Older kids interfering with chinuch of younger ones

Helani

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 5:50 am

Just letting off some steam.
This morning my 5 year old was in a bad mood and not cooperating while getting dressed. I asked her what kind of hairstyle she would like (several times) and she just wouldn't answer. I made her a pony and went down to deal with the other kids.
She came down and threw a tantrum that she wants two braids. I told her that it's not happening, because she missed her chance to choose when I was getting her dressed.
Half hour of screaming later when we were almost ready to get in the car, I discover that 12 year old is making her braids!!!! Lesson not learned. Sad

tweety1

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 5:56 am

My mil has that all the time with her kids. I've seen plenty of times where she takes the older sibling aside and let's her know in a nice way "mind your own business".
I've this this same scenerio with my 2 girls; I let it fly. I ignore it. The kid finally calmed down-youre not interested in another tantrum

amother

Ecru

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 6:02 am

Wait till they are a little older and don't like your raising style and they feel the need to intervene to save their younger sibling from being babied and spoiled.

Why when I was two I cleaned up the whole house why isn't a five year old doing it yet?

You didn't let us do XYZ why are the younger siblings allowed?

You let them do that, no they can't!

Helani

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 6:17 am

tweety1 wrote:

The problem with letting it go is that it will lead to another tantrum. My 2 year old went from averaging 8 tantrums a day to one or two when her sister left to sleep away camp. And I did let my 12 year old know before hand not to give in, she just chose to ingnore me (which is a whole different topic).

Chayalle

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 6:23 am

Your 5 year old did learn that YOU will not make her braids if she did not choose a the appropriate time.

It seems, though, that your issues are more with your 12 year old. That is something to address. I sometimes tell my teens (gently) that they had only one mother when they were little; and so does my 7 year old, right now.

If your relationship with your tween is what it needs to be, then (to a great extent) you will be respected. So it seems that that should be your focus, more than what lesson your 5 year old did or didn't learn.

Jeanette

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 6:52 am

I was one of those obnoxious teens always correcting my mother's parenting so I can't complain when my kids do it to me. At least I have a sense of humor about it though...

tichellady

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 7:51 am

I agree with chayalle here. Your daughter learned what you will not do and she also realized that she has a sister who is not her mom ( and thus not your partner in parenting). Big sisters shouldn't be as strict as mom.

Merrymom

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 8:26 am

I don't understand the problem at all. I think your 5 year old did learn her lesson, Mommy doesn't give second chances. Why is it a problem if the 12 year old has the time to help out her little sister and chooses to? I don't see how that's undermining you.

Volunteer

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 9:53 am

The fact that dd 5 had to wait, then figure out another way to get what she wanted must have sent the message you intended. Take the opportunity now or you're on your own.

sourstix

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 10:16 am

wow I would be mad. but thats me. 12 yr olds are teens. I wouldnt know what to tell them. I dont know if shes going to listen to what you tell her at this point. shes at a point where shes gonna do what she wants anyway. thats my experience. but you can tell her nicely it wasnt nice to intervene. if she wanted to offer making her braids she should have asked you first. its not respectful to do it behind your back. just say it and see if she says anything. if she argues then you dont argue back. but know that what you said about how you feel was heard.

bandcm

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 3:55 pm

I actually think it's beautiful that the little one has so many people to love her and take care of her. I don't see anything wrong with this story. You didn't give in - that's fine. Does that mean the five year old can't ask someone else to help her?

animeme

Tue, Oct 13 2015, 4:00 pm

I think it very much matters whether you said, "now you can't have the braids" or "now I can't make you braids". With the first, I would explain title the 12 year old, who inevitably doesn't want to enable more bratty behavior from her sister.

If it's the second, your younger dd was resourceful and solved her problem, because nobody told her she couldn't have them- only that she had forfeited your help.