Getting annoyed by baby and toddler dynamic

justforfun87

Wed, Aug 19 2015, 10:36 pm

I feel guilty writing this but it has been bothering me. I know my children are a blessing but I am having a hard time recently. I have a 3.5 yr old and an 11 month old. I work full time. My problem is when my husband is not around, I really don't like being with the kids. Sad

It is maybe the very needy stage but my baby is so clingy if I don't hold her. My son is tired when he is home from school. I try to arrange playdates and even a mothers helper but the kids (especially the baby) are clawing at me. I dread the two hours alone in the afternoon. The baby screams whenever she wants something. My son and I can have a reciprocal relationship because we talk, engage, he can play by himself for a bit. I have seen mini vans pull up recently with five kids piling out of the car and I just don't get how they can meet their children's needs. I want more kids but the idea of a baby makes me shudder. I guess a big part of it is that I like a little bit of independence, I hate my messy house, and I want to cook dinner. I just seemingly can't. I feel even worse because I know I have a great age difference. I know people have babies like 15 months apart. I don't get it. Sad

When my husband comes home and can help me though my mood completely changes and things get better. I just feel guilty hating this time alone with my kiddos.
End of vent.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Aug 19 2015, 10:54 pm

Don't feel guilty that its bothering you. Its very normal to need help taking care of two kids and its hard to get things done. Firstly my advice is don't compare yourself to others. Everyone has different kids, different support systems, different needs and comparing just causes harm. Try to focus on how to make those two hours easier for you. Maybe try to prepare supper the night before so you don't have to do much just stick it in the oven and just play with your kids during that time. Im sure they miss you after not spending the day with you while you are at work. I have one toddler and honestly having another one right now is not an option for various reasons. I know what I can handle and what I am capable of and its just not the right time for me now. If thinking about another kid is making you shudder I don't think you are ready. Happy that you have a husband that helps you out when he is home. Things will get easier. Good luck

youngishbear

Wed, Aug 19 2015, 10:58 pm

You're not alone... I thoroughly dislike the infant stage. Hug

What helped me was when I learned the importance of this stage for healthy development, even if the baby is completely nonverbal and seems so unresponsive. Bear in mind that by trying to connect to the baby you are training your child to form healthy relationships later on. Mirroring is crucial for healthy development. That's one reason why ppd or other emotional issues in mothers are so important to deal with.

Holding and entertaining baby became a goal, a project sort of, and no longer such an annoyance. We tend to get annoyed by what we view as pointless or silly.

Skip the gourmet dinners and serve your baby communication and bonding skills.