Exhaustion=Depression=How to avoid

amother

Emerald

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 8:34 am

I'm due with my forth any day now. I worry about the lack of sleep above all. Both me and DH are the kind of people that NEED sleep. With previous babies I was awake with the NB mostly and at some point DH started taking over/helping more. But with my last I fell into depression from the exhaustion (not sure if to call it PPD) and DH had to take over and I stopped breast feeding. Ever since then it's as if my body is traumatized and when I'm over over over tired I turn insane- really. I lose it.
And now we are going to have another new born- we are so excited but also very very worried.
A night nurse is not an option- we don't have the money. IF we see that we literally can't manage we will have to get one but honestly I don't see where we would get the money from.
Is there anything I can do to make baby sleep better? Of course I won't be able to sleep train for the first few months- I'm not talking about letting the baby cry (!) but I've heard there are some books and classes that teach you ways to not spoil your new born so that they learn to sleep- can anyone tell me about it?I don't exaclty have the time to buy and read... I'm naturally the type to let a NB have whatever they want whenver they want,,I mean he was just born but this time I'm worried I will lose it again, fall into depression again...And I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 8:45 am

You have to use a watch and time between feeds. You need a baby monitor so baby can sleep safely on his tummy in his crib. And you need to not have baby in your room at night so that you can sleep without being woke up. You can set your timer to wake your DH up to bring you the baby every four hours. From what I've seen of babies raised in orphanages, who adapted to three feeds a day, sadly so, it's clear to me that one can set a baby up on any schedule that works for you and he will adapt.

pesek zman

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 8:55 am

I'll share my experience, but before I get flamed: yes, breast is best (for baby) yadda yadda.

I formula fed from the start. Full disclosure: I never wanted to nurse my baby. For years even before I had one, it wasn't something that appealed to me or that I could imagine doing. For numerous reasons INCLUDING the fact that with formula both parents can not only share in the bonding of feeding a baby, but both can get up at all hours to feed. That, and the on-demand nature of breastfeeding (especially in early stages) made me concerned that I'd be a shut-in and wouldn't have or receive the social interaction that I need in order to feel good, and I worried about PPD

Formula feeding (as above) allowed me to send baby to nursery both nights we were in the hospital so I could get much needed rest before heading home (where I didn't have a baby nurse. It was just my husband and I all day and night) I felt rested by the time I came home. Big leg up.

Formula feeding was every 2-3 hours for my babe (as a newborn) That allowed my husband and I to take turns feeding so that we would each have a long stretch. For example, I would feed baby at 10pm and then go to sleep; He would go to sleep earlier (as early as possible) and then get the 1am feed (while I would then get the 4am feed) So that I got a stretch of sleep from 10:30-4am, and he got a stretch from 9pm-1am. And so on. We discussed in the evening who would do which so as to maximize our sleep. In middle of the night we used the ready-to-feed 2 oz bottles (hospital sent us home with tons) so all we had to do was screw a nipple on and we were good to go. No changing urine diapers in middle of the nights. Nightime feeds were always in a dark, quiet room. As little stimulation and interaction with baby as possible (cuddles, of course, singing of course, but not playing) My baby was able to do a 6-7 hour stretch of sleep by 6 weeks and by 2 months she was doing 12 hours. I may have gotten lucky, but I also worked hard to 'sleep train' from birth. We didn't swaddle or use pacis either.

Anyway, my newborn experience was light years better than that of my (breastfeeding) friends. Yes, breast is best for baby but I know it wouldn't have been the best fit from me and my family and so it wasn't the best choice for us. Haven't looked back. Formula takes longer to digest and fills baby for longer. It allowed us to get out of the house (she and I have gone to shul every single shabbos since birth, starting at 6 days for her kiddush) and receive visitors (none of that awkward, Mom's feeding in the other room, but thanks for coming) And yes, my husband and I both got decent sleep which is good for our health and our shalom bayis

Best of luck with your baby and whatever choices you make.

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 9:06 am

What do your other children need from you during the day? If they are older (in school all day) you can try to sleep when the baby sleeps, both at night and during the day. I realize this won't work if they are toddlers/preschoolers who need supervision.

amother

Emerald

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 9:42 am

My older ones are all young and are home by 1:30 pm daily. Im also not the type that knows how to sleep whenever I want to- it takes me forever to fall asleep and by then baby wakes up for another feed Sad

amother

Emerald

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 9:49 am

pesek zman wrote:

This is interesting. I've actually given up BF because of the lack of sleep with my last and Im wondering what to do this time. Some people tell me that BF babies sleep better and others tell me that not. With one of my kids bottles were terrible because of his sensitive stomach which meant way less sleep once I stopped BF. Which is why I'm not sure yet what to do about this.

I do love the idea of switching with DH- I don't mind alternating BF and bottles and this way maybe we both can get some sort of a stretch of sleep. THANKS!

