Wwyd? | Imamother

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jan 12 2016, 9:27 am

I have a problem that I am hoping to get an answer from you smart ladies.

I am by nature not a organized type. dh isnt the best but better then me. so in the past he tried to tell me that if I take somthing out to put it back. I was resistent at the time. things were hard for me in different ways and it wasnt my priority.

now I live in a 5 bedroom apartment. I am very overwhelmed. I recently moved from a 2.5 bedroom. now I have two floors. my laundry gets washed near the kitchen.

I asked dh when he uses up the container and its empty he should throw it away. he said that we had discussed this many times. that if I would do it, everyone else would. so he thinks I dont care (which sometimes I dont) I leave a lot of cleaning for friday. he helps me a lot. and I appreciate it. he also does his own laundry most of the time.

then he said that he is the one in the house that puts away things more then anyone. maybe yes maybe not. I dont know. bec he leaves his supper plate on the table. if I dont clean it away it stays there. basically he helps me on friday, and usually if he isnt busy at work during the week he will fill up the dishwasher.

all I want is to figure out a plan where dh and I are cleaning together. not I should feel left in the cold. I am home with the mess. and I get easily overwhelmed and I then just dont clean.

dh says if he works he cant also help in the house. even though he will help me with kids. but I feel like if I did more of an effort this wouldnt happen so much. although primarily the house is my responsibility and parnassa is his. thats how its set up in my marriage.

WHAT SHOULD I DO? IF HE SAYS HE PACKS AWAY MORE THEN ANYONE THEN I GUESS NOW ITS MY CHANCE TO SHOW I AM DOING THE SAME.

what he is saying is that he is doing enough, and I should do more. I just dont know exactly what. its not always possible to put things away right away after using something. please help me figure this one out.

I am so confused. I usually dont throw away cups after use bec I reuse them. my kids unpack and dont put away. my 7 yr old can already. help me set things up so I can do this better. I want my house to look organized and my kids should learn from me. I cant have this not caring attitude in my house.

its really not a he isnt doing enough. its really me that needs training.

anonymous cause I am so embarrassed.

saw50st8

Tue, Jan 12 2016, 9:45 am

Have you ever read www.aslobcomesclean.com? I think it's awesome. It's about a woman who is not naturally clean and organized and her journey, with tips and solutions along the way.

Now, about specifics. Forget about your husband while you are improving yourself. It's too hard to work on too many people at once. I think your husband will be inspired to help more once more is being done. You also can only change yourself, you cannot change your husband.

Are you home during the day or do you work? Are there little kids home with you?

Prioritize one room to start with. I recommend it being the first room you see when you walk in your house (for me, it's my living room). Start by decluttering things you don't need. Toss what needs to be tossed, put away what needs to be put away and evaluate the room as a whole. Do you need more storage in there? (we added an armoire that solved a lot of issues for us) Do you need less stuff? Less stuff is really key - it means you have less to deal with. Don't be too concerned with monetary value unless you are really poor. Toss, donate or gift the stuff and get it out as soon as possible.

It really is hard to put things away as soon as you are done, especially with little kids. For little kids, try to set up ways for them to help - make sure there are enough laundry baskets (or at least a laundry area) where they can put their dirty clothes when they change. Things like that.

Don't take on too much at once. You will likely get overwhelmed. Add in one extra chore a day like sweeping in the kitchen or something. Then, as that becomes routine, add in another one.

Good luck!

amother

Brunette

Tue, Jan 12 2016, 1:14 pm

saw50st8-I'm coming to the realization that for people like me who just aren't naturally organized having less stuff might be the answer but I want to keep everything! I dress classically so stuff doesn't actually go "out of style" but do I really need so many sweaters.... I don't really go shopping anymore so just buying another if I want it isn't so practical anymore...

I got beautiful hand me downs that don't fit my daughter yet...

did you get rid of most stuff? the whole if you aren't currently using it then its out?

op-I hear ya

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Jan 12 2016, 8:39 pm

A piece of the puzzle could be that you, DH & kiddo all clean together for 15 minutes every night after dinner.

