Advice please: Managing home/DIY interventions

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Sep 18 2015, 2:21 pm

Posting here instead of special needs forums to get more replies because that forum is private.

I have a child who seems to be regressing. Perhaps related to not having any school-based related services since June, or perhaps a different approach is needed. In any case we are having difficulties at home and I feel like I need to go into supermom action plan mode. But I have no clue how and I feel like I'm terrible at this stuff. I've read a lot of books with ideas of how to deal with various challenges, web posts about different approaches, etc, and I just can never keep track of what I'm doing, when to do it, what's working... I'm forgetful and disorganized and inefficient and should probably stop this train of thought right here.

And the child is (beginning) school age so scheduling is iffy too. Between waking up and getting to school is just about enough time to coax the clothes on, getting home from school is later and tired these days, hopefully one day soon we'll also have some therapies to go to after school, and our bedtime routine takes long enough already even though it's pretty simple (pajamas. usually a fruit after because I find that dessert after pajamas makes the changing go a lot faster. So "dessert" and bentching. Then brushing teeth, two books, shema, and tucking in. Doing this straight after supper usually ends us up in bed around the right time with no extra massaging or whatever else I might like to try.)

We probably need diet changes but I am too overwhelmed to even think about eliminating whole food categories (I'd want to try eliminating both gluten and dairy, and then reintroducing one at a time to see what changes. But between picky eating and already existing behavior challenges, I am not ready to pick this fight in addition to having to buy and prepare different foods!)

I would like to add in sensory activities. Our OT wasn't very helpful in setting up a home program but I bought "The Parent-Child Dance" (book) which has a lot of ideas and case studies. Still not 100% clear on which ones to do and at which times but I'm sure it's worth a try even if I have to do some guessing. Not sure when to fit these things in, I didn't get all the way to the end of the book yet but so far I don't see any advice about how many times a day or what times of day are best for these things.

I also want to implement an emotional regulation curriculum. I bought a book that was recommended to me with a certain model and lesson plans but again I don't really know how to start implementing it - how to bring it up, when to do it, how to reinforce it at other times. And along the same lines I want to teach mindfulness.

And then there's just general parenting techniques. I have read all the blogs and half the books on how to be a more positive/compassionate/peaceful/supportive/emotional/effective/furry/french/purple parent but in the end I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and especially no idea how to respond to child's meltdowns (and no, validation isn't doing it.) I don't apply even a fraction of what I've read. I don't know why or what's going wrong. Maybe I just have too many different things I'm trying to do, I can't remember it all. And it's not because I'm trying to apply all the techniques at once - we've had these issues for years and I'm reading at a pace of maybe a chapter every couple of months. But I read the chapter and then promptly move on with life and remember it only occasionally. Ugh. Plus, it's hard to figure out/decide which to apply first. For example, Love and Logic step one is give a lot of choices. OK I can give a lot of choices but meanwhile I am making catastrophic mistakes in almost every other interaction. Or, How to Talk/Listen... first chapter is about listening empathetically. So I'm trying to do that a lot but meanwhile I have no tools for dealing with discipline situations or meltdowns.

And on top of it all I don't want to be over-scheduled. The kid needs time to just be. And to play. And to play in the park or with other kids to develop social skills. And to play alone to regain inner space and a break from the pressures of developing social skills.

How is any of this possible?! And no, homeschooling is most definitely not an option. I have a hard enough time keeping up with this kid for the 4 or so hours between school and sleep, plus my income is necessary and outweighs my tuition costs.

Help!