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If there was one thing you can do....
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boymom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 02 2015, 7:34 pm
if there was one thing you would do if not for the factor called peer pressure or social norms, what would you do? (don't include things that you don't do because of halachah)

I would wear a wrapunzel (spelling?) during the summer months. I mean the heat is getting to me. I shvitzed like a _fill in the blank_ today. I think my shaitel makes me shvitz more and a tichel would feel much cooler. the problem is though, if I put one one- they'll put me in Bellevue for the year cuz I mustve cracked. like who am I ? the next rebbitzen? also, its not the norm here to jump from shaitel to tichel whenever its convenient.
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amazingmommy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 02 2015, 9:05 pm
boymom wrote:
if there was one thing you would do if not for the factor called peer pressure or social norms, what would you do? (don't include things that you don't do because of halachah)

I would wear a wrapunzel (spelling?) during the summer months. I mean the heat is getting to me. I shvitzed like a _fill in the blank_ today. I think my shaitel makes me shvitz more and a tichel would feel much cooler. the problem is though, if I put one one- they'll put me in Bellevue for the year cuz I mustve cracked. like who am I ? the next rebbitzen? also, its not the norm here to jump from shaitel to tichel whenever its convenient.

Oooooohhh me too:) LOL
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 10:10 am
I don't cave into peer pressure. I do what I want. (With what's allowed)
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 10:34 am
What a sad post.
What will happen if you wear a tichel and everyone thinks you're cracked? And then what? And so??
I give you a bracha that you grow up very quickly and learn that these things really don't matter.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 11:14 am
In Flatbush, I have noticed it is slowly becoming less "nuts" to wear Tichels. Even by weddings, I am starting to see them more.
In a few more summers, you may have your wish!
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 12:34 pm
I grew up in the heart of Monsey in a very frum family. My whole life I was told that I couldn't do things... Well, because. No one had a reason, it just wasn't "socially" acceptable.
Well, I pierced my nose (a small elegant stud)
Wore "untraditional" makeup (winged liner!)
Went for an "untraditional " degree in healthcare vs the standard teaching or speech therapy
Wore COLOR (huge gasp)
And a lot of other ones I can't think of offhand.
My motto is do whatever you want, provided that it's not against Torah and not damaging to your close relationships.
OP if you want to wear wrapunzel, ROCK IT!
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 12:34 pm
amother wrote:
I grew up in the heart of Monsey in a very frum family. My whole life I was told that I couldn't do things... Well, because. No one had a reason, it just wasn't "socially" acceptable.
Well, I pierced my nose (a small elegant stud)
Wore "untraditional" makeup (winged liner!)
Went for an "untraditional " degree in healthcare vs the standard teaching or speech therapy
Wore COLOR (huge gasp)
And a lot of other ones I can't think of offhand.
My motto is do whatever you want, provided that it's not against Torah and not damaging to your close relationships.
OP if you want to wear wrapunzel, ROCK IT!
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amother
Coral


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 12:43 pm
My needs are simpler, OP. The pretied bandanas are waaay easier than wrapunzel.
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Dandelion1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 12:56 pm
That's funny.... In my neck of the woods, sheitels are considered much more "rebitzeny" than tichels!
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 1:02 pm
Thankfully I'm past the stage of worrying about peer pressure. I do whatever I want whenever I want.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 1:51 pm
heidi wrote:
What a sad post.
What will happen if you wear a tichel and everyone thinks you're cracked? And then what? And so??
I give you a bracha that you grow up very quickly and learn that these things really don't matter.

I think your putting down here
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 3:04 pm
I was about to list at least half a dozen things but realized that that would totally out me, because most women in the neighborhood still don't do them. Some of them do some of those things but nobody else does all of them. So I will just say that, among other things, I entered a field that is male dominated and practically Judenrein, not to prove anything or be different, but because I sort of fell into it.

Once you decide that you have to do what's best for you and if anybody doesn't like it they can lump it, it becomes second nature and you don't waste time agonizing over what will the busybodies, Jewish or otherwise, think. If a certain type of bag or shoe or hat or mode of transportation or line of work suits my needs, I'm going to use it whether it's "in" or not.