Set the timer for 15 min. You could all clean together in one room or each person could pick a room (flip a coin if you must.)

You would be surprised how much you can get done by working at it for 15 min.

(This is also a pretty Flylady.com influenced idea.)

If you want more ideas, you can look at a pintrest board I have been working on that has a lot of different strategies and worksheets for home management. Please note that some of the links, while they have valuable ideas, are posted on blogs written by women with x-tian outlook & influence, so be aware of that. https://www.pinterest.com/btdt.....zing/

Also, for a more Jewish perspective on home management, read Nechama Greisman. All her works are available on the Chabad websites now. http://www.sichos-in-english.o.....4.htm

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jan 12 2016, 9:08 pm

oh how I wish dh would help me every night for 15 min. I just dont have the guts to. I think what I will do is do that myself. and be consistent every night. and then I think I will bring dh and ds in the picture. I cant put my kids in it every night for now. too much going on. but on the weekends for sure. so I will start with myself. but I have no motivation now. I guess motivation will come as I do it. now off I go for 15 min. thanks poster above. I dont know you yet you helped me a jewish mother to be a better wife and mother and person. thanks so much. I cant thank you too much!

amother

Pewter

Tue, Jan 12 2016, 10:23 pm

Can you afford some cleaning help?

I am the one whose classmates called her Messalina Messy-Desk.

When my kids were young I tried to have help twice a week. This way I only had to maintain order for the 2-3 days in between.

As a famous Rebbetzin (Rebbetzin Braunstein?)used to say, eat tuna every night if need be, but get help! (For you yuppies, that's canned tuna, not sushi!)

I am not sure who needs help more, the organizationally challenged person who can't keep up with the housework, or the perfectionist who, without help, will spend her whole life cleaning. Either way, it's a total lifesaver, IMHO.

saw50st8

Wed, Jan 13 2016, 7:39 am

amother wrote:

That really depends on your storage space. I have plenty so I box up clothing that I'm not using right now and put it in the basement. If the stuff is too small for your daughter and you don't have another one yet, I would probably get rid of it if you can't store it.

If you wear the clothing and have space to store it, then it's not a huge deal if you can stay on top of it. If you are the type to throw off 10 outfits and not hang them back up - get rid of it!

When it comes to clothing though, I have a tendency to have a lot for each kid because I don't stay on top of laundry so well. We have 2 weeks of stuff for each kid. Of course that makes my laundry pile overwhelming...

LittleDucky

Wed, Jan 13 2016, 6:10 pm

I recommend reading Aslobcomesclean.com. She is not a naturally clean or organized person- neither am I. I didn't like flylady- she had systems that just didn't fit my living situation, needs, time and cleaning style! Ok, my style used to be dump and quickly clean before guests. But with Aslobcomesclean, I learned how to notice things. And what things help the most.
She has an idea- just throw out garbage tonight. Ignore the toys etc. just carry a garbage bag around and toss everything that should be trashed. Old magazines, random plastic cups, junk mail etc. you will notice the difference! And feel better!
tomorrow pick something visable- a small task or two that is highly visable and you will notice. A counter, the entryway. Have 2 bags- donate and trash. Put each thing where it belongs immediately and dont get distracted when you put things away (this goes on that shelf. At the shelf see a book and put that away. Then see a sock on the bookcase and decide to throw a load in...). Just do that spot. Don't pick a hidden spot either- if it has doors, wait until later. Toss trash bag at end of night. Bring donate to your car and drop off at Goodwill/gemach etc the next day. Each day do one small visable area. Make a list of future projects if you need for later. Goal is better, not perfection.

Can you tell I read her blog often? It helps me so much! My husband even notices I am better than 2 years ago... Still a long way to go, but better is key! I also find little things that help, like Lysol wipes for bathrooms, counters and stove in between "big cleaning" times. Just wipe and toss.