My 5 year old keeps making up believable stories!

thunderstorm

Mon, Nov 23 2015, 3:49 pm

My 5 year old makes up stories and everyone believes him! How can I get it to stop?
I just received a call from my babysitter, that he did not come home yet and she is still waiting for him...
I called the person in charge of transportation to find out if there is a problem and he said that my son told the bus driver that he is not supposed to go to the sitter today, that he is supposed to go to " Chaim Rapapport (names changed) on Main Street ". The driver called the supervisor to find out if he was notified and he told him that I didn't mention anything to him...when the driver went to drop him off at the babysitter, she was waiting by the window and he didn't see her outside, assumed my son's story was true and didn't drop him off! This is the 3rd time this happened!
Last time he convinced the Rebbe that he has to go to a certain boy's house and that I wrote a note for him and I left it accidentally taped to the fridge...and they sent him to this kid's house!!!
This is driving me crazy...I don't know how to stop him from making up things...I even believe most of his bologne stories...
I let the school know that they CAN NOT listen to him unless I give a note and speak to the transportation supervisor....but the driver STILL fell for his story...what would you do in regard to your child? I know how to handle the school, I don't need advice on that. thanks.

anonymrs

Mon, Nov 23 2015, 10:42 pm

It is still normal at this age for a child to not be able to differentiate between fact and fantasy. He wanted you to have written a note to go to someone's house so in his head you did! It's hard to get into the brain of a child but it's really normal until age 6. When it happens you can point it out, briefly, with no show of emotion. Just say you meant you wanted me to do write that note for you. and then move on.

seeker

Tue, Nov 24 2015, 1:30 am

It is normal for a kid to make up stories/wishful thinking, but I would also give the kid a good lecture - um, I mean conversation - about the potential outcomes of these things. A 5-year-old is old enough to start learning how to think about the consequences of their actions. What happens if the bus driver brings you to your friend but Mommy didn't give permission? What is the babysitter thinking and feeling? Who is missing him? What would happen if the friend's Mommy didn't let? Things to think about to teach him that his actions have consequences and he can't just make up whatever he wants.

And definitely bus drivers of small children should know better than to make route changes without confirmation. That's a real problem - on the school/bus company's part since you say you already told them about this (though it should be their policy by default anyway)

YerushalayimMom

Tue, Nov 24 2015, 1:40 am

I think you have to make clear to all the teachers/drivers etc that he is going through a phase. Also make clear to him that no one will believe him when he tells true things, if he keeps lying. Also, tell him that is he wants to go to someones house, he should tell you and you will do your best to arrange it for him!

Smile

These made up stories can drive you crazy, worrying that your child is a pathological liar!!! But really, its an important stage of development. I tend to listen, say "wow really?" and move on. (It is important to check out through a different means if the child is saying something scary, like someone did something to them etc..)

At a slightly later time, I have a little conversation with my kid where I tell them:
I love hearing your amazing stories. But its important to me to know which ones really happened, and which ones it would be amazing IF they happened. So before you tell me a story, tell me whether it REALLY happened or 'wouldn't it be amazing if this happened'.

Than I make sure to show loads of enthusiasm when they tell me a made up story. (And tonnes of praise when they were able to tell me if it really happened or would-be-cool-if it happened)

5*Mom

Tue, Nov 24 2015, 1:45 am

seeker wrote:

This. But do make it a conversation and not a lecture. Expect to have some version of this conversation multiple times before he starts integrating your message.

morah

Tue, Nov 24 2015, 6:23 am

Your kid is normal, the adults in charge of him are not. How can the school take the word of a five year old that permission was left on the fridge? No matter how believable, notes and permission slips exist for a reason and no note means no permission until otherwise confirmed with a parent. All they had to do was call you to confirm. Same with bus driver- without explicit instructions, he has to have the company call you if he thinks there really was a change in plans.
I would suggest reading stories about honesty so he learns. One of my favorites is Eli and the Little White Lie. But this is a totally normal stage and this is the age it generally happens.

thunderstorm

Tue, Nov 24 2015, 9:54 am

LOL! Thanks everyone...he was really starting to make me nervous....last week my sister in law picked him up from the babysitter on Friday and brought him home. I commented "Oh! We didnt pay the babysitter" and he said "Oh! Yes, Chanie paid her. We just have to pay Chanie back".....I believed him and a few days later I asked my husband if he ever paid his sister back for laying out the $ to the babysitter...he had no idea what I was talking about...it never happened!!! I ended up paying the babysitter late because my son had told me that my sister in law paid her! Oh! Well..I guess I'll have to be more careful..

5*Mom

Tue, Nov 24 2015, 10:06 am

At the same time that you follow Seeker's suggestions (I hope you will Wink

you can encourage him to write stories. You can say, "That didn't really happen in our lives but that would make a great story. How about you tell it to me and I'll write it down." It might help him differentiate between story and reality while giving him an outlet for his imagination.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Nov 24 2015, 11:36 am

Oh my gosh, SO normal! DD was/is a brilliant story teller. It took me a while to explain to her that while her stories were really well done, it is not nice to trick people. She needs to say "This is a story" or "This is real", or else she'll get in trouble. She also found out that I would follow up every. single. one. of her stories, so she eventually quit trying to get one over on me.

She's 12 now, and is a brilliant writer. All of her teachers say that she will have a very bright future as a writer of young adult fiction. Very Happy

PassionFruit

Tue, Nov 24 2015, 1:47 pm

I was just asking because I thought most American schools have policies about this kind of thing, that you need a signed note to change plans. Sounds irresponsible on the schools part to be listening to a five year old. I would be more upset at the school than my kid.