Holidays feel meaningless to me - and gluttonous

sourstix

Fri, Oct 02 2015, 3:31 pm

thank you dolly. when I read the subject I thought this must be someone whos either bt or geiores. its so obvious. not saying its not hard on me as a ffb. but I think what you need is study more. and you need to inspire yourself. noone will do it for you. what made you bt to begin with? that should help you reinspire. you need to reach out to partners in torah. you need to read and learn. there are so many books to inspire!!! so many beautiful stories. yiddishkeit is full of them. as chazal say you either go up or down you dont stay still. so give yourself a lift and go up!

Bitachon101

Fri, Oct 02 2015, 3:42 pm

Hi OP.
If it feels meaningless try thinking what would make it more meaningful for you personally.
What draws you and uplifts you?
If its not shiurim as many are suggesting try a different channel.
So far I had a beautiful yom tov this year.
And mostly because we started having a lot more singing in the sukkah! That's what does it for me.
We just sat there for hours and hours long after the food was gone and the men sang away and it was the most beautiful sukkos I've had in years.
(Usually its just a few songs and done.)
The food was good but at first it was too much heavy food. I'm a guest right now but I chipped in and made 4 salads at our last meal so that we could balance it out.
I also personally chose to work on portion control at each meal and refused dessert and I couldn't have been happier!
Of course there's the ritual stuff but I found it easier to go through the motions and think once I was already uplifted from all the singing.
Also I don't know where you live but going to shul for at least birchas kohanim helps me.
I have little kids so can't go for longer but it really helps me to feel yom tov more from the drop of shul I get on yom tov.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Think about what 'gets' you and go for it.
Don't worry about what anyone else will think.
If its dancing with the kids or wearing something that makes you feel special... Go find what way serving Hashem speaks to you.

EnnuiGalore

Fri, Oct 02 2015, 4:42 pm

Bitachon101 wrote:

Thanks everyone. Nice women like you keep me going. Smile

-OP

zaq

Fri, Oct 02 2015, 4:59 pm

sourstix wrote:

when I read the subject I thought this must be someone whos either bt or geiores. its so obvious.

The OP happens to be a BT who is bored or disillusioned. Yes, this happens, and often enough a bored or disillusioned "frum by choice" goes back OTD. Think Matisyahu. Think Robert Zimmerman, aka Bob Dylan, who was chassidish for about 5 minutes 30 years ago. But IME the ranks of the jaded and bored with all the traditional trappings of Jewish observance are heavily FFB, while it's the gerim and BT's who are starry-eyed and enthusiastic. Think Uri Zohar. Make that Rav Uri Zohar.

mille

Fri, Oct 02 2015, 5:35 pm

sourstix wrote:

This is very condescending. There are plenty of FFB folks who would agree with OP. This has nothing to do with being a convert or BT or FFB or anything else.

Petra

Fri, Oct 02 2015, 6:20 pm

OP- I think many people have feelings like you. I vacillate. A rabbi once told me to learn to look for G-d. Learn to see the joyful moment even if it is minute and lasts only a second. And then you will be thankful for it. It's not realistic to to be "high" on rote religion. Most of life is routine or we get in a rut. So we have to savor the moments we can find that bring a little glimpse of Heaven. I agree, the waste and expense of fancy meals is too much. We stay simple because I don't have time to cook big lavish meals. The aluminum pans and throw away dinnerware, utensils many people use; it's not necessary. Learning is nice but I am sick of that answer when someone expresses their dissatisfaction with status quo. Sometimes one has to reset expectations.

Isramom8

Sat, Oct 03 2015, 3:36 pm

After Rosh Hashanah, pre and post Yom Kippur, most of Sukkos and all the Shabbosos in between, who isn't burned out by now?

Holiday burnout doesn't discriminate. It affects FFBs, BTs, Geirim, Chareidim, MO and everyone else too.

This is normal, and it's a tradition. My mother passed it down to me; I have fond memories of my father accepting her kvetches with equanimity. It's okay to feel this way. This is what we do.

And the excess food probably serves to bulk us up for a hard winter; too bad that in 5776 most of us are quite bulky enough without these lavish meals. But I'm sure the idea is generally well intentioned.

DrMom

Sat, Oct 03 2015, 3:54 pm

For good and for bad -- Baruch Hashem -- most of us are living in times/societies where food is plentiful all year 'round, so holiday feasts become gluttonous excesses whereas they were once rare days of luxury and plenty amid a year of leanness and scrimping.

So what can we do? Make healthier, lighter meals, cut out courses, etc. Oh, and make aliyah so you don't have so many multiple-day yomtovs in a row. Smile

PinkFridge

Sun, Oct 04 2015, 8:38 am

wrote:

thank you dolly. when I read the subject I thought this must be someone whos either bt or geiores.

Maybe, but I could see someone ffb or ffy (frum for years so why is this is coming up now?) having their moments and identifying.

ETA: oops, see Zaq and Mille got there first.

chani8

Sun, Oct 04 2015, 9:26 am

If you are bored, likely it's because you are not doing anything fun for yourself on the holidays. What do you do to make these times fun *for you*? This is the day I focus on and enjoy my kids and let all the cats run around the house and try to take a long walk with the dog.

Perhaps you are doing too much. The menu I plan forces everyone to make the YT food together. Individual pizzas, for example. Burritos or tacos. BBQs.

Perhaps you are having too much fun during the week with distractions like being online, that the holidays are more like a withdrawal. That's what my teens seem to be experiencing. I started to fall into this and remind myself that even if I could put a TV on a timer, I wouldn't want that lowliness in my life, at least one day of the week. If I do nothing holy, at least I'm not seeing the opposite.