"No changing urine diapers in middle of the nights. Nightime feeds were always in a dark, quiet room. As little stimulation and interaction with baby as possible (cuddles, of course, singing of course, but not playing)"- That's exactly what we have done with all our kids. None of them slep well ever. They are very very light sleeprs and I think it's also MY issue that I wake up from every peep I hear and can't let them cry Sad

Which is also an answer to the first amother that responded. Doesnt matter how far from me they sleep I just cant not wake up from them.

I do find swaddling and pacis to be helpful-were you nervous baby wouldnt be able sleep without them later on?

GetReal

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 9:50 am

Have you tried cosleeping?

amother

Emerald

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 9:57 am

GetReal wrote:

Have you tried cosleeping?

I tried with two of my kids. Everyone tells me how wonderful it is, which totally makes sense to me but somehow I could never fall asleep with my babies around- I'm always worried that they would fall or I would roll over them or DH would or...I still can't sleep when my youngest falls asleep next to me even though he really isnt a baby anymore!
I So wish I could co sleep but this time I'm not even going to try.

pesek zman

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 10:00 am

amother wrote:

Re: pacis. Not my thing. Sort of don't believe in them. I know people swear by them but I think it's like a drug and that my English husband calls them 'dummies' for a reason. Swaddles: my baby kicked out of them so we stopped and she was fine. Each her own

It's possible that your babies 'inherit' being light sleepers from you. May not be much you can. Do other than remind yourself that newborn stage will pass Sad

sorry!!!

amother

Emerald

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 10:24 am

pesek zman wrote:

sorry!!!

I guess that might be but I hope not because I still want to be alive and well when the NB stage has passed Sad

BTW my DH's mother is English and calls pacifiers "dummies" as well Smile

Thanks!

mha3484

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 11:03 am

I nursed all of my children on demand. My oldest we were in a one bedroom apartment and I was just generally clueless so he developed really bad sleep habits that only true CIO solved when he was a little over one. He is bli ayin hara an excellent sleeper as a 5 year old but whoah that was not a fun year.

With my baby now who just turned one, I started from a month or two old with a general bed time, nursing only in a dark quiet room, starting the night in his own bassinet/crib etc even if he ended up with me later, first our room and than with his brother. He gradually has slept longer stretches. A regular night would be nurse before I went to bed around 10 another time usually around 2 and than when I woke for the day. I dont see how this would not work with formula bottles or pumped mik as well. Its about teaching day from night as early as you can. I find also that getting myself in bed an extra hour early makes a big difference as I have difficulty sleeping when the baby sleeps.

HonesttoGod

Tue, Nov 10 2015, 3:09 pm

I largely agree with pesek zman.
I started BF with one of my kids and after 4 months (and feeling the onset of severe exhaustion and depression) I switched to formula. I loved it.
Even with BF, from day 1 I pumped whenever I could and used bottles at night so that I could get a chance to sleep and dh could do the mid night feed.

Don't feel guilty to sleep. The other kids can have pasta and cereal and watch movies for all its worth but if you need sleep - sleep.

Perhaps if anyone asks what you would like for a gift, ask for money towards a nurse. Don't get her the first week maybe for week 2 or 3 when things are getting into sync and you start feeling the exhaustion.

Take care of yourself! If you feel weak, tired, nauseous, depressed, overwhelmed, call for help. Call your dr or your neighbor or anyone.
If you are in the Brooklyn area you can call me - seriously do everything you can to care for yourself. Good luck! Bsha tova!

amother

Emerald

Wed, Nov 11 2015, 3:53 am

Thanks fr the replies. It gives me hope that things CAN be ok.
Honesttogod- the problem is that I don't have who to call. I mean I can kvetch to my friends but they all live pretty far from me and lead busy lives with their own children and can't really help. I don't have family that can help easily. Maybe here or there but not more. Which is why I think that if I get my night sleep I can manage with the rest of kids throughout the day but if I don't get some sleep at night then I really don't know how I will do it...I discussed having shifts with DH and we agreed it makes sense. I hope everything works out.

elisheva25

Wed, Nov 11 2015, 9:41 am

If you think you wills age your kids fine, and the only real issue is sleep @ night.....maybe hire a baby nurse even very temporarily to adjust. If you are nursing, you will still nurse, but the many will take care of everything else. also maybe for one feeding I night you can have her five formula , and than ull have strenght to function. It's costly. But temporarily.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Nov 11 2015, 10:44 am

I hear you, I have been in similar boat before, no friends or family close by to rely on is not easy.
The shifts is definitely the only way about it.
Take a night each or if its difficult take 2 hours each. Share the load. Your husband sounds great to be willing to help so much (bh mine does too but I know not everyone's does). Good luck!

amother

Emerald

Sun, Nov 15 2015, 9:13 am

Thank you !

I guess shifts are the only way to go as last poster wrote. Very anxious about it but trying to stay hopeful.

DH suggested a night nurse for a week or so (as elishva wrote) but I feel like it won't help in the long run- what's a week gonna do when you have months of no sleep ahead? Am I wrong?