How do you get out of lashon hara conversations

amother

Emerald

Thu, Oct 15 2015, 9:57 am

I have a good friend that likes to gossip. How can I get out of these conversations? I try changing the subject. I try not to sound interested. I don't know if I should say something about it, I don't want her to feel bad.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Oct 15 2015, 10:00 am

"I'd really rather not talk about that."

DH loves to talk about other people, and I tell him that if he's so curious, he should ask them himself. That always makes him stop.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Oct 15 2015, 10:03 am

How good friends are you?
If just acquaintances, then I would just stop hanging out with her.
If really good, then I will tell her in the most respectable and kindest way that you are not interested in hearing lashon Hara.
Be careful what you tell her, because chances are she talks about you to others.

amother

Yellow

Thu, Oct 15 2015, 10:15 am

I find that with those friends, the gossip starts to kick in when we've exhausted talking about ourselves and what's going on in our own lives....so maybe it means getting off the phone sooner.

I find that when people gossip, there sometimes is this sick excitement about someone's else misfortune ("did you hear, she wasn't invited to the wedding!?"....."I saw so-and-so recently, she seriously gained like 100 pounds..."). So what I'll do is, instead of joining in the "Schadenfreude" (definition: pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune), I'll find the compassionate part of myself that can relate to the person she is talking about and I'll say something like, "wow that musta been so hurtful for her to be left out..." or, in response to someone's weight gain, "she is an awesome person, who cares about her weight.."

At a certain point, my lack of joining in the gossip makes the gossiping less fun for the gossiper.