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Money for Rebbi, how much do you give?
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amother






Post  Thu, Dec 18 2014, 7:52 pm
The boys Yeshivas in Lakewood go for eleven months so the Rebbeim can't work in camp all summer.
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Reality









  


Post  Thu, Dec 18 2014, 9:29 pm
cookiejar wrote:
There was no attack, rude or otherwise, on your children in my post, (which I re-read to be sure). I don't quite know where you extrapolated that from, but I am more than happy to receive a blessing! I am also happy that Rabbeim get a supplement to their small salaries this time of year. I do tip female and English teachers as well, but I have no idea how you made the leap from here into that debate. No one said "how much should we give the rabbeim and not the morahs"! This was a thread discussing the appropriate amount to tip a Rebbe. And I do not think that writing that Rabbeim should not get tipped (or should not get a large check) could be coming from a good place. No one was discussing male vs. female salary equality... To my mind, if you can afford to give the Rebbe nicely, you should. He is someone who teaches your child Torah, and has chosen for himself a profession with very limited earning potential. In the name of that, and of course, hakoras hatov, I say give it if you have it!!!!


You are right. I re-read your post. You weren't rude to my children. You were rude to me when you implied that I am envious of richer parents who can afford to bribe the rebbe. Anyway, I would still like to bless you that you have good children Very Happy

The reason why I jumped on the sexism is because I have seen many threads about giving large tips to the Rebbe at various times of the year. Where are the threads for the hard working Morahs?

P.S. I am not a Hebrew teacher and neither is my husband. I do teach a specialty class. Classes have given me gifts that many students chipped in. I have also received small token gifts from individuals or the PTA. I never expected anything so I felt loved and appreciated each and every time.

My problem is the double standard in our community. Why is it unacceptable to give a male teacher a small token gift but ok for a female?
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amother






Post  Fri, Dec 19 2014, 1:03 am
I didn't read the entire thread. I'm giving 4yr old ds's rebbi $50 iyh. Not because I want to bribe him, just because I want to show my appreciation. My son is happy to go to cheder every day, he comes home knowing so much, and I am really thankful to the rebbi for everything!
I am a preschool teacher. I've gotten $50 tips and a danish with a thank you note type tips. I can't say that the $50 was more appreciated, and that kid definitely didn't get more attention because of it! It was the token of appreciation that warmed my heart and gave me chizzuk to continue doing what I'm doing. (Yes, preschool teachers can have really hard days sometimes! One mother gave me a slurpee after one such a day. She didn't know that I had a hard day, she just gave me a rosh chodesh treat lol! While I didn't take it as a bribe to look at her kid more, it did give me koach to continue. Because someone does appreciate my hard work!) Sorry for the long ramble. Point is, show your appreciation. Can't afford a $10 tip? No problem! Send a chocolate bar with a sticky note saying "Thank you so much for everything you do! Ploiny loves going to school!" Nothing more is nescessary.
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amother






Post  Fri, Dec 19 2014, 2:04 am
I give because everyone else gives and I am doing it out of pressure not because I want to. I think this whole tipping business got out of hand.

And for the record many times a Morah is supporting the husband in learning where as a rebbe many times has the wife working too so there is two incomes in that family.
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imaima









  


Post  Fri, Dec 19 2014, 3:12 am
cookiejar wrote:
Seriously, have you no feeling of hakoras hatov at all? I cannot believe the replies you keep posting.


Seriously, what makes you think that I have a child who has a Rebbi? I never indicated that. So what does it have to do with ME???

You still didn't answer my question. What exactly could he have become when he never learned anything, and even nothing about education and child development, which could have been expected from someone working with kids? A millionaire? Investment banker?

Together with Ruchel, I am appalled at some responses, especially amother who is Rebbi's wife and makes it clear that children OWE her husband to behave, and if they don't and he G-D FORBID has to give them more attention, he expects to be tipped.
This is my opinion. This has nothing to do with hakaras hatov. The intention behind some parents tipping and some Rebbi's attitude show that it's not. Hakaros hatov is an obligation for the giver to give but not for the receiver to receive.
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cookiejar









  


Post  Fri, Dec 19 2014, 6:57 am
imaima wrote:
Seriously, what makes you think that I have a child who has a Rebbi? I never indicated that. So what does it have to do with ME???

You still didn't answer my question. What exactly could he have become when he never learned anything, and even nothing about education and child development, which could have been expected from someone working with kids? A millionaire? Investment banker?

