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Advice appreciated. .. cancel ey trip?



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eschaya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 9:50 am
Bear with me here, there is a lot of background. So iyh I will be graduating from graduate school in a few weeks, and I have a trip to eretz Yisrael scheduled. We made the tickets months ago when there was a sale going on and dh thought it would be nice for me to visit as my graduation present. At that point, a big part of the trip was to visit my 2 grandfathers who lived there. Unfortunately, one grandfather has since been niftar and the other has worsening dementia. The situation has also become unsafe so that I wouldn't feel safe doing much touring or hanging out. I would essentially go to the kosel, visit my grandfather in a nursing home though he won't recognize me anyway, visit a few friends and relatives, then travel back. Lots of jet lag, and I am terrible flyer (for my last trip there years ago I was prescribed valium, tho I didn't end up taking it).
To further compound the situation, now that we are closer to the travel date we found out that I will be missing parent teacher conferences, the school banquet where my son will be performing, and an open house at the school where we want to send my daughter. Now we recently calculated that it's going to mess up my niddah cycle and I'll have to push off mikvah, etc. Oh, and when we went back to check, turns out my flight is from (and comes back to ) an airport more than 2 hours from my house. So now there is the hassle of figuring out how to get to and from the airport.
So a big part of me says to just cancel this trip. I would feel so much more relaxed, and actually get to spend time with my kids after a long and grueling program, before I start a new job a week later. The main thing holding me back is the guilt I feel. How can I not visit my grandfather? I haven't seen him in a few years, and I don't know when I will next have the opportunity. Even though he may not recognize me, how can I not visit him? Also, it means so much to my mother that I am going to visit her father (she is actually there now, he really is not doing too well)and I'm afraid she'll be hurt if I cancel my trip .
What do you think? What would you do if you we really in my situation ?
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ValleyMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 10:27 am
I don't know you at all but after reading your email it sounds like your personally are not terribly enthusiastic about going right now.

Sounds like you have a lot going on and I'm sure you will make the perfect choice for yourself.

As a side note, my father recently passed in July and my mom specifically chose to visit Israel during this chaos to take a stand and show Israel that she SUPPORTS them.

My mom is in her 80's and traveled alone.

She was there for 2 weeks and recently returned- after visiting with all her grandchildren nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews etc.

I wish I had the funds to plan a trip to Israel for myself.
Money is so darn tight these days with 1 kid in yeshiva high school 1 off to college and 1 applying for graduate school- were grateful overtime our mortgage gets paid on time LOL!!!
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nyer1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 11:16 am
you have to go with your gut. if it were me in those situations, I would feel really torn, but I probably wouldn't go.
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eschaya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 11:24 am
That's kind of how I'm leaning. I just keep worrying that if my grandfather continues to deteriorate (ok, I know I'm being morbid here, but also realistic ), how would I feel if I gave up my only opportunity to see him. In all likelihood, I won't have the chance to go to ey for at least 2 years. Everything else tells me that now is not the right time to go. But how can I give up on this possibly only chance to visit my grandfather, and I'm also afraid that it would hurt my mother terribly if I cancel my trip.
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brooklyn




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 11:39 am
Can you change the date on the tickets and go in a month or so?
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yksraya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 11:45 am
Maybe switch to a different destination as a graduation trip.
And work it around the PTA and banquet etc so that you can attend that before/after your vacation etc.
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cuffs




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 11:45 am
I would just go. Whenever you will plan a trip you will miss things. That's life. You never ha r nothing on your schedule, right?
There's nothing like eretz yisroel and it's something you won't regret. Cuz how could you regret going to the kosel, or visiting your grandfather.
I think even if you would push off the trip, new things would come up on the new dates.
It's only natural to get nervous before the trip and a million different reasons come up in your head why you shouldn't be doing this.
I always have that Smile
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eschaya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 11:46 am
I wish I could. But I have a 2 week window between finishing school (with part time job) and starting a new job. Once I start my new job I will need to start building up vacation time, and even that usually gets used for Yom tov...

I know I have to make t u is decision on my own. But it is helpful to hear other perspectives.
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thankyou




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 12:08 pm
Give up the trip.
If your grandfather was in better shape I would say go but since he won't recognize you anyway and it's so complicated for you and the situation is really not so safe here ...
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STMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 12:42 pm
I'm the type of person that would keep revisiting the guilt of not seeing him when I had the chance. Nothing is worth feeling that way.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 1:45 pm
I see two major points that are the conflict

1) family there vs family here

2) the situation there


If there was no question of saftey, would you go?

if yes, then go, bc the way I've always felt, no matter how horrible the situation is, Israel is always safer than anywhere else. (besides, god will take you when he takes you, no matter where you are or what your doing)

if no, then I would suggest making a pro/con list with point values, and be really honest with yourself.

maybe a pro/con list with point values both ways would actually help sort it out, but there are really more than just these two factors.

so pro/con on going and pro/con on not going. and make sure to add point values, bc I can sit here and tell you that time with family member X is a 10 but that would be me in my situation, while your relationship with family member X is a 3
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cuffs




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 1:48 pm
thankyou wrote:
the situation is really not so safe here ...

I'm laughing at this line. Right now I feel the safest in eretz yisroel.
You think it's safer in NY?
At least here we have the shechina.
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syrima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 23 2015, 2:38 pm
just a thought - if you don't go, which I think is totally legit given that it will take you away from important events that your kids need you at, you can make a video of yourself singing songs that your grandfather used to know, and showing him pictures of you when you were young. That shows you care without the whole trip hassle. And if he is really not himself, won;t seeing him just make you sad?
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