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School age kids + f/t work + chronic illness= HELP!!



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amother
Pearl


 

Post Tue, Aug 25 2015, 9:16 pm
I work full time. I have 3 school age kids plus a toddler in playgroup. I get home at 6pm. I have a chronic illness which means that I'm often hardly functional in the evenings. I consider myself a great mom (relatively speaking maybe) and work hard to do it right. I'm makpid on hw, bedtime, dinner, etc. I've already dropped all the non-essentials like proper dinners, showers, pjs; and clean clothes in laundry baskets are still clean even if they aren't in the rooms in draws (forget about folding or hanging).
I'm freaking out about the upcoming school year. I've only survived the summer by allowing the kids 'electronic entertainment' (watching tv shows, playing computer games, nintendo etc). I've not been able to enforce proper summer activities like going outside to play etc, forget about summer hw or reading. So how will I handle the school year? I will make the concession to allow screen time (playing or watching) on Sundays bec I know I won't survive otherwise. But during the school week we absolutely have to be 'screen free'. Even if they don't do hw and alternate eating macaroni and hot dogs every day for dinner, I cannot allow the screen. From experience I know that an hour on the computer doesn't just waste that hour in the evening but also takes 3 hours from the school day. I'm sorry this post is so long but I'm completely panicking and don't know what to do. This is very terrible. If you don't have ideas, maybe just a few words of encouragement. I feel desperate.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Tue, Aug 25 2015, 9:17 pm
(op here) BTW, to save you all time, I'm already getting cleaning help once a week, only use disposables, will get a chessed girl for an hour a week. Unfortunately, these can help make things more manageable but doesn't alter my day to day (or evening to evening) life of handling the kids.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Tue, Aug 25 2015, 9:23 pm
Hugs! Fellow chronic illness here, working mom of school age and toddler. I wish I had some magic to share with you but unfortunately there is none.
One thing that helps is paying a girl to come and do hw with kids and not getting involved in that aspect. Also training kids to shower themselves washing their little sibling in a quick wash bath. Hugs!
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Tue, Aug 25 2015, 9:30 pm
amother wrote:
I work full time. I have 3 school age kids plus a toddler in playgroup. I get home at 6pm. I have a chronic illness which means that I'm often hardly functional in the evenings. I consider myself a great mom (relatively speaking maybe) and work hard to do it right. I'm makpid on hw, bedtime, dinner, etc. I've already dropped all the non-essentials like proper dinners, showers, pjs; and clean clothes in laundry baskets are still clean even if they aren't in the rooms in draws (forget about folding or hanging).
I'm freaking out about the upcoming school year. I've only survived the summer by allowing the kids 'electronic entertainment' (watching tv shows, playing computer games, nintendo etc). I've not been able to enforce proper summer activities like going outside to play etc, forget about summer hw or reading. So how will I handle the school year? I will make the concession to allow screen time (playing or watching) on Sundays bec I know I won't survive otherwise. But during the school week we absolutely have to be 'screen free'. Even if they don't do hw and alternate eating macaroni and hot dogs every day for dinner, I cannot allow the screen. From experience I know that an hour on the computer doesn't just waste that hour in the evening but also takes 3 hours from the school day. I'm sorry this post is so long but I'm completely panicking and don't know what to do. This is very terrible. If you don't have ideas, maybe just a few words of encouragement. I feel desperate.

This sounds just like me, except I have more kids but only work part time.
We have to remember that we are unwell. And anything we accomplish is really trophy-worthy.
The DVD player, unfortunately, is my survival mechanism. Until now, I would use it to occupy the little ones, while I would lounge on the couch surrounded by the older ones doing homework so they could ask me questions. My most challenging child (MAJOR adhd, with an emphasis on the H), whom I tend to plunk in front of the Dvd player most often, will be having homework this year for the first time. Not sure how I will do the evenings now...
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TwinsMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 25 2015, 10:32 pm
Are you married? Can your husband help out? If you get home at 6:00 and hubby lets you nap till 7:00, say.... can you then be on board to do half the bath/homework/dinner/whatever happens at 7:00? With a chronic illness you need downtime after a full day of work. Can you get a chessed girl more than once a week? If you are completely non functional in the evenings is there any way to work fewer hours? Can you qualify for some disability, maybe, so you don't need to work so many hours?

I didn't understand what you meant about screen time on a school night taking 3 hours from the school day, but I cheer you on for being strict about it. My twins are 8 and after school it's homework, therapy (ABA or speech), dinner, a family walk, then bath/bed--- that kills 4:00 to 8:00 and they just don't have time for screen really-- but they do it on sundays and had some time this summer.