Together with Ruchel, I am appalled at some responses, especially amother who is Rebbi's wife and makes it clear that children OWE her husband to behave, and if they don't and he G-D FORBID has to give them more attention, he expects to be tipped.
This is my opinion. This has nothing to do with hakaras hatov. The intention behind some parents tipping and some Rebbi's attitude show that it's not. Hakaros hatov is an obligation for the giver to give but not for the receiver to receive.


You have a terrible attitude. What you're saying is awful. I'm sorry. I do not let too many things on here upset me but somehow your way of thinking is getting under my skin... Hakoras hatov is NOT an obligation for the giver to give. I don't know where you got that. Hakoras hatov is a feeling of gratitude. For which you can write a note, a poem, give a slurpee, make a phone call, or, IF YOU WANT, give a nice check. I do not know or care if you have kids or if they have Rabbeim. I know that I have kids, and that my FEELINGS toward the people who teach my children - ALL of them, male or female - are ones of immense gratitude. They put every fiber of their being into giving my child a good year, a year which could be so crucial in the formation of the adult they will be, a year which, dare I say, were it BAD, could destroy them forever, and why in the world should I not express that gratitude???

If my Rabbeim need money, and if I HAVE money, I am so happy to give it! I love expressing gratitude - not just to Rabbeim and teachers, to my family, friends, colleagues, etc. There are so many ppl who make my life more pleasant and are good to me, why take it for granted? Chanukah is such a good excuse to show ppl you appreciate them!

And I did not get the impression from the Rebbe's wife that they expect anything. Quite the opposite. Just that they appreciate it a lot. And if you READ all these posts carefully, you will see that teacher after teacher is writing that they most certainly do not favor children whose parents give them a monetary gift. that is not anybody's intention and it is not the outcome. If it's not what I'm meaning/thinking and not what they're feeling, then where in the world do you come from calling it bribery? (I can only go back to jealousy and resentment in my head, but truly I have no idea where it's coming from and I don't really care. I do not know you, I can't help it if that's the type of person you are. But for the very life of me I cannot fathom how someone is not OVERFLOWING with hakoras hatov to the ppl who are putting all of their kochos into her child's year... So very hard for me to understand...)

Hakoras hatov makes you a happier person. Try it.
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imaima









  


Post  Fri, Dec 19 2014, 8:51 am
cookiejar wrote:
You have a terrible attitude. What you're saying is awful. I'm sorry. I do not let too many things on here upset me but somehow your way of thinking is getting under my skin... Hakoras hatov is NOT an obligation for the giver to give. I don't know where you got that. Hakoras hatov is a feeling of gratitude. For which you can write a note, a poem, give a slurpee, make a phone call, or, IF YOU WANT, give a nice check. I do not know or care if you have kids or if they have Rabbeim. I know that I have kids, and that my FEELINGS toward the people who teach my children - ALL of them, male or female - are ones of immense gratitude. They put every fiber of their being into giving my child a good year, a year which could be so crucial in the formation of the adult they will be, a year which, dare I say, were it BAD, could destroy them forever, and why in the world should I not express that gratitude???

If my Rabbeim need money, and if I HAVE money, I am so happy to give it! I love expressing gratitude - not just to Rabbeim and teachers, to my family, friends, colleagues, etc. There are so many ppl who make my life more pleasant and are good to me, why take it for granted? Chanukah is such a good excuse to show ppl you appreciate them!

And I did not get the impression from the Rebbe's wife that they expect anything. Quite the opposite. Just that they appreciate it a lot. And if you READ all these posts carefully, you will see that teacher after teacher is writing that they most certainly do not favor children whose parents give them a monetary gift. that is not anybody's intention and it is not the outcome. If it's not what I'm meaning/thinking and not what they're feeling, then where in the world do you come from calling it bribery? (I can only go back to jealousy and resentment in my head, but truly I have no idea where it's coming from and I don't really care. I do not know you, I can't help it if that's the type of person you are. But for the very life of me I cannot fathom how someone is not OVERFLOWING with hakoras hatov to the ppl who are putting all of their kochos into her child's year... So very hard for me to understand...)

Hakoras hatov makes you a happier person. Try it.


Do you know how to read? I talked about a certain argument that you used before, and you write the entire megillah about hakaros hatov. noone was even arguing about it's significance.
And you can say all you want but somehow, many amothers on this thread feel pressured ti give a lot of money and not chocolate with note.
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Lizajen









  


Post  Sun, Dec 06 2015, 4:52 pm
Do you give cash or a check?
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Sun, Dec 06 2015, 5:07 pm
mommyla wrote:
I give "Chanukah gelt" (and a Purim gift) to both the Rebbi and English teacher. I do chip in for the class gift for the teacher and give a smaller gift of my own. The Rebbi teaches for more hours, so I give more - not because he's a man, not because his salary is pitiful (hey, the teacher's salary is pitiful too, and so are lots of other people's salaries).

