Was this the right thing to do?

amother

Salmon

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 8:41 am

I was doing errands with my toddler. We left the shoe store, and he refused to let me put him back into the stroller. I was parked 3 blocks away, and he is very heavy- there was no way I could carry him in one hand and push the stroller with the other. He was crying and fidgeting around, making it extremely difficult to strap him in, but I strapped him in anyway, talking soothingly to him. I knew that less than a minute after he'd be strapped in, he would stop crying- and he did.
My question is, was that abusive or inappropriately controlling on any level? He is under a year and a half, so he doesn't understand when I tell him to go nicely into the stroller, or promise him his favorite song or a treat or whatever. Was it wrong of me to force him into the stroller although I knew he would stop crying right away? If that was wrong of me, what do you think j should have done instead?

amother

Salmon

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 9:04 am

yo'ma wrote:

No, IMHO, that was not abusive. It's not the same thing, but if he would scream while putting him in a car seat, wouldn't you put him in anyway?

True. And he did fuss when I put him into the car seat, until I turned on the music which he loves.

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 9:05 am

amother wrote:

He probably understands more than you are giving him credit for.

What was happening here is, he did not want to go into the stroller, and you were gently and firmly telling him that for now he has to whether he likes it or not.

That's not only not abusive, but it's an important lesson for him to learn - that he will need to accept the authority of those older and wiser than he.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 9:30 am

That's not abuse, that's effective parenting.

What you experienced was power struggle. Get used to it, there will be a LOT more to come. You need to remember at all times that YOU are the grown up, and you have more life experience in making decisions. It's your job to keep him safe, not to keep him "happy".

TeachersNotebook

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 11:53 am

I'm no parenting expert, but if it makes you feel better, I have to do this with my 2yo on occasion also. The only thing I would add to what previous posters have already said is that you don't want this to become the norm, or the usual way of getting your kid to do something. It's usually easier on both the parent and the kid to practice preventive discipline: you can either try to avoid getting into a situation like this in the first place, or you can try to find an alternate way of dealing with it.

For example, it sounds like he was getting tired after all those errands. An avoidance strategy would be to cut your errands short before he gets to the tired non-compliant stage. Or maybe question for yourself if you absolutely must have him in the stroller now- maybe you actually have the time to walk with him for three blocks? Always question your nos to make sure they're valid.

In terms of alternate ways to deal: maybe he will agree to go into the stroller only after he buckles the straps himself; or if you point out that he gets his blanket/teddy bear/whatever comfort item when he sits down (not bribery, but natural positive consequence Smile

); or if you give him a choice between going into the stroller himself or you putting him in there, etc etc... Over time, you find what kind of negotiation and distraction methods work, and what don't.

In the end though, if you've determined that he must go in the stroller, then he needs to learn to listen. Bring firm while being respectful (which is what you were doing) is good parenting.

yksraya

Mon, Nov 16 2015, 12:01 pm

You did nothing wrong! It would be dangerous for him to not be strapped in safely and when it comes to safety it's ok. It's not like strapping an older kid in etc, kids this age need to be strapped in safely, if they won't get into stroller you need to get them into it. Just like you would grab a running toddler if you see him wanting to run onto road.