Do you feel like you're not pretty until someone tells you?

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Forum -> Fashion and Beauty

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amother

Plum

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 10:18 am

You could dial yourself up and look in the mirror and think you look amazing, but when no one tells you so, you start to have doubts. Anyone else feel like that or similar?

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 10:19 am

Yup. Unfortunately I definitely base how I feel about myself on other people's reactions. I hope one day I won't have to do that.

vicki

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 10:33 am

I'm pretty aware of how I look, getting older, some good features, some worse features, and I'm OK with that ... BUT
When I receive a compliment on my looks I feel good.

syrima

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 10:44 am

NO I really have more important things to think about.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 10:58 am

Don't fell pretty either way.
I aim for presentable.

amazingmommy

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 11:18 am

I totally get u op,
What I try to do and what I wanna do, in every area- is to tell myself that I'm pretty and in all other areas tell myself how precious I am and tell myself what a success I am.

amother

Amber

Mon, May 07 2018, 2:25 pm

I realize that this post began a long time ago. But I thought it was worth bringing it up again.
I know I am not beautiful, and many times I feel quite self conscious about how I look when I attend a meeting or a simcha. It really makes me feel good when someone compliments how I look or what I'm wearing. But being that I know I am not especially good looking, I always feel like they are complimenting me just to make me feel good but not really meaning what they're saying. Anyone else feel this way?

naturalmom5

Mon, May 07 2018, 4:30 pm

torontogirl

Thu, May 10 2018, 3:31 am

I was pretty unattractive growing up through my younger years and early teen years. I was super skinny and gangly, wore glasses and had braces. In my late teens and early 20s I bloomed quite a bit. I know I am not ugly but because I was growing up and was teased in school, I have a low self esteem. It's unfortunate and I don't like it, but I wish I didn't crave validation about my looks. Luckily my husband tells me how beautiful he thinks I am a lot which really helps me.

amother

Papaya

Thu, May 10 2018, 6:42 am

Sometimes I feel prettier than others - but the day my daughter told me I'm beautiful I burst into tears - in public embarrassed

giselle

Thu, May 10 2018, 9:15 am

I feel pretty even if others don’t comment, but if I’m not feeling pretty at a particular moment and someone compliments me, that def helps!

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, May 10 2018, 9:20 am

No. I KNOW I am not pretty even if they tell me I am to be sweet.

As a kid, it bothered me. My mom is beautiful, but I look like my dad.

It's almost a non-issue for me now. Looks aren't everything. Like another poster mentioned, I make sure to be presentable. I will never be beautiful. So what?

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, May 10 2018, 9:43 am

I think our children model us, how we behave, not what we say.

If I tell my dd that she is beautiful, but I disparage my own looks, or even if I just subtly convey that I don't think I'm attractive, it's more likely that she will internalize the same negative feelings about herself, while disregarding my compliments.

amother

Azure

Thu, May 10 2018, 11:01 am

As a child I was super confident- because my mother constantly told me how beautiful I was. I am okay looking- far from beautiful maybe just very cute and looking back at my childhood pics I was always nice and pleasant looking but far from beautiful....

Maybe my mother meant that my insides were beautiful, maybe she truly thought I was beautiful because I was her child, maybe she just wanted me to be a confident child- I'll never know. But the effect that it had on my childhood, and now my life in the big world is truly profound.

And yes I compliment my girls the same way (my teenager doesn't like to hear it often so I save it for the times I feel like she needs it). And yes I mean it! Their inner beauty and outer beauty shines together like a diamond.

Back to ops question, I know myself well enough that when I like the way I look and feel good when I look in the mirror, I don't need anyone to to compliment me- I feel confident, happy and beautiful (though I'm really average looking). For me, the feeling has to come within myself. On those days I feel dumpy, I really feel dumpy and no ones compliment can change that.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, May 10 2018, 12:22 pm

amother wrote:

I'm curious what your mother's self image was?

My mother also always told me I'm beautiful, and I believe very sincerely. But she was not confident about herself, and when anyone complimented her, she would always reject the compliment, argue or disagree with it. I think I internalized her own self-view and I need to focus on giving myself better messages, so that I will be a good role model hopefully for my kids. Sure I tell them that they're gorgeous --I say, Hashem made you beautiful--but I'm concerned if I don't model self-confidence, they'll disregard the spoken message.

amother

Azure

Thu, May 10 2018, 2:35 pm

amother wrote:

My mother ALWAYS accepted a compliment with a gracious smile. I never heard her complaining about her looks growing up. In fact, she has very heavy legs which can really make a woman feel less than beautiful but I never even thought about it until later on in life and couldn't (and still can't) help thinking how she was always so happy and confident especially at simchas or dress-up occasions where she was really on display. And I don't mean she was overly confident in a snotty kind of way. Just kind, gracious, happy. Those are my memories of her growing up. She had zero body image issues that I knew of. And if it bothered her she definitely fooled me.

As she's aging I hear small bits of complaints about her body image but mostly because she has related health issues not because she's embarrassed about the way she looks.

amother

Maroon

Thu, May 10 2018, 3:29 pm

Noone ever mentioned but when I grew tall enough to reach our bathroom mirror I looked into it and was floored! I was looking at the most beautiful sight to behold! I was like "oh my! I'm gorgeous"!!!
If you love the food you made but noone else does will you begin to doubt yourself? It's important to be told you are beautiful as I believe in every jewish person there is beauty- you just need to see yourself that way.

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, May 10 2018, 4:12 pm

I feel like how I feel about myself is internally. I didn't grow up being told I was pretty but felt like I was though not gorgeous which I was perfectly content with.

I was hurt when I at graduation pictures I asked a friend how I looked and she said something like "you look the prettiest I've ever seen you" it felt like such a backhanded compliment. I still remember that when I got married a number of years later it really mattered to be that I would look very pretty. She didn't even come to my wedding but still...

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