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Why are rebbes doing this?!
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 10:08 am
Barbara wrote:
I attended public school. Our teachers never did that.

My husband attended day school. His teachers never did that.

My brother's kids first attended public school, then a prestigious private school. Their teachers never did that.

My friend's kids have attended city public schools, suburban public schools, g&t programs, special needs programs, prestigious private schools, day schools, and yeshivas. None of their teachers have done that.

It is not normal for a school to interfere in everyday parenting decisions.

I note that we preferred a later bedtime. My mother, OTOH, liked a relatively early bedtime, so she put as to bed when she deemed appropriate. Its called "parenting." I cannot imagine, as a parent, feeling that I needed the assistance of a teacher who at this point in the year barely knows my child, doesn't know me, and knows nothing or my home, family, or family structure, to help with basic parenting.


Once again. You are taking this whole thing out of context. No teachers are calling up parents to set up bedtimes for individual children. On the homework sheet, there is a box with the words "went to bed at 7:30" with a check next to it. You either check it, or you don't. I as a mother appreciate it, because I make a big deal of checking it off, and my kids are excited to get checks. If you don't appreciate it, just ignore it. Why are you making it sound like the teachers are prying into your life and forcing you to parent certain ways? That is clearly not the case here.

And btw, why are you so sure that none of your relatives or friends have teachers that have a bedtime check box on the homework sheets? It's not likely that anyone would discuss it. It's a complete non issue and probably not a very exciting topic of conversation.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 12:03 pm
mommy2b2c wrote:
Once again. You are taking this whole thing out of context. No teachers are calling up parents to set up bedtimes for individual children. On the homework sheet, there is a box with the words "went to bed at 7:30" with a check next to it. You either check it, or you don't. I as a mother appreciate it, because I make a big deal of checking it off, and my kids are excited to get checks. If you don't appreciate it, just ignore it. Why are you making it sound like the teachers are prying into your life and forcing you to parent certain ways? That is clearly not the case here.

And btw, why are you so sure that none of your relatives or friends have teachers that have a bedtime check box on the homework sheets? It's not likely that anyone would discuss it. It's a complete non issue and probably not a very exciting topic of conversation.


Why does it make op so stressed out?
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 12:14 pm
imaima wrote:
Why does it make op so stressed out?


Because she generally finds life stressful?
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 12:30 pm
None of my kids teachers have set a bedtime, but they have all mentioned the importance of getting enough sleep. They usually say something on open house or back to school night. They will talk about how parents can help kids be successful in school- make sure they eat good breakfast, have nutritious lunch, get lots of sleep, help the little ones remember their homework.

When they do it this way I really don't mind.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 12:32 pm
imaima wrote:
Why does it make op so stressed out?


I have no idea. Maybe she is the kind of person who takes everything seriously and stresses over everything?

I know a lot of people who have bedtime on the homework sheet, I have never heard of anyone being stressed before.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 12:37 pm
I would probably learn to lie if I was imposed a bedtime... it's so, so, so odd. Unless the parent asked for help? Back off
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boymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 9:50 pm
Ruchel wrote:
I would probably learn to lie if I was imposed a bedtime... it's so, so, so odd. Unless the parent asked for help? Back off


sometimes the parents that need help, don't ask for it. I think its to give unassuming moms an idea of what is considered normal bedtime for a child. there are parents that think an 8 yr old can go to sleep at 11 and still concentrate in school. impossible. im an adult and if I got to sleep after 12 more than 2 days in a row, im in bad shape. humans need sleep. read my earlier post of dh student that wasn't functioning in school.

if a parent is normal, and has normal bedtime routine that is not exactly what the rebbe said, the rebbe is not going to punish the kid. or report the parents to ACS. rebbes have too much on their heads to really care what goes on in the kids house after school hours. he cares how the kid is functioning in class.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 9:16 am
So should he also make a menu? maybe some parents only feed nosh at night
No, not his business, back off. I am a teacher. I would never consider this unless asked. If not asked I won't think "oh they must need it but they don't ask". Especially not on stuff so out of my responsibility.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 9:29 am
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Last edited by Barbara on Wed, Sep 09 2015, 3:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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boymom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 9:55 am
Ruchel wrote:
So should he also make a menu? maybe some parents only feed nosh at night
No, not his business, back off. I am a teacher. I would never consider this unless asked. If not asked I won't think "oh they must need it but they don't ask". Especially not on stuff so out of my responsibility.

