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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 9:02 pm
please explain to me the difference between anger and frustration? I know what anger feels like it makes me think irrational. but can you also give examples? is there any way to pick up on a person when they are angry and when they are just frustrated? I dont have the best social skills and I dont read peoples body language at all. in fact I try to read dh moods and I think I am getting them wrong. dh did tell me he thinks I dont pick up social ques. so can someone help me? I would really appreciate it.
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 03 2015, 9:34 pm
Anger makes your heart beat faster, your breathing rapid and can produce an adrenaline rush. Frustration is feeling upset as a result of not being able to do something, or accomplish something, or succeed at something.

You asked for examples.

I remember when 1 of my kids was 3, he had a toy car, and it came with a toy man meant to sit in it. Yet, he never seemed able to properly place the man into the car. He would spend a few minutes trying, then start crying and usually hurl both the car and man across the room, then throw himself on the floor kicking his feet. (After a few times of this I got rid of both.) I remember this because he was the most even-tempered boy.

So that's an example of frustration.

I'm not so sure that one can tell what someone else is feeling merely by reading their facial expression. I think a lot of it depends on the context of the situation, your personal history, and also knowing the person.

Not sure if this is the type of answer you were looking for.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 3:03 am
Trying to read someone's moods is codependent. You should be able to trust that if he is upset, he takes care of himself. You do not have to fix his frustration or anger. That's for him to work on.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 3:40 am
chani8 wrote:
Trying to read someone's moods is codependent. You should be able to trust that if he is upset, he takes care of himself. You do not have to fix his frustration or anger. That's for him to work on.

But they need different reactions. Often empathy for frustration and avoidance for anger.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 4:15 am
Iymnok wrote:
But they need different reactions. Often empathy for frustration and avoidance for anger.


To explain myself: ("you" is the general you, or perhaps Op's DH.)

If you need support to deal with your frustration or anger, then ask for it. I do not have to 'read your mood', or 'figure out your body language.'

I don't have to offer empathy or avoid you.

You live in your body. I live in mine. Your mood is your problem. Your feelings are your problem.

The goal is more like, how can I put up a wall against your moods and feelings, so I am not affected by them.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 4:50 am
chani8 wrote:
To explain myself: ("you" is the general you, or perhaps Op's DH.)

If you need support to deal with your frustration or anger, then ask for it. I do not have to 'read your mood', or 'figure out your body language.'

I don't have to offer empathy or avoid you.

You live in your body. I live in mine. Your mood is your problem. Your feelings are your problem.

The goal is more like, how can I put up a wall against your moods and feelings, so I am not affected by them.


A bit off topic, but I want to thank you for such a timely post. I needed to hear this today!

DD is in a horrible mood, and is taking it out on everybody. Everything in her world is horrible, and she hates everyone in it. (Hormonal, 12 years old, in a new country, and it's blazing hot here. Not a good combo.)

I was feeling guilty for not being more sympathetic to her mood, but now I feel like I can just do some self care, and steer clear of her negative vibes. Of course, Confused this will be met with "You just don't CARE!!!" Crying Crying Crying Crying Crying Crying Crying

Honestly, when she gets like this I just want to run away and hide. Confused
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youngishbear




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 9:54 am
chani8 wrote:
Trying to read someone's moods is codependent. You should be able to trust that if he is upset, he takes care of himself. You do not have to fix his frustration or anger. That's for him to work on.


I agree.

If OP generally struggles with social cues, though, it may not be about codependence but about interpersonal skills.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 04 2015, 10:18 am
youngishbear wrote:
I agree.

If OP generally struggles with social cues, though, it may not be about codependence but about interpersonal skills.


I've worked on social cues and interpersonal skills and was taught body language from the POV of how to present yourself in an assertive manner, NOT how to read body language so you can guess your DH's mood.

Social skills training teaches how to be assertive, to ask questions, to check in, to discuss. Not to try to guess or mind read, or even read facial expressions or body language. Those are difficult skills to acquire.
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