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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
Babyblue
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Thu, Jan 21 2016, 9:40 pm
So.... We are in a new community and my twin daughters are of course in a new school and making friends is coming very easily for one and not the other. They are in different classes but the same grade and the school is fairly small so all the children even between the classes know each other and interact at lunch, recess, etc.
We have had families over for shabbos with daughters from both Twin A's and Twin B's class but no matter which the class the girls always gravitate towards Twin B, leaving Twin A feeling like a third wheel. I have spoken with Twin B about being more inclusive of her sister and she does try (they are very, very, very close) but still the other girls show little interest in Twin A.
Now the playdate invites are coming in. And they are all for Twin B. Twin A has no invitations. And when I ask her whom I can invite over for her she tells me nobody.
I am so sad for her. She is a great kid and she seems lonelier and sadder day by day. I am trying to get some insight from her sister about what is going on but she says Twin A just chooses to play alone at school. I asked the teacher and she thought maybe it was speech related. Twin A does tend to mumble and speak not so clearly and speech therapy has been recommended in the past but she has refused to cooperate with any therapist to date.
I am kind of at a loss here. Do I just let Twin B go off and have a great time on playdates while Twin A is alone and sad? Do I arrange playdates for Twin A even if she doesn't want? Do I try to make all playdates here at our house and try to have Twin A included, even though so far it never worked out anyhow?
I really feel so bad. What can I do???
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amother
Amber
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Thu, Jan 21 2016, 10:08 pm
Wow I have twin girls and find it very challenging but this must be so hard for your daughter and you. I wish I had advice. I do think that if YOU can downplay twin Bs play dates that might help--maybe limit how often she has them but do NOT ask twin B to do that because it's not her fault (although of course it's appropriate to ask her to include her sister).
Is it possible that twin A is more of an introvert and has less need for play dates? It's so hard not to compare twins but try to see twin A for who she is and what she wants.
Best of luck!
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amother
Babyblue
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Fri, Jan 22 2016, 7:55 am
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Chayalle
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Fri, Jan 22 2016, 8:48 am
It is not twin B's responsibility to take care of twin A. Twin B should be allowed to flourish without the pressure of looking out for twin A. It isn't good for either of them for a codependent or resentment relationship to develop.
If twin A is having a hard time socially, this needs to be addressed as if she were not a twin - but just a girl who is having a hard time socially while her sibling is not.
She may need to work with a social skills therapist to build her up and teach her how to initiate, how to be part of a group, etc...if speech is an issue for her, then it needs to be addressed, though mumbling indicates more of a self-esteem issue than a speech issue.
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amother
Babyblue
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Mon, Jan 25 2016, 12:18 am
Thank you.
Any other thoughts?
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