I teach. I don't set a standard bedtime at all. but If issues come up, the first thing I ask the parent is when the kid goes to sleep. and very often, the mom says, "I know its late bedtime ... but I have big kids.... ok. I'll try to work on it". of course its hard to put a young kid to sleep when everyone else is up, but your child is suffering. and until the teacher doesn't comment, mom is in denial about it. so the rebbes try to nip it in the bud before they run into problems. I don't find it intrusive.
about the menus? most schools get funding to serve breakfast, lunch and healthy snack. so if nosh is served for supper, then at least the other 2 meals are covered. though it think some schools take advantage and don't do the breakfast part like they should... but when inspection arrives, you bet theres breakfast.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 10:10 am
I get that there arecertain segments of orthodoxy where there's a disturbing amount of encroachment into life outside of school. I just don't see this as an example of that. We don't even know what the rebbe said, as we weren't there. He probably said something like it's important to get enough sleep so we can all learn our best the next day. Early, like 7:45, is a good time to go to bed. Even if he said it more forcefully and used language like must or chiyuv, it would be a little much, but at the end of the day, he's not going to your house to check on you and yell at you for not doing it and nobody's kids are going to be kicked out of school or blacklisted in shidduchim over this.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 3:55 pm
Hey everyone, look what I just found: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry.....00037
Apparently it's NOT just crazy chareidi schools and their crazy rebbes intent on dictating family life outside of school!
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 5:08 pm
morah wrote:
Hey everyone, look what I just found: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry.....00037
Apparently it's NOT just crazy chareidi schools and their crazy rebbes intent on dictating family life outside of school!


That's very similar to the handouts I would get from my kids public school. It's good information and presented as such. It doesn't require parents to sign kids homework with their bedtimes.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 5:17 pm
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Last edited by Barbara on Wed, Sep 09 2015, 3:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 5:19 pm
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Last edited by Barbara on Wed, Sep 09 2015, 3:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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BrachaBatya




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 5:28 pm
This is news to me. In our community, no rabbi tells us when to put the kids to bed!!!!! It seems to me it's not their business to give an exact time. It's one thing for the school authorities to say "please work with us so the kids get enough sleep - it's for their betterment." But to give an actual time and insist upon it? No thanks!!! MYOB!
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 5:46 pm
BrachaBatya wrote:
This is news to me. In our community, no rabbi tells us when to put the kids to bed!!!!! It seems to me it's not their business to give an exact time. It's one thing for the school authorities to say "please work with us so the kids get enough sleep - it's for their betterment." But to give an actual time and insist upon it? No thanks!!! MYOB!


Key words. Insist upon it. Nobody is insisting on anything. Nobody is getting into your business. If you don't sign, no one mentions it. The end. There are better things to argue about.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 6:10 pm
Barbara wrote:
Do you truly not understand the difference between a school providing parents with a chart setting out an appropriate bedtime, based on the age of the child and his/her wakeup time, as a suggestion, on the one hand, and a teacher making a specific bedtime part of a child's homework, on the homework sheet?

I do understand. Not a single poster on this thread has said anything that you're suggesting. The OP said her sons son's rebbe said they have to go bed at a certain time. Not a single mention of any kind of sign in sheet or any other mechanism of enforcement. And we don't know what the rebbe actually said. We know how one seven year old child interpreted what his rebbe said. For all we know, he may have said it's good to go to bed early, like 7:45 or so. Other posters brought up signing sheets, but not a single one has indicated this is mandatory. It's some sort of incentive program. Now, we can debate the wisdom or value of teachers incentivizing bedtime and having parents sign for it, but how is this even remotely related to schools kicking kids out because mom wears the wrong color shaitel or whatever? Not everything you disagree with is a symptom of a larger problem.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 6:17 pm
mommyla wrote:
My son is the same age and his rebbi does that too. I love it - it's an added incentive to get to bed on time (there's a section on his homework sheet where you write what time he went to bed). I also find that it's a good way to communicate with the rebbi - if he went to sleep late for whatever reason, the rebbi knows about it and can expect some increased crankiness and/or misbehavior.

His rebbi last year (and the year before) did it too. The only thing I'm annoyed about this year is that it's been bumped up to 8:00! Very Happy


Morah this is the first example I found of a mother reporting bedtimes to the school. I found it on page 1 of the thread. There may be more if you look.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 6:31 pm
MagentaYenta wrote:
Morah this is the first example I found of a mother reporting bedtimes to the school. I found it on page 1 of the thread. There may be more if you look.

Doesn't say anything about a requirement. It's on the sheet. She fills it out. I'd like to know what happens if she forgets to fill it out or decides she doesn't want to at all. Anyway, I know you're 3 hours behind me, so I won't be able to reply again till after Shabbos Smile
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