How to handle a regression

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 7:55 pm

My daughter is almost 3 1/2, and she basically toilet trained herself around 8 MONTHS AGO. She was totally fine - day, night, everything! Then, we moved into a new house recently (3 months), and since the move she has only used 1 of the 3 bathrooms. That was fine with me, because she is very picky in all she does, so as long as she was ok with one toilet, I was happy.

Then, all of the sudden, she decided that she can't use that toilet either. May be because it clogged once, but now, even after I show her that it flushes fine, she refuses to use it. She would hold it in for ridiculous amounts of time until she either got to playgroup or made on the floor. No amount of bribing, pleading, threatening - nothing helped. She stopped using ANY toilet!!!

This past weekend, we went away, and I couldn't handle the craziness any more (her constant dancing around, trying to hold it in, screaming, never knowing when she would have the accident), so I went out and bought her a potty. She was all excited about it and helped me choose it, but then REFUSED to use it. Having no choice, I went back and got her pull-ups. Now she is back in pull-ups.

So now I do not know what to do. I am not clear on what caused this regression. There are no newborns in the house, it wasn't immediately after our move - nothing in her life changed. She is a very stubborn kid and just like she trained herself independently, now she "un-trained" herself. So what do I do?

HELP! Smile

sourstix

Mon, Aug 31 2015, 9:18 pm

oh wow. I am not expert, but I can definitely sympathize with you. as I had a child do this much older. but not a picky kid so its not the same and definitely not a stubborn one. what about #2? what does she do then? is something hurting her? take her for urine test. speak with the doctor in front of her she might give you some insight while talking about it. or ask her why she is holding it in it probably hurts. ask her why. she is kind of old enought to tell you. if she isnt then ask her to show you if anything hurts. also I make a bathroom time and give loads of books. tell her if she doesnt sit there you will take away something she has. I wouldnt bribe. its a chore we all learn to do. I would give her loads of books to keep her sitting there. speak with her teacher see what she says. is she behaving there? is everything going good there? maybe pop up there to see whats going on. maybe something is bothering her in school. not saying something is. but she cant get away with doing this. it cause so many other issues. she can be constipated at this point and shes afraid of that. I dont know you didnt say so.

Tue, Sep 01 2015, 10:09 am

Yeah, she definitely does get constipated because she doesn't eat any fruits or vegetables, plus she holds it in for a long time...

If I try to take away something she has, she will just cry, but still won't do it. I told her that I would only sit with her while she is going to sleep if she makes first. She refused to make and just kept crying "it's not fair" until she fell asleep... embarrassed

Thanks for the idea about a UTI, I don't think it hurts her because she is happily making in her pullup now, but I will definitely keep an eye out for that. Otherwise, when I try to question her, she doesn't give me a reason - I asked her if she is afraid to fall in, or that the toilet will break, and not getting anywhere....

I guess I am looking for ideas on how to motivate her positively, or any tricks people have used....

Thanks!!!!

sourstix

Tue, Sep 01 2015, 10:30 am

listen if she has constipation she is in pain. holding in for that many hours is very painful. you can speak with your pediatrician about options. but you need to show her you are tougher. not abusive chv' but that she cant get away. did she say somehting hurts? you need to get to the bottom of it. first establish pain. then it might be behavioral. she sounds like a strong minded child. training yourself is just wow!.

sourstix

Tue, Sep 01 2015, 10:54 am

I would definitely have a chat with pediatrician. try to rule out any medical issues. she is obviously able to keep it in. what does the teacher say about her going to the bathroom? does she refuse and cry? I am just trying to see where the pattern is. how is she otherwise? did she have stomach issues when she was younger? I am not that experienced. but my experience with my child had started at a very young age. and isnt resolved yet totally. to but if she was ok till now then you need to try to zero in on anything going on around her. who does she play with? is she showing other signs? I dont know her I am therefore asking. but it might not be relevant.

Tue, Sep 01 2015, 11:05 am

She is fearful in some ways, like if my kids do something that she thinks is dangerous, she will scream out of fear for THEM. The sleeping isn't an issue, she just likes me to sit with her for a few minutes and hold her hand while she goes to sleep, which I think is ok at her age.