why are rebbes doing this?!

boymom

Tue, Sep 01 2015, 10:04 pm

I remember having a teacher appointed bedtime in first grade. I think it was 7;15 . im sure my mom was glad about that one.

for my 7 yr old- I had to write on his hmwk sheet each night when he went to sleep. the rebbe encouraged them to go to bed before 8;00. for me it was no problem cuz I wanted him in bed by then regardless. when he did go to bed late, nothing happened.

I think that a rebbe can see if a student is consistently tired in cheder and mom is writing a late bedtime, then its a call for action. if bedtime is late, but child is doing well in school, don't think the rebbe would do anything about it. some homes are just run differently, but functional. and some are not so functional. and the kids sleep thru school.

boymom

Tue, Sep 01 2015, 10:06 pm

Barbara wrote:

It sounds to me like they're trying to micromanage kids' lives not because they want them to get enough sleep, but because they want to make sure there's no time for after school activities they don't approve of.

lol. lol. lol.
what kind of unapproved activites can my 7 yr old be involved in that I don't know about???

happybeingamom

Tue, Sep 01 2015, 10:21 pm

I happen to like the bedtime rule but it didn't work for my child she needed to see her father before she went to sleep. I had a conversation with the teacher explaining why I had to do a later bedtime and that was the end of it.

If you feel a particular class rule is not good for your child have a conversation with the teacher/Rebbe about it. From my experience with teachers and Rabbeim they make accommodations.

Bruria

Tue, Sep 01 2015, 11:40 pm

Children do need sleep and should sleep early, however, I believe that this is a job for the parents, not the rebbe.
Also, different households have different routines based on the needs of the entire family, the rebbe or teacher is not in charge of anyone's house, so I believe it is OK for them to suggest, but to keep actual track of the time your kids sleep is very inappropriate.

MagentaYenta

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 12:23 am

If the school/rebbe wanted to send out a flyer with info on sleep requirements by age it would be appropriate. I remember getting some good handouts from the kids schools on a variety of age appropriate subjects. The information really helped me understand the changing body clocks of adolescents and other stages of school age kids development. I don't feel it's appropriate for someone in that position to request that parents document their bedtimes or or have to explain a deviance from their (recommended) bedtimes.

DrMom

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 1:03 am

Bruria wrote:

This. I thought the letter sounded very intrusive.

chani8

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 1:36 am

I think early bed time is excellent. I once had child guests who went to sleep at 630pm on their own, so I put the rest of the kids to bed early too, and what a difference it made, for the good. Mornings were easier and much more pleasant.

You might try with your 7 year old: No one is forcing you to go to sleep, but you need to go to bed at 745 like your rebbe said. What you do on your bed is your choice. You can read or play quietly. However, you might find getting to sleep early makes the next day easier.

That said, this is just another way that the schools invade the family's privacy. You have rules on how to vacation, what is permitted on down time, how to dress, what hechshers are permitted, and now, you're told when to go to sleep.

imaima

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 4:09 am

sourstix wrote:

my son is 7 yrs old and the rebbe wants him in bed at 7:45. I have so much pressure from this. I hate hate hate it. please explain why the kid and mother needs all this pressure. I have so much more to deal with.

he doesnt want to deal with a cranky kid. who does?

imaima

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 4:31 am

Bruria wrote:

Children do need sleep and should sleep early, however, I believe that this is a job for the parents, not the rebbe.
.

Yes. And you know what? If the rebbe wants parents to log kids bedtime every nihgt, he acts as a social worker who makes sure that parents stay on top of it. It means that many parents are not capable of providing their children with age appropriate sleeping conditions.

Whoever said that it should not be the pressure on the mother but the child should be in charge of putting himself to sleep by 7.45 - are you serious?? So it's rebbes and student's job to get him to sleep at a proper hour, and mother is out of the equation?

Bedtime should not be a pressure - it should have been a part of OP's life by now! Then the rebbe would not have needed to impose it on her

buzz

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 6:37 am

morah wrote:

That sounds a bit on the early side for 7 but not much, and anyway, a lot depends on when he needs to wake up. Kids need sleep. It's tough at the beginning of the year, which is why it is recommended to start going back to school year bedtimes a week or two in advance. In any event, why is it such a pressure? Is the rebbe going to come over and scold you for not keeping to the suggested bedtime? Definitely be on top of your son to get to sleep at a time that allows for 10 or so hours before he has to wake up, but I don't think you need to worry about the rebbe.

