Taking home food from an event

amother

Jade

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 2:49 pm

Sometimes after a party or event the host will ask if anyone wants to take extra food home.

I don't mind taking home leftovers. My husband thinks it's shnorring.

It's not that we are too poor to afford food. But it is a convenience not to have to cook, and a favor for the host to take the food off their hands if they don't have a large family, don't have storage space, don't eat that type of food for whatever reason, etc.

Since it leads to arguments and sholom bayis problems I usually turn down the offers but I wonder what others think.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 2:57 pm

If the host is davka offering it, then it's not wrong, they want to get rid of it. However, I feel weird doing it if the host just says "hey, does anyone want to take it?" then I feel weird taking it. It's not wrong, but it feels greedy, kinda like how no one wants to be the first to take food from a buffet. Again, it's not wrong, but it feels funny. However, where the host has offered personally to me "hey, amother, please, take some home with you", then I feel a lot less weird obliging and I usually do take them up on it.

animeme

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 3:08 pm

I agree with Mistyrose. DH feels that when the host offers, those who truly need should take and we should leave it for them, and I also feel kind of weird until it's offered to me specifically. I still won't take it if I think someone else needs it and doesn't want to step up until everyone else refuses.

OOTBubby

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 3:23 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

If it's offered there is nothing wrong.

I find it very cheapy looking / not nice when people bring home treats for husband/ kids without asking the baal simcha.

While I've never done that, I have no problem with it as long as it is a few treats (I don't think the baalei simcha would mind either) -- when I see loaded plates, I think it is wrong.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 7:24 pm

I think it's fine to take home food at the end of a Simcha, like a Bris, for example. But it's really cheesy to take stuff in the middle. I remember being at my nephews Bris, and sis's MIL was leaning over and taking things off our table to wrap up and take home with her, making less food available to those who were there.

sky

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 7:34 pm

I don't think it is OK to take stuff home at the end of the bris or simcha unless it is offered.
In fact I've been told it is a halachik issue. The food is purchased for people to eat at the bris (or the amount they would eat) not to take back extras. If someone doesn't eat at the bris and instead takes a sandwich for the way - I think that is okay. The whole system of kids taking a danish to their teacher when they arrive late from a bris is problematic, unless they take their portion.

I know people it really bothers. They think they will have extra bagels and spreads or cake for the next few weeks and then the bris ends and they are cleaned out.

I think if the host offers it then it is fine, but to just pack up a few sandwiches at the end I think is wrong.

agreer

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 7:48 pm

A Bris is VERY different than other types of Simchas. It's a mitzvah to eat from a Bris, and it's a known thing to take food from a bris to give to those who couldn't make it.

It's different if it's a kiddish or bar mitzvah or something else... However, if there's a sweet table, such as at a vort or a fancy wedding, I think the hosts expect you to take for a spouse or parent/child.

It also depends on the AMOUNT, as a PP said... One cookie -no biggie. Half a cake during the event? Yikes!

But I do know from events my family has thrown - in general, we WANT people to take food after the party and don't want leftovers!

amother

Violet

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 8:02 pm

In our family there is silver foil put out at every bris for people to take food with them. Like agreer wrote, it's a known thing to bring food to people from a bris. No, I don't know where it comes from Wink

animeme

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 8:04 pm

Side point- do not take centerpieces. Do not ask if you can take centerpieces, or parts of them, even if they are balloons. If they are offered, enjoy.

Yes, I have seen this happen. People figure that if they stay until the end, the centerpieces aren't needed anymore.

watergirl

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 8:54 pm

sky wrote:

Ita. I used to live in a huge community where men would hear a bris was going kn at whichever shul and daven there to chop a bagel (and leave with lunch as well!). When we lived there, we made a bris and couldn't afford to feed random buisness men. We made a bris and kept it quiet, held it in a shul that was not functioning at that time (it was closed the whole year I think). Still people came and took extra but it wasnt as much as we were afraid would have been.

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 9:05 pm

If the host offers, please take and enjoy.

At a bris it is understood that many attendees will be hurrying off to work and will not be able to sit and enjoy a leisurely seudah. "Goody bags" are routinely provided, and it is normal to help yourself to a reasonable amount to-go.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 9:17 pm

At my son's bris people were taking tons of food- I almost didn't get any! People we didn't know etc were just walking in, taking food and leaving. Not even saying Mazel tov or anything.
Same with yalmulkahs we put out. We have some non frum relatives who would want one. They weren't specialty ones or with a name inside. Plain black ones that still cost a lot. Meshulachim just grabbed them.... Until my father walked over and said "you are currently wearing one. These are for the non shomer shabbos to have something..." And he put it back.

So annoying! I say take for yourself food during the event. If the extras are offered at the end, that is different. If you are taking one Danish AT the END for your wife etc, that's different too. But to grab an extra plate at the beginning before people took or to take enough to feed a family at the end without being offered it, that is wrong.