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Is this really how it is for some of you?
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rachel91




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 24 2015, 6:23 am
I was out alone all the time with the neighborhood kids, those were the 90s. Small village in Germany. Don't get me started on how it was back in the Soviet Union, kids grew up playing with the neighborhood kids by themselves, no one had to call before, they kind of just knocked or shouted from downstairs, different times.
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bigsis144




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 24 2015, 7:59 am
I grew up out of town, on a block with no frum people. Thank goodness I had 3 younger sisters to play with. I had friends in school, but yes, all activities had to be planned in advance because I needed transportation. It wasn't quite as bad as the author of the article described, where you have to find a 2-hour window 3 weeks in advance, etc.

My family spent an entire summer in Har Nof when I was 8, and that's my closest experience to being a free-range child. My then-6-year-old sister used to wake up at the crack of dawn every morning and go shnorr sugary cereal off a neighbor in the building 2 floors down (bless them for happily taking in a child at 6am)... we'd walk to the makolet down the block by ourselves and buy popsicles with change we found on the ground... I'm glad I had that experience.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 24 2015, 8:11 am
During my own childhood in the late 60s and 70s, free-range children were the norm. Earlier generations were even more free-range. Chicagoans who were pre-teens in the 40s and 50s recall riding the el all over the city by themselves.

Kids were expected to walk to and from school at early ages, too. I shudder to recall the path I walked to kindergarten by myself -- walking along a very busy street and crossing multiple busy intersections.

By the time my kids came along in the mid-90s, it wasn't quite the free-range experience of my youth, but it wasn't the picture painted by the author, either. Groups of kids wandered amongst all their houses on Shabbos and summer evenings.

I see both sides of it: I'm not necessarily a fan of the Israeli system for various reasons, but I also agree that helicopter parenting (and the self-righteousness that seems to accompany it) is actually pretty harmful.

Like everything else, the middle road is best. Unfortunately, it's hard to raise your metaphorical lance in the air and shout, "On to the middle!"
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 24 2015, 8:24 am
I live in a nieghborhood in lakewood with this problem. the houses are spread apart. and we dont see each other only if we make an attempt to. we have big backyards and front yards and the property is pretty spread apart. so it was hard in the begining. bh I have such nice neighbors and more is coming so I assume it will be like what others are speaking of in the near future. I love it that way. its so good for the kids. but yes, I do need to call up mothers before I wnat to bring my kids to them. its just the way it is now. its getting better though.
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 24 2015, 8:37 am
Yep, I relate to this. I thought that when we finally got out into housing, kids would just go hang out with bikes and with balls with minimal supervision. There are plenty of kids nearby to have a basketball game going on, but this family has 3 kids that must be in bed by 7PM and they don't step outside after they get home around 4:30PM. Another family believes their child must be continually supervised and the teenage kids don't seem to want to get her outside. And if anyone she interacts with is the slightest bit uncivilized, well, that isn't happening. Then there is two other families a stone's throw way. One books their kids schedules up. The other doesn't, but I think the furthest the kids have ever walked themselves is to our home 2 doors away.

It is ridiculous. Kids are not getting enough exercise, are very dependent on parents, those who don't engage in this helicoptering are definitely viewed with suspicion, nearly every family I know has a kid who struggles socially. I don't think every parent has bought into the helicoptering, but it has been foisted upon a lot of us.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:00 am
Depending on who you ask, I'm either very lax or very strict. My 7 year old doesn't cross the street by himself yet (we set a goal of 8 for some small, local streets which will give him access to 6 friends within a few blocks). Contrast that to me walking a mile to my best friend's house at 6 with no issues. Slightly different area (suburbia vs a more rural area) and different times. Kids in my neighborhood start walking alone at 11 at the young age.

My 6 and 7 year old are allowed to play in our yard unsupervised, but they have an 8 year old friend who isn't. I think that's a little helicoptery, but they acknowledge that :-) My kids can't leave without asking me if they can go somewhere. We do call for playdates for availability and if not, they have siblings. Or parents to play with - we enjoy playing with them too!
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:09 am
but its a crazy world. I dont wonder why were are this way. I dont remember molestation being so on the rise as it is today. of course it was around but I dont think it was so feared as today. I sound confused and I am. bec children dont understand fully what we mean stranger sometimes. like for instance my ds is 7. hes the most friendly kid. I could see if he was home alone and someone came to the door and asked for a drink he would go and give it. no problem opening the door. and do you know how many times I have said and explained this stranger problem? enough he should understand. and then my daughter she is too young but definitely she will be the one to be afraid of strangers no matter what. its her nature. there was a clip of kid that was taught all of this. and was tested to see how he would react and low and behold he opened the door to the stranger. some kids get it and some dont no matter what you say or do. that why I think you need to know your kid. aside from remembering that hashem watches over us. and to pray a lot.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 24 2015, 11:17 am
I'm surprised so many people here had a "free range" childhood. I grew up in the 80s/early 90s and there was definitely no "everyone plays together outside" dynamic. We could play in a specific person's backyard, but not wander around.

