Judy | Imamother

amother

Green

Fri, Oct 02 2015, 9:02 am

I have written and deleted this post many times. Perhaps it is a muse and the unloading will make me feel better, or maybe I will actually get some chizzuk.

Did anyone else read recent the Calligraphy supplement and identify with the story about the mother who cares for "Judy?" I would love to hear your thoughts, as this was one that really struck a chord here.

I come from a large family, bH. While I was never especially close with my mom, I know that she did the very best she could to give everything possible to us and raise us to the best of her ability. Now that I am older (30) with my own busy family I am blessed to still live near her, yet instead of us being close and her being involved with my family she always seems to have "Judy's" in her life that she is busy with. Am I resentful? I don't know... I feel like she is entitled to fill that void in her life, if this is what makes her feel good about herself. Just because we live near each other, does that mean she should be involved and help me? I so wish it was so...

I had a late miscarriage too (similar to the story) yet instead of my mother dropping her Judy's, she merely had a short phone conversation and moved on with life. No chocolates, cards, reading material, and certainly no help with my other kids. I felt so sad when I read that part of the story. I wish I had someone in my life who would be there for me like that.

Don't get me wrong, my mother is a kind, sensitive, really special woman. She has overcome many hardships in life and has so much to give. But I just never seem to be the one who she really focuses any energy on. She has months of giving planned out for other people- kiruv families, volunteer work for local organizations and institutions, other family members whom she helps out here and there.

Luckily, I have the most special sisters who are there for me and we really are able to help each other emotionally. But we don't live close at all, so I can never really count on them for an extra hand.

The irony is that I thought this story was so over the top and crazy when I read it at first, and then it slowly dawned on me that my mother is exactly like that! I have been grappling with this for years subconsciously and have never really been able to put my finger on what this issue is that really gets to me. The story was so helpful for me, as I was able to start organizing some thoughts that were always just an upsetting little muddle at the back of my mind. And now I feel a little better, but would love to hear if anyone else has had similar experiences, and how you've overcome them...