Can the olders help the youngers with homework or help prep dinner?

I feel for you--- something has to give---- full time work and all those kids is hard WITHOUT an illness. WITH an illness---- trying to do all you can to work fewer hours (disability or hubby make more $ or working from home instead of in the office to get a nap once in a while.....? would be my priority--- you only have so many spoons (I assume you know about spoonies). *hugs*
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 26 2015, 7:46 am
I don't have a chronic illness (unless perpetual exhaustion counts) and I'm freaking out too. Two of my kids have homework this year. This is my plan:

Get home at 5:30, serve dinner
6 pm - two older kids start homework while I bathe the younger kids, get them ready for bed
6:30 - check on the older kids, answer questions etc
6:45 - put younger kids to bed, older kids shower
7:15 - do kriah with older kids, put older kids to bed
8 pm - clean up from dinner, prep dinner for the next day, pack up for the next day
9 pm - collapse or shower if I have the energy :-)

I don't even leave time for screen time really, except for homework (they each have about 15-20 minutes of homework on the computer).
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Fri, Aug 28 2015, 7:15 pm
OP here. It sounds like making an earlier bedtime and more rigid evening schedule may help. I will definitely try that. I just need to figure out the earliest I can put the kids to bed and work my way back from there.
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rachel6543




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 28 2015, 8:08 pm
Wow, I can relate, I only have one kid so far, but also work full time and have dealt recently with chronic health issues (although b"h I'm doing much better these days). Sounds like you are already doing all the right things. Feel free to pm me if you want and I'll be happy to share some things that have helped me manage better. Since I'm not posting as imamother at the moment, don't want to share too many personal details.
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iriska_meller




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 29 2015, 1:41 pm
Dear OP, I wish I was as determined as you! A woman I used to work with (non Jewish) who was raising 5 kids told me she actually locks up all electronics between 8 pm Sunday and 6 pm Friday during school year (so in your case until motzei Shabbos). Yes there will be screaming but once they see that its a rule, they will accept it. Good luck and refuah sheleima
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 29 2015, 3:38 pm
Does your husband help?
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amother
Violet


 

Post Sun, Aug 30 2015, 12:05 am
You're a great Mom trying your hardest in circumstances beyond your control. Your doing amazing; your Kids have food - 3 meals a day, clean clothes and most of all your Love.
I don't really have advice for you- just kudos for wanting and trying your BEST, being the best Mom and person you can be!!
Sending you Hugs Hug and Love!

cs
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Tue, Sep 01 2015, 1:54 pm
OP here. For those with school-age children, do you tell the teachers at the beginning of the year? So they can understand and forgive the things that we miss. What do you tell the teachers?

My husband is out morning to night. However, because of my long hours, he comes home from 5-6pm to be with the kids until I get home. Unfortunately, he is as much a hindrance as a help. He is exhausted and doesn't see the same extreme need as me to keep things in order, have a schedule, etc. He wants to but is too tired to very often.

I am starting to think of cutting my hours or hiring someone for those 2 hours at the end of the day so my husband doesn't have to come home. I'm not sure. What do you all think of this?
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amother
Linen


 

Post Tue, Sep 01 2015, 2:30 pm
s0rry, I know this is going to sound harsh but

you need more cleaning help, and you need to cut your hours, however you can, its not normal for a kid to be on such a rigid nighttime schedule. It is also not enough to make sure they do there homework. As they get older they need you to have time and strength to just listen.

You cant do that with your schedule. u need to find a way to cut back.
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sped




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 06 2015, 5:40 am
I think having homework help can be a big plus. You can get a h.s. girl, so less $$$. Not only does that free up your time, it also takes off a lot of the stress. (HW is really stressful for parents!)
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Wed, Sep 09 2015, 2:16 pm
So I just got a call from a local hs. I will get chessed girls twice a week for an hour each time. I'm so eternally gratefully, I am practically crying. Now, I don't want to be greedy, but can I call another local hs, explain my sitch and that I am already getting 2 girls and ask if they can send one or two a week? What about the teachers? I have my older son's orientation tonight. How much do I tell them and how much is tmi and private?
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 09 2015, 2:20 pm
amother wrote:
So I just got a call from a local hs. I will get chessed girls twice a week for an hour each time. I'm so eternally gratefully, I am practically crying. Now, I don't want to be greedy, but can I call another local hs, explain my sitch and that I am already getting 2 girls and ask if they can send one or two a week? What about the teachers? I have my older son's orientation tonight. How much do I tell them and how much is tmi and private?


Call as many high schools as you want and get as many girls as you can. Tell the teacher as much as you feel comfortable with.
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