Early? I thought that was late! my kids aged, 8, 6.5, 5 and 3 all go to bed at 7/7.15 and wake up 11 hrs or so later

morah

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 7:38 am

buzz wrote:

Early? I thought that was late! my kids aged, 8, 6.5, 5 and 3 all go to bed at 7/7.15 and wake up 11 hrs or so later

It depends on a number of factors. What time does the child need to wake up? If the kid needs to make a 6:45 bus, then they will probably need to go down even earlier than that, but if they just need to walk around the corner at 7:45, then even an 11 hour sleeper can stay up a little later. The average need for sleep at that is 10 hours. Average, so some will be closer to 11, some might be more like 9. My oldest is 4, so yeah, my household runs a much earlier bedtime right now, but I know a few 7 year olds and 8-8:15 seems to be what they do, and it does sound about right. 7:45 is certainly appropriate for one who sleeps more or needs to get up really early.

Ema of 5

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 8:23 am

imaima wrote:

Please correct me if I'm wrong. Are you saying that parents who don't make their kids go to sleep crazy early are not capable of providing their children with age appropriate sleeping conditions?
Last year my sons second grade rebbi (so my son was 7/8) recommended 8:00. It was a recommendation no signing, no incentive, NO PRESSURE. This year, the recommendation is 8:30. That's doable for me. He starts getting ready for bed at 8:00, is in bed by 8:10/8:15, and then we have 15/20 minutes of mommy time :-) it works because my other kids are younger than him and go to bed earlier. 7:45 was never even on our horizon last year.

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 9:03 am

yenny wrote:

Just got a good laugh
MY son is 7 years old and the rebbe let's him be out of bed till7:45. I have so much pressure from my son ,he doesn't want to go to sleep earlier even if I would want him in bed by 7:30.I hate hate hate this.

LOL, I have the same problem. My 8 year old's bed time is 7:30 and his Rebbi tells them 8:00. Every day he goes on and on about how I make him go to sleep the earliest in the class. I feel that the 7:30 is important because he only wakes up at 8:00, it's not that he's waking up to early because he goes to sleep early.

imaima

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 9:44 am

eema of 3 wrote:

Do you think the suggested bedtime is abstract? like, it is in no way related to the wake up time that would able the child to show up at school on time?
And why is it impossible to put a child to bed when there are older siblings? Does everyone live on teenahe schedule in those households, including babies?

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 9:46 am

I have never heard of such a thing, where the teacher tells the students a good bedtime or the bedtime. Is this a charedi cheder thing? Seriously never heard of this before this thread.

Last edited by shabbatiscoming on Wed, Sep 02 2015, 9:52 am; edited 1 time in total

Chayalle

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 9:53 am

Ha ha. My big girls remember being in bed by 7 when they were young. I remember it too - rather wistfully. Those days, when the kids were in bed I had some down time for myself to read and relax before DH came home...then quiet supper - no interruptions!!! - with DH, every.single.night.

Life changes when your kids grow up. With two teens in the house, privacy means a walk or a ride in the car, and even then we have to gently discourage them from joining us, and make time for same with their company.....Bed times don't happen till about 10 or later, and often I'm ready for bed before my teens are.

So where does that leave my 7 year old DD? I let myself chill this summer and kept her on an intuitive bedtime...basically, she let me know when she was tired, and that's when I said Sh'ma with her and it was bedtime. For the last two weeks, I went back to bedtime and moved that time down slowly, and now it's at about 8:30 to 8:45. I highly doubt it will get any earlier than that.

Truth is, Lakewood has staggered busing so she doesn't leave to school until 9 a.m. So she gets enough sleep anyway. Why stress myself?

I sure hope her Morah doesn't come up with any rules for me.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Sep 02 2015, 9:56 am

Chayalle wrote:

Wow, thats amazing. My 7 year old has to be at her bus stop at 7 am. She starts school at 7:30 (here they have staggering also, and she is the first school to start in the morning) so she is in bed by 7 or else the morning is absolutely painful for her.