Except for at camp, which was a big part of what made camp so awesome.

I don't let my kids play outside alone much. But we're in a city, so there are more potential issues (sidewalk isn't always passable, so you sometimes have to go into the (busy-ish) road, some people let their dogs wander around outside, occasional very drunk people wandering around (even at 10 am), known pedophiles in the area, etc). And there are other parents who let their kids play alone outside despite the kids being total hooligans (for lack of a better word that I wouldn't feel bad using to describe a child).

I'd let kids play outside in a group without adult supervision from age 9 or 10, maybe.

It's still nothing like in the article. The kids all play together at the playground with a parent supervising, or go home with friends from school on the bus and get picked up by a parent, etc. My kids have friends whose parents I barely know.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 24 2015, 7:00 pm
I think this all really depends on your neighborhood and community. Raising a child rurally play dates worked, but they were usually saved for weekends. When my children were little (3 or so) they did not go to nursery schools or gans. Play dates were vehicles for socializing children and an opportunity for a stay at home parent to get out of the house and have some social interaction with other adults. Parents choose what works best for them or their kids.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Thu, Sep 24 2015, 7:33 pm
ora_43 wrote:
I'm surprised so many people here had a "free range" childhood. I grew up in the 80s/early 90s and there was definitely no "everyone plays together outside" dynamic. We could play in a specific person's backyard, but not wander around.

Except for at camp, which was a big part of what made camp so awesome.

I don't let my kids play outside alone much. But we're in a city, so there are more potential issues (sidewalk isn't always passable, so you sometimes have to go into the (busy-ish) road, some people let their dogs wander around outside, occasional very drunk people wandering around (even at 10 am), known pedophiles in the area, etc). And there are other parents who let their kids play alone outside despite the kids being total hooligans (for lack of a better word that I wouldn't feel bad using to describe a child).

I'd let kids play outside in a group without adult supervision from age 9 or 10, maybe.

It's still nothing like in the article. The kids all play together at the playground with a parent supervising, or go home with friends from school on the bus and get picked up by a parent, etc. My kids have friends whose parents I barely know.


Same here. Growing up in the 80s/early 90s I could go to a specific neighbor after letting my parents know. But we could never just roam.

B"H things are pretty much the same now. Kids go and knock on a neighbors door and ask if they can play. Play dates are just for kids who live further away, and mommies only stay to socialize if they want to.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2015, 7:30 am
We have neither. Kids see friends in schools. Very few parents take them out at the park after school, a bit more during the week end. Playdates are really rare. More family time. Depending on age and circles kids may be out alone. I don't let so much. In first grade already dd was jealous of "girls with their keys" (coming and going outside alone).
I'm all for some free range but realities of life get in the way.
Also you don't stay on a playdate lol that would be so boring.
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Tablepoetry




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 26 2015, 12:17 pm
I will add that the 'gang' of kids that come and go here don't usually play outside. It's usually too hot for that (I certainly don't want them in the sun) or it's after sunset and I won't allow younger kids out then.

The kids around here mainly roam from house to house.

And I didn't let my kids cross any road at five. I would say around 7 they started with the smaller one-way streets once in a while; at 8-9 I let them cross them more freely, go to friends, etc. But the main streets with intersections...only a couple of years later.
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SacN




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 26 2015, 12:56 pm
Another israeli here--I'm a helicopter parent by the standards of my neighborhood.

My nearly four year old daughter has friends that walk themselves to gan or are walked by their siblings, only a year or two older. Shes already telling me about how when shes in kitah alef, she'll be able to walk by herself. We'll see... I happen to live down the street, so maybe. I could even watch her from the window.

But they will go shopping for their mothers from first grade, are home alone for the whole afternoon from first grade when tzaharon ends (because now they are old enough...), etc. Buy artikim for breakfast, lunch and afternoon snack by themselves...
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Sat, Sep 26 2015, 6:04 pm
I think we should all think twice before judging a helicopter parent. There are a lot of issues on the rise in our communities, and a normal response would be to be more vigilant with one's children (who they're around, what's going on, time accountability, etc).
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 26 2015, 11:39 pm
We do play dates, but not like the article suggests is normal.

Children around here get home too late for after school play dates. DD gets home around 4:30, and by the time she washes up, has a snack, and does her homework, there's not much free time left before dinner and bed.

We do play dates mostly on shabbos afternoons. At the moment I arrange them with other mothers in consultation with DD. DH usually drops her off and picks her up or we take turns staying awake to loosely supervise if the play date is at our house. There is no need for parents to hang out unless they want to.

Sundays are usually for errands and family, not play dates. We sometimes do play dates when DD is off from school if we have no other plans. That's when she tends to get together with friends from other neighborhoods who are not within walking distance.
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