Is this abusive behavior?

amother

Ivory

Thu, Sep 10 2015, 9:23 am

Is it abusive behavior to yell "quiet" or "sha", or "stop crying" to a kranky toddler? What about one who is crying because they are hungry/thirsty? What about one who is crying because they got hurt?
Is there a difference?
If it is happening and it is abuse, and the perp doesn't want to go for therapy, is this grounds for divorce?

Stars

Thu, Sep 10 2015, 9:24 am

Well, if it's happening to your child routinely, I would strongly say it's emotionally damaging. YOU are the only one in your child's world who can stick up for him/her and you must do so in whatever way possible.

Last edited by Stars on Thu, Sep 10 2015, 10:02 am; edited 2 times in total

Scrabble123

Thu, Sep 10 2015, 9:30 am

I think that you need to understand that there are a whole lot of things that fall between Great Parenting and Abuse. No, that in and of itself is not abusive but may or may not be abusive in a larger picture. Regardless, it is not great parenting. It isn't validating to the child, but it doesn't make someone a perpetrator of a crime. Yes, children need validation and also need to be given that free pass sometimes not just because they deserve it but because it helps them develop into healthy, happy adults. Also, abuse isn't described by a single behavior or act (unless we're talking about something extreme like say sticking your child's head under the water as punishment) and usually follows a pattern. As a side note, insinuating that that behavior alone means that s/he's committing a crime could be called "abusive" if you follow your local as well, although I'm not throwing that word and it isn't my opinion either. You should both try to work on things. S/he should work on validating the child, what triggers him/her, taking responsibility, and some parenting methods and you on validating and conceptual concepts.

momof2sofar

Thu, Sep 10 2015, 9:35 am

No, it is not abuse. It is not nice if the kid is hurt or tired/hungry but it is certainly not abuse. That person also just needs to learn to have more patience and to deal with crying children. Children cry. Thats the way it is. If their needs can't be met at that time it is ok to say "oh, I see you are ...(hungry, tired, hurt) I'll be with you in one minute". That is not grounds for divorce. Gosh divorce is serious. Some people just need to be able to handle crying better.

Chayalle

Thu, Sep 10 2015, 9:40 am

It's a lack of patience, tolerance, and empathy.

How would this person feel if they were tired, cranky, hurt, or hungry, and stuck in a world full of people bigger than they are....who simply tuned him/her out and said Shah, be quiet, stop it already.

black sheep

Thu, Sep 10 2015, 11:38 am

it is very emotionally damaging. it is emotionally abusive.

if this is the only issue in the marriage, then I don't think divorce would solve this, in fact it would make it worse because the child would not have you to intervene and comfort him/her on visits with the other parent.

however, this is not the time for being a sweet wife, this is the time to put up a big fight!!! it sounds like you have already spoken to you spouse and tried to explain how emotionally damaging this action is, and he is not listening. next step is to say it in front of your child. next time he yells at your toddler for crying, hug your toddler close and turn towards your husband and say very firmly (but not screaming, you don't want to scare the child any more,) "this is my sweet angel and you will not yell at him/her for crying!" then ignore your spouse and hug and kiss your child. stand your ground. defy him in front of your child. let your child know that he/she is allowed to cry, and that he/she deserves to be comforted and not shushed. and make it obvious that you are a safe person to come to, that you will protect your child from emotional abuse.