Are you from a big family?

amother

Coffee

Sat, Aug 29 2015, 9:22 pm

I believe coping is a relative term. I come from a very large family (upper teens range). My mother always had cleaning help, at times live in, and at times live out. She did not work out of the house. My mother was a super power house of a person, but all of those pregnancies wore her body down. (Imagine being pregnant or postpartum for over 20 years straight). That still would have been ok, had my parents had shalom Bayis, and my father actually carried some of the burden of raising a family.
I believe that it definitely can be done, if it is properly thought out, and the parents are realistic in their expectations of life. Also, both parents must be fully on board and support each other emotionally and physically.

amother

Navy

Sat, Aug 29 2015, 10:29 pm

I come from a family of 6 and went into a family of 16! I loved the change. My mil coped? By every person "cope" has a different definition. By somebody it will mean that if there's supper on the table every night and the kids have clean laundry even out of the hamper they're coping and by somebody that doesn't mean coping cuz the laundry must be folded and put away. I don't think my mil coped even just for the very basics. But I could say that her kids are HAPPY kids. I therefore look at it positive. I would love to have a big family. I bh have more than my mom does but not yet close to what my mil has. There's is something to it to have a a lot of siblings. My dh loves it that he has his brothers. He has a relationship with all of his brothers. Of course with some more than others

amother

Orchid

Sat, Aug 29 2015, 10:33 pm

I come from a family of eight. I loved growing up with my many siblings but it turned sour and though I wish I could handle more kids so I can give mine the experience and lifelong friends I cannot cope and only have a very tiny family. This is what I can manage.

amother

Goldenrod

Sat, Aug 29 2015, 10:35 pm

Im from a family of four very spaced children [closest is three years, largest gap is six.
I have three kids under five and intend to have as many as Hashem blesses me with for now. The first pregnancy was hard for me, and once I got busy with my kids, I don't notice being pregnant anymore. I love my kids so much and love mothering and want to do that, and only that, as my life's mission. I don't know how long this feeling will last, and if something happens and I am not managing, of course I will take a break, but for now I love this life and find so much fulfilment in helping these little people grow into their potentials. Such a bracha!

freedomseek

Sat, Aug 29 2015, 10:54 pm

I come from a family of ten, minimal spacing. There was a lot of tension in the house throughout my childhood.... It was also full of fun but the constant anxiety ate at my insides..
Im not saying the amount of children is the only cause, but definitely a big factor.

amother

Bronze

Sat, Aug 29 2015, 11:15 pm

amother wrote:

(Six kids IS a big family).

Carmen Luna

Sun, Aug 30 2015, 2:31 am

my grandmother had 17 kids. one of her sons have 19, one has 17, one has 16 ,a few have between 10 - 12. im one of 5 (tiny for my family's standards) Growing up I watched my aunts raise their children. the one with 19 nebech passed away leaving over 11 kids at home. My uncle together with his oldest daughter raise the children, all of them are always clean with smiles on their faces. my aunt with the 17 children changes linen for all the beds EVERY SINGLE DAY!( I didnt believe it until I didnt see it myself) and then I have my aunt with the 16 children who apparently thinks that a mother's sole responsibility is getting the baby outta her womb, then the child is on her own..another aunt with 12 children is ALWAYS smiling and laughing, making arts and crafts with the kids etc.. Every woman is different, and should know if she can handle a lot of children or not. My aunt with the 17 children told me that for over 20 years she never slept more than 5 hours a night, My grandmother, raised 17 children too and never ever left the house, was always there for her kids. In her later years she had a simcha ( wedding, bar mitzva, bris, tenoim, pidyon haben, graduation, any show a grandaughter was part of she was there) of a grandchild at least once a week k'h

amother

Emerald

Sun, Aug 30 2015, 2:39 am

I come from a family of 10 and I loved it and still love it.
My mother coped in terms of all our physical and practical needs. House was clean and well taken care of, we always had clean clothes, doctor appointments, braces, dentists appointments, as teenagers dermatologists etc, speech therapists etc. We also went to extra swimming, music, dance and sport lessons after school. (Not all of us did all of those lessons, but we all did some extra stuff).

We all went to Yeshiva, Seminary, parents married all of us of beautifully etc...

So in that sense my parents definitely coped. My father was a huge help around the house, I have distinct memories of my father giving us bathes, washing the dishes after shabbos, making school lunches in the morning. Etc...

Money was tight, but we always had a bit of help- mostly because my mother worked in the morning, so someone was usually home babysitting the baby.
I am part of the younger kids, so I can't comment how it would be to be one of the oldest.

My parents didn't provide lots of emotional support- However, I truly believe this is not because of the amount of kids they have, its because of how they were raised (by Holocaust survivors) and their personalities.
I really loved growing up in such a family.

And I think most of my siblings feel the same. I don't think we will have as many kids as my mom, but I think most of us- will have between 6-10 kids. (Anyone one of us- like myself who will have less- it's because of specific fertility or medical issues- unfortunately)