I do tend to give more than others because my kid is not the easiest to teach. Not to bribe the teachers to like him or treat him better, but because I appreciate them putting up with a lot of nonsense from him.


WOW! If I'd get gelt from parents whose children are difficult 2 teach I'd be so rich! My class is pretty chutzpadik and "jumpy".(Luckily I only have them 2x a week) I wish the parents would appreciate me like you do. Good for YOU!!!
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Lizajen









  


Post  Sun, Dec 06 2015, 5:23 pm
And cash or check?
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amother




Puce


Post  Sun, Dec 06 2015, 8:26 pm
If your school doesn't collect for the rebbi or morah, how do you get it to them? I feel it is not so appropriate to have the kid give them an envelope. Or is it ok, since it is really a thank you card (with money tucked inside)?

Same question for end of year thank yous.
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gold21









  


Post  Sun, Dec 06 2015, 8:48 pm
I give $2,500 per rebbe cuz that's hakaras hatov. I give the teacher 25 cents because she doesn't deserve hakaras hatov. As per comments on this thread from 2014.

Rebbes are always poorer than Morahs. And that's a fact. They need my tips. Morahs don't need tips. They really should be home cooking anyway, why are they teaching in the first place. Rebbes need my tips, they are always tighter financially than their students families are. And that's a fact.


(With that imbalanced viewpoint aside, I think u should give what u can, for both rebbe and to morah. The standard in my neighborhood is 50 for rebbe (yes send a check, don't send cash with your kid) and 20 for a teacher. Give what u can. The rebbe/teacher deserves acknowledgement of his/her hard work on behalf of your child. But don't feel pressured to give beyond your means. The rebbe/teacher is mature enough to treat all children equally and with equal love and attention, tips aside.)

(PS I'm not a teacher but I do think the imbalance in tipping is odd. It's not my personal crusade, just an observation)
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amother




Pewter


Post  Sun, Dec 06 2015, 11:04 pm
gold21 wrote:
I give $2,500 per rebbe cuz that's hakaras hatov. I give the teacher 25 cents because she doesn't deserve hakaras hatov. As per comments on this thread from 2014.

Rebbes are always poorer than Morahs. And that's a fact. They need my tips. Morahs don't need tips. They really should be home cooking anyway, why are they teaching in the first place. Rebbes need my tips, they are always tighter financially than their students families are. And that's a fact.


(With that imbalanced viewpoint aside, I think u should give what u can, for both rebbe and to morah. The standard in my neighborhood is 50 for rebbe (yes send a check, don't send cash with your kid) and 20 for a teacher. Give what u can. The rebbe/teacher deserves acknowledgement of his/her hard work on behalf of your child. But don't feel pressured to give beyond your means. The rebbe/teacher is mature enough to treat all children equally and with equal love and attention, tips aside.)

(PS I'm not a teacher but I do think the imbalance in tipping is odd. It's not my personal crusade, just an observation)

They work a lot more hours than morahs. My son's rebbes work from 7:30 a.m. until 3 6 days a week while my daughter's morahs for the same grade work 9- 12 5 days a week. One works 7.5 hours a day including a half hour lunch supervising the kids for 37.5 hours a week while the morahs work 15 hours a week. The jobs are not equal because one is full-time and the other is part. They deserve more money.
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amother




Green


Post  Mon, Dec 07 2015, 12:08 am
amother wrote:
They work a lot more hours than morahs. My son's rebbes work from 7:30 a.m. until 3 6 days a week while my daughter's morahs for the same grade work 9- 12 5 days a week. One works 7.5 hours a day including a half hour lunch supervising the kids for 37.5 hours a week while the morahs work 15 hours a week. The jobs are not equal because one is full-time and the other is part. They deserve more money.


They are PAID to work longer hours. Hakaras Hatov should be the same for every teacher your kids have.
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mommyla









  


Post  Mon, Dec 07 2015, 1:21 pm
amother wrote:
WOW! If I'd get gelt from parents whose children are difficult 2 teach I'd be so rich! My class is pretty chutzpadik and "jumpy".(Luckily I only have them 2x a week) I wish the parents would appreciate me like you do. Good for YOU!!!


Hey, that's funny, I was reading the reply you quoted and thinking that I do the same thing... then I noticed that it was my reply!
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