Questions re Shloshim for Parent

amother

Orange

Thu, Sep 03 2015, 5:08 am

I'd like to get a feel of what is done for Shloshim of a parent; in terms of siyum, seudah, going to feld, saying kadish.....

As I know myself, there is so much grey in the area of what is done and not done as opposed to actual Halacha when it comes to these things, so Im going to tell you our situation and like to have some wise ima mothers opinions. Or if some things are not opinions, then I will ask a Rav. The thing is, my siblings each have their own Rav, which makes things more complicated.

My father's shloshim is coming up next week. There is only one son in the family and he will not be attending. The rest is girls, and they will all be here. We plan on having a seduah after shkiyah, and making a siyum. If my brother's not there, is kadish said after the siyum? Isnt that the whole point? There will be other men there obviously, the ones who finished the mishyayis leuleh nishmas my father. So THEY say kadish? In terms of going to feld the following morning and having a minyan there - is that always done? is there a minyan that is normally gathered with kadish being said? but again, my brother, who says kadish for my father, will not be there.

I hope I was not too confusing giving over the information. There is a lot of stuff and un unity going on, and just want to know facts to relay.

Thank you

Chayalle

Thu, Sep 03 2015, 2:34 pm

Would all of you sisters agree to ask one Rav so you could do the same thing, just for this? Maybe your father's Rav, if applicable?

I'm in the year of aveilus for my mother A"H now, and for certain things my sisters and I decided to ask the same Rav - mainly involving my youngest sister's wedding, as we all wanted to be united in this and there for her.

For the shloshim, my brothers live in E"Y and they made a siyum there, and went to the cemetery after with a minyan. I don't know more about the details of Kaddish because I was not present. Our Rav said there was no inyan to make another seuda/siyum here, and that in fact we should not do so, so we didn't.