Do All Frum Men Wear Tzitzit?

amother

Coral

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 1:41 pm

Dh used to wear tzitzit but stopped when he started working in construction. It got in the way so he just stopped. I don't pressure him because I don't believe it's worth it. There are more important things.

So today I spoke to his mother. And I mentioned it by mistake. I didn't mean to, she was talking about it and I thought she knew he doesn't wear. But apparently she didn't.

Her reaction:
"Despicable!"
"I can't believe my son doesn't wear tzitzit! How did that happen? He sunk so low!"

She is BPD so it's not so shocking. I warned her not to say anything to him. But I can't know what she'll do now. I'm afraid.

But what I'm wondering is whether it really is so terrible. I know it's not ideal, but I didn't think it was terrible. I know not all Frum Jews do everything equally. But is it like wearing a kippah? A basic thing like that? No, I still won't make him wear it. I just want to know.

singleagain

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 1:44 pm

I was under the impression that IF a man is wearing a four cornered garment it needs tztizit ... but only IF he is wearing it. which means, I was always under the impression that if he is not wearing a four cornered garment, he doesn't have to put one on to wear tztizit .... I cannot remember the source, I believed I once heard this from my father... but this is what I understand

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 2:06 pm

And, since it's a mitzvah to wear them, men put on 4 cornered garments in order to have the opportunity to do this mitzvah.

Ooc, op, does he wear them on shabbos?

amother

Orchid

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 2:11 pm

I was wondering this myself. We have the custom to wear them "out" but I know many tuck. Now that we moved to a very modern community I always wonder if all the men are tucked or if they don't have them at all. I have no clue.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 2:14 pm

My husband recently started putting on tzitzis and I am really happy about it. But he hasn't really worn for the past 5 or 6 years. I asked a rav about it because I was curious, he made it sound like a Jewish man should wear, but it's not exactly a sin if not, unless he is wearing a four cornered garment.

water_bear88

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 2:17 pm

It's a d'oraita to have tzitit if he's wearing a 4-cornered garment. AFAIK, it's either d'rabbanan or (strong) minhag to wear a 4-cornered garment in order to put on tzitzit. Either way, if it's a matter of safety in construction, I'm sure he's doing the right thing by not wearing them. I can also see how they'd tear more easily in such a job, which might leave him wearing a 4-cornered garment without tzitzit, which is an actual d'oraita issue.

If it's just about comfort, he can AHLOR, but I agree with OP's approach of not pushing him.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 2:20 pm

I forgetforget what the term is, but it's the kind of mitzvah where you only become obligated if you're in a certain situation (the situation here being wearing a four cornered garment) but men go out of their way to wear a fringes four corner garment in order to do the mitzvah. My husband tucks in, BTW, as do my sons, as does my father etc. So just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there. Also, I sometimes get behind with the laundry and then there's no clean tzitzis, so the guys in my household may sometimes go a day or two without wearing embarrassed

amother

Coral

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 2:27 pm

Thanks for your replies.

I know it's not an obligation. But neither is wearing a kippah, is it?

He used to wear it on Shabbos but he no longer does I think.

November

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 2:38 pm

Why do you think he doesn't wear on shabbat? Have you ever discussed it with him? How is his yiddishkeit in general/relationship to Hashem and mitzvot?

amother

Green

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 5:58 pm

They wear it for shmirah. Just like we have mezuzah's on the door.
Many men wear it under the shirt once they start working and only shabos they wear it outside.

5mom

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 7:20 pm

Tzitzit are a mitzvah, but as others have mentioned, it only kicks in if someone is wearing a 4 cornered garment. So in theory, no one ever has to wear them. In practice, it's an easy mitzvah, so why not? Soldiers in the Israeli army wear them tucked in, so I imagine that a construction worker could do the same.

In our community, men keep them tucked in, untucked is considered arrogant.

A kipa, BTW, has practically no halachic standing. Tzitzit outrank kipa by a lot, and I know of quite a few men who wear tzitzit tucked in but no kipa when at work or doing something physically demanding.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Dec 03 2015, 11:27 pm

I have family members who don't wear tzizis all day. Some because of their job (dangerous, like construction), some because they perspire so much (like at gym, or what job they have makes them sweat tons) that it destroys the tzizis. Other reasons too. Allergies maybe? Not sure, can't recall... All were told by a Rav not to.
A kippah is not a requirement either. Some hold inside it isn't needed. Some don't because of work environment (it falls off) or population they are around (mentally unbalanced, prisons, or antisemitism).

I guess it all depends WHY. Is there a reason or is it a rebellion of sorts?

amother

Taupe

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 2:10 am

The fact that your husband doesn't wear tzitzis while working makes sense if it's for safety reasons. He doesn't have any obligation to wear tzitzis in that case.

However, the fact that he doesn't wear tzitzis on shabbos when he isn't working is more concerning. It makes the safety issue seem more like an excuse. Is there an underlying reason why he doesn't want to wear tzitzis? It could be anything from a sensory issue to a religious disconnect.

Maybe it's time for a discussion.

amother

Wheat

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 5:41 am

amother wrote:

I agree with the above. For sure talk to him. Also, if you have any sons, will you care if they wear tzitzit? What if they ask why they have to wear tzitzit and abba doesn't?

amother

Coral

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 7:00 am

To answer some of your questions,

He stopped because they annoyed him at work. Then he was used to not wearing them and he occasionally forgot on Shabbos too. Then he just "didn't bother with it" anymore. Like any habit, once you get into it, you don't think why.

No he didn't talk to a rov. He knows it's not a must, and if he wants to wear them he will, and if not, he won't.

Do you think my sons will realize whether or not their father wears something under his shirt??

amother

Mauve

Sat, Dec 05 2015, 11:00 am

amother wrote:

My oldest, a girl, at age 6, asked her father why he never wears tzitzis. He was so shocked that she realized that he didnt wear them. He told her that he would wear them on shabbos, for her. He doesnt always, but when she remembers he does.
(not getting into why he doesnt wear them regularly)

5mom

Sat, Dec 05 2015, 12:38 pm

amother wrote:

I don't know if your sons will notice the tzitzit or not, but kids do pick up on whether their parents are enthusiastic about religion in general.