"tuition crisis" and "struggling" financially

chaiz

Mon, Oct 26 2015, 2:31 pm

Fox wrote:

As my DH likes to say, "You can spend your own money on whatever you like. Just as soon as you have your own money."

If we honestly believe that Hashem provides for us, we don't have our "own" money.

Then it is not our own food or clothes or possessions. But according to Torah we do own items and possessions and money that we make is ours. What bothers me about your attitude is in addition to coming across as romanticizing poverty, you seem to be bothered that there are those who are privileged with money and they dare use that privilege. That is what comes across, not saying you actually think this way. But according to Torah, there will be haves and have nots in a variety of categories and the haves are not evil for being haves and they are allowed to enjoy it.

Fox

Mon, Oct 26 2015, 4:04 pm

chaiz wrote:

I'm not really sure where you're getting the idea that I either romanticize poverty or am bothered by wealth.

Nor does the existence of haves and have-nots have any real relevance.

"Romanticize" and "bothered" suggest emotional responses, and this is not really about emotions.

Poverty is bad. We know, for example, that poverty makes people unhappy. Therefore it would be logical that wealth makes people happy.

But it doesn't work like that. Rather, there is a threshold of prosperity above which people are statistically no happier.

We certainly "own" things is a legal, bein adam l'chavero sense. But we rely on Hashem for sustenance, and behaving inappropriately with that sustenance is forbidden.

For example, we learn not only not to waste food, but also to carefully dispose of scraps of food in a kovodik manner.

To continue the food analogy, can I eat anything and everything I want and defend the practice by saying, "Well, Hashem wants me to have food!"?

No. Hashem puts limits on what we may eat -- not only in terms of kashrus, but in terms of choices and amounts. Being a glutton is not a mitzvah!

Pointing out that we shouldn't be gluttons doesn't mean advocating starvation -- or even a diet of gruel.

So why is it controversial to point out that we are equally obligated to treat other forms of sustenance (e.g., money) the same way?

More to the point, isn't it an obvious goal to work on our sensitivity to the ways in which Hashem sustains us -- and the ways we treat His sustenance?

Why would I carefully wrap up challah crumbs before discarding them yet buy a leather couch without thinking . . . simply because I could?

It's not about the choice you make -- it's that you gave two seconds' thought to the choice and asked yourself, "Does this honor Hashem and His Torah?" or am I making this choice mindlessly?

saraleah2010

Thu, Oct 29 2015, 9:51 am

I have thought about this topic all week. I live in a community where there is definitely a lot of "have nots" as well as a solid number of haves. I'm so grateful for our financial assistance committee. I do my paperwork, send it in, and they send me a letter with my share of tuition. I tell them income and assets, and they decide how much I pay the school.

After that, it's nobody's business how I spend what is left, right?

So full tuition would take all of my family's income, leaving nothing to live on. Not a dime. After tuition breaks, DH and I pay the bills, and then with what's left... YES, we improve our house as best we can. This year, an appliance broke, so we hand-washed for two months, ate beans and rice for two months to save up, then bought a new appliance. If you don't know the inside story, it looks like "oh wow, THAT'S NICE, on scholarship but you are buying new appliances?"

YES, we try to get in a vacation (even a drive to visit family--we pay gas and food, but it's a vacation! But my kids don't go to camp, not day camp or sleepaway, not one session). But if you don't know the inside story, it looks like, "oh wow, THAT'S NICE, on scholarship but you went on vacation this summer?" Yes, for $50 in gas money, to stay by my family (and NOT in a bungalow, but in their regular home).

Some people do try to compare and say "so and so has this and that..." But I KNOW our scholarship committee tries to leave everyone with a respectable amount of money to make choices, so that nobody is living on the edge. However, we do have to make the choices between eating meat for two months or buying a new appliance... Buying baseball tickets or having gas money for a driving vacation... Sending the kids to a session of camp or putting braces on... Nobody has endless money, and sometimes it does seem impossible to meet all the bills. I daven a lot for the insight to prioritize and still provide a healthy home and pay the bills!