That said, I don't do things stam lehach'is. I will avoid doing things if feelings will be hurt or meaningful sensitivities offended. I will wear my red athletic shoes and denim skirt to go shopping in Charediville, and if they don't like it they can lump it, but I wouldn't dream of wearing short sleeves while I'm there. One objection is not meaningful and the other is.
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boymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 5:34 pm
really sweet of everyone to give me advice on my peer pressure. I'd much more appreciate if anyone can just answer my question. a question deserves an answer. I didn't ask for advice. I just want to know what you don't do because of social norms or peer pressure. I don't think anyone needs to worry about my peer pressure. (I actually suffer from less peer pressure than most of the pple I know, and my community unfortunately suffers from a LOT of peer pressure. ex. when I go to the babysitter, im the only one without a bugaboo)
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 6:02 pm
not have a whole bar mitzvah celebration in a hall, at the shul, etc. for my son.
its very expected among our families.
I hate parties with ppl I don't really have anything to do with.
My son wouldn't mind if we didn't do it either.
My husband minds though.
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boymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 6:16 pm
amother wrote:
not have a whole bar mitzvah celebration in a hall, at the shul, etc. for my son.
its very expected among our families.
I hate parties with ppl I don't really have anything to do with.
My son wouldn't mind if we didn't do it either.
My husband minds though.


just wondering why you would invite pple you don't know well to your sons bar mitzvah?
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 6:21 pm
DH knows them, I don't. He's very social, I'm not.
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youngishbear




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 6:32 pm
amother wrote:
not have a whole bar mitzvah celebration in a hall, at the shul, etc. for my son.
its very expected among our families.
I hate parties with ppl I don't really have anything to do with.
My son wouldn't mind if we didn't do it either.
My husband minds though.


I completely understand this. I think simchos have gotten out of hand, and many if not most attendees come out of obligation and not with joy. I don't want to torture anyone while celebrating a milestone in my child's life.

Now, if only I can implement this and not offend anyone...
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boymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 6:35 pm
amother wrote:
DH knows them, I don't. He's very social, I'm not.


oh. ya. got it. feel the same . I hate being forced into social events when im not interested in socializing. especially with people I don't know well.
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boymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 6:42 pm
amother wrote:
I grew up in the heart of Monsey in a very frum family. My whole life I was told that I couldn't do things... Well, because. No one had a reason, it just wasn't "socially" acceptable.
Well, I pierced my nose (a small elegant stud)
Wore "untraditional" makeup (winged liner!)
Went for an "untraditional " degree in healthcare vs the standard teaching or speech therapy
Wore COLOR (huge gasp)
And a lot of other ones I can't think of offhand.
My motto is do whatever you want, provided that it's not against Torah and not damaging to your close relationships.
OP if you want to wear wrapunzel, ROCK IT!


I know its off topic, but its my thread , so I guess I can. u mentioned the winged liner. do you mean when the liner extends passed the eyelid , in a slanted look? gives the eyes an Asian look?
I always wondered why pple do that? I personally don't like it. I think most pple don't look good in it. do pple do it for style? taste? it represents something? I always wondered about it. please explain if you can.

and about the fact you wore color- lol. I could never understand how black became a style. I loved color and wore color, until I was the only one in the family picture wearing a light blue outfit. then I stopped. I couldn't anymore. as soon as color was back in - I grabbed onto it. (im talking about Shabbos clothes. weekday I always wore color, regardless.)
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 6:56 pm
youngishbear wrote:
I completely understand this. I think simchos have gotten out of hand, and many if not most attendees come out of obligation and not with joy. I don't want to torture anyone while celebrating a milestone in my child's life.

Now, if only I can implement this and not offend anyone...


We did it and I don't think anyone was offended. We made a Bar Mitzva and we only invited the people we knew would want to be there. We invited our parents, our siblings and their children and three or four very good friends of mine and my husbands. If it was my friend and my dh is not friendly with the husband or the opposite, we made it very clear that the spouse was invited, but we would totally understand if they didn't want to come. I think they appreciated it. My son wasn't allowed to invite his class, so he invited his good friends from the neighborhood. Everyone who was there really enjoyed themselves.

I just hope I can do something similar when it comes to my kids weddings, but I don't know if we will be able to.
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