Aggression after new baby

amother

Linen

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 5:54 am

It started with dd (23 months) attacking the baby, now she's attacking random kids in the park etc. too.

I tried not reacting and just removing her but it is not working.
Plus it's one thing when it's my kid she's attacking, another when it's a random stranger. It seems so wrong to just walk away after she just hurt someone!
It's also hard to remove her from the situation sometimes...if someone is visiting, I can't just send them home! And she's already feeling so excluded and out of place with the new baby, I don't want to keep sending her to her room. I also don't like the room because I want to give her natural consequences not a punishment. But natural consequences are all so longterm! (No one will want to play with her etc.)

Siblings without Rivalry talks about aggression but only when it stems from anger or frustration. That's the case sometimes but more often it seems like she's trying to exert her control since she's suddenly out of place.
They also only talk about older kids that are speaking full sentences and more aware of emotions.
She is pretty smart though so she definitly understands she's doing something wrong -- almost thriving on it, actually -- just not the far reaching consequences.

I think she's definitly getting mixed messages since I'm not consistent but nothing I've heard sounds right to me so I kind of vacillate.
Any ideas?

Thanks!

gittelchana

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 1:28 pm

She's a queen who was just dethroned. That's how she feels. She now has to share attention with the baby and she hates it.

Use your regular discipline when she acts out, but try to pre-empt the aggression with extra TLC for her. I know you're feeling stretched to the limit, but you need to do this. The aggression should dissipate once she realizes that she still gets plenty of attention from you and that she wasn't dethroned after all.