Bedtime is a nightmare HELP!

amother

Pink

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 1:21 pm

My almost 6 year old and 4 year old sleep in the same room.
They are in bed by 7pm and I usually tell them a story say shema and hamalach and sing another song for them.
I make sure they go to the bathroom before and even have a little water since they always ask.
But after that, as soon as I leave the room they start talking and kvetching about something or another. This ones ear hurts, this ones pinky toe is itchy. I mean this craziest things they come up with. It goes on for at least an hour and a half.
I've tried sticker charts. Every night they go to sleep nicely they get a sticker and after a few nights of stickers they get to pick a prize. It worked for a bit, but now they are over it. Putting them to bed stressed me out so much I find myself screaming at them and they won't take my "threats" seriously. I feel like a horrible mother.
PLEASE someone help me out- what do I do?

Sanguine

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 1:33 pm

Just a guess-suggestion. What would happen if you put them to sleep at 8 instead of 7? Are they sleeping later in the morning now that it's summer vacation? If they were more tired they might actually fall asleep while you sing (in the dark, I assume)

amother

Pink

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 2:20 pm

I've tried and it doesnt work. They just get more hyper. And they usually are up by 7 every morning. sometimes later, sometimes earlier.
I could try to push them off for bed a bit but I have a 2 year old in the room with them and she wont go to bed without them in there too!
lol oh the worries of a mother!

little_mage

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 2:46 pm

My two share a room as well (4 and 21 months). If the baby doesn't nurse to sleep, I frequently hear them playing some sort of game together that usually involves lots of screeching and giggling. But then they calm down and go to sleep. Basically, I guess I'm asking what would happen if you simply shut the door and ignored them?

Iymnok

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 2:53 pm

Is crying that bad at that age? I give sympathy and ignore.
I heard a great description of preschooler tantrums: "we don't negotiate with terrorists"
They are old enough to communicate normally, but don't always remember to.

ETA: Give small prizes in the morning, sheet of cute stickers, bubbles, erasers, mini markers...
Sticker charts are too long term for some kids.

sitting

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 3:21 pm

I jave the same ages and they also go togethwr to bed....same deal
heres what works. bed time 15 min later or so....they r that much more tired.
also bribery to break the bad habit of repeat calling. so we do 6 choc chips at bkfast for whoever doesnt call mommy after shema. so bf shema we do all the chatting. inleave timw for this, sit on the bed etc. and after shema its "goodnight I love u". I tell them I will check on them to c whos earninf the choc chips.
this works for my guys. at this age u prob know reward needs to be fairly instant so no good earning an ice cream or toy at end of a good wk...or 5 stickers is a prize. best incentive is daily reward. good lu k

amother

Taupe

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 7:58 pm

I have similar ages, and so far the only things Ive seen work are rewards for 'small' accomplishments.
for example, we would do the whole bedtime routine, read a long book, hug and kiss, sing shema ask me a million questions, and then w/o fail my kids would come out like 3 minutes after I left the room. so I started rewarding 'just saying in bed' not necessarily going to sleep. I would give them 1 sticker for every night they stayed in bed, and then like a piece of licorice for every 2-3 nights they didn't come out.
it took A LOT of patience and tons of encouragement but I have to say my kids really stopped coming out

coming into our beds in the middle of the night is a completely different story.... Rolling Eyes

little_mage

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 8:42 pm

I recall being at a family once and they had a ticket system for their kids. It was something like they had five tickets each and they could come out with a request once per ticket. And then maybe they got a prize for each ticket they had left in the morning? I don't really remember, but something like that might help...

amother

Pink

Wed, Aug 12 2015, 9:40 am

Thanks for your advice everyone!
I ended up going to the shekel store and kids picked out lots of prizes.
I tell them every night before bed that if they go to sleep nicely they get to pick one prize in the morning. It actually seems to be working.
Also I make sure to ask them if there is anything they need before I leave the room, to ask me for it now.
It seems to be working much better than the sticker chart- yay!

seeker

Wed, Aug 12 2015, 12:54 pm

It sounds like they want attention and love. Sometimes this is just a distraction from going to sleep, and sometimes it's a legitimate need. You say "as soon as [you] leave the room" which basically means they want your attention back. Did you ever try lying with them for a few minutes each after putting them to bed? You can have a chart to keep track of whose turn it is first. If the second one interrupts the first one then you stay with the first one longer.