insurance to prescribe the meds.

amother

Violet

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 2:39 pm

Thank you for the responses.

This isn't new behavior or isolated to dentist visits. If it was I would probably ignore it.

He has always been a nervous, fearful child. Very unsure of himself. For a long time I figured he's just young and dealing with a lot of challenges and it will change with maturity. But it isn't changing and it's difficult for me to deal with and obviously I feel awful for him. But language has been one of his delays and while he's come a long, long way and communicates pretty well, he's not yet at a place where he's sharing deep thoughts about anything, much less how he's feeling inside.

Now, how to convince DH we need to go. He is always annoyed with me that I'm "looking for problems".

seeker

Wed, Aug 05 2015, 2:47 pm

I wouldn't jump to any medical conclusions. It sounds like he might benefit a lot from learning coping tools for anxiety. Meds for this are tricky and coping tools can be very effective. Especially if he has a hard time communicating his feelings, he can learn how to recognize them, label them, and deal with them. The sooner the better.

Agree with above post that the special school may be equipped to help (I missed that detail.) If school is starting soon, I'd probably hang on for that in terms of long-term support. But if you can find out who's good, he might benefit from a couple of sessions before school to address any anxiety he has about beginning a new school. One or two sessions out of pocket shouldn't be that bad, and then you transition to what the school offers.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about DH, I'd go ahead and arrange it and just take whatever criticism comes. But that's just me. Maybe my relationship skills in that area aren't the most advanced Wink

More like mama bear skills!