Painful Journal of a 13 year old girl. Thoughts?

amother

Pearl

Mon, Jan 25 2016, 8:57 pm

How yummy… how relaxing… nature… I’m sitting here surrounded by trees. they’re all so friendly...so inviting. it looks like they’re sticking out their twigs to comfort me. to console me. they whisper to me. don’t be offended by a false, sly world. we are your friends. they don’t reject me, or make me feel like a charity case. they don’t tell me “you sing so nicel” they just shake along their heads with the rhythm. I can sit here forever enjoying for the first time the feeling of being accepted, but unfortunately I gotta go. I promise I’ll come again. even if mrs katz stares at me like a monster, and even if the girls ask me where I was I won’t tell them. That’s my secret spot of escaping.
bye bye see you
with love again
Faigy

I don’t know what happened to me today. I wasn't supposed to get upset. I didn’t have ny good reason. Why am I so moody? I am afraid of myself. I can’t even tell it to anyone cause all my reasons are so silly. I feel like crying. I’m so depressed. No one will understand me…. I’m so afraid. what does everybody think about me? I need an ear. I need someone to talk to. I need a FRIEND….

Dear miss Riki diamond
I feel a little funny writing to you. Maybe you will never see this letter. But probably yes. how else can you know what I feel like? And if you don’t know you would think of me as crazy. let’s start. girls in the class torture me that I crush you… now! I said it. am I still normal? Decide for yourself. The truth is crushing is not the right word, I feel a special connection to you… this is one side of myself. on the other side are the warnings of my mother and my own bad experiences. I am afraid… very afraid Im gonna get too pushy, now imagine something is pulling you like hypnosis but but you know you’re going on a dangerous path and can end up feeling awful with yourself. please forgive me. please tell me if you don’t have any patience to me or if I’m too dramatic. maybe I’m imagining things. I hope you understand me. if not don’t judge me,...
with trust
Faigy
Dear miss riki diamond
girls have just read my diary. I don’t care. I have you. I don’t need them. I can’t believe it. It looks like a dream. Maybe it’s just another one of my illusions. hae I really found the right person? Will it finally take an end to my sufferings? Will I finally find peace with myself? Will I learn to like myself? I’m so fed up with the false world around me. since I remember myself I was always the one to blame. I don’t try hard enough. I am the big mechutsaf of the family. I always think I’m smarter. I felt awful with myself. What is this “thing” that pushes me to do all those self destructive acts? Why do I “have” to be different? All those feelings combined into a very negative image of myself..….

As anger tries to beat me
As harshness tries to envelope me
I know you’ll always be at my side
as pain tries to knock me
as guild tries to damage me
I’ll not give up I’ll try and keep my pride
In the long and endless night
I finally found a light
I’ll make you proud no I’ll not give up the fight
even if were far apart
I know I’m still in your heart
I’ll remember your words I’ll really try the best I can

Dear trees
It’s good to be back. I went through a long journey since I spoke to you last. I came back with the same conclusion much stronger. you can’t trust a human being! now I’ll know to watch out much more. Riki diamond!! She did what she said she’ll never do. She dropped me! She abandoned me! She turned her back at me! She transformed into a block of ice! what am I supposed to do now? Forget about her? I can’t! The hurt will stay in my heart forever. Has she forgotten? Where is the special place I found in her heart and mind? where is the promise that she’ll never drop me? It all belongs to the past. to two good weeks I had in my painful life. It’s all gone… and I thought It’ll stay. oh how I longed for that promising friend… You trees are my evidence. You’ll never drop me right? you’re much more honest and pure than the human race.

howru2day

Mon, Jan 25 2016, 9:07 pm

Heartbreaking.

Is it real?

Except if it's yours from many years ago, did you get permission to post it here?

amother

Pearl

Mon, Jan 25 2016, 9:08 pm

It's real. Though the names obviously aren't. And yes I got permission to post it.

Laiya

Mon, Jan 25 2016, 11:00 pm

She is very bright, very creative and articulate, with a gift for self-expression and talent. She is a deep thinker, feels things strongly, is introspective, and trying to make sense of things.

She is also a child in great pain, feeling very alone and misunderstood, and possibly feels shame or self-hate.

OP, what is your relationship to this girl?

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Jan 25 2016, 11:19 pm

This girl represents a lot of kids ,teens and adults. As a fact, I wrote up a very similar diary many years ago. Mine are lots of pages long and lasted over a couple years. It ended after I overcame some if my issues and found a friend or lolover/dh. Now my question is how else should these people in pain express themselves other than a diary if they don't have a listening ear. A mother can't relate to all types of issues the way teens view them . now what's so major in this diary. Op, is this your child? What point do you want to show?

amother

Pearl

Mon, Jan 25 2016, 11:27 pm

I want your opinion. This girl feels shame that she was so needy, and so trusting so fast, and shared so much, that she ended up bringing rejection onto herself. How do I make her feel better about what happened?

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Jan 25 2016, 11:41 pm

That is a very hard and a very shameful thing to swallow. But she should heel as time passes. Lots of people go through this. (Let's hear of more amothers) . encourage here to find a better friend. And she should continue her diary privately if it makes her feel better.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Jan 25 2016, 11:51 pm

If you can say something to this girl what would it be?

amother

Tan

Mon, Jan 25 2016, 11:55 pm

Can someone explain what she's talking about?

howru2day

Tue, Jan 26 2016, 12:06 am

amother wrote:

If you can say something to this girl what would it be?

1- She should continue journaling

2- She is worthy of love and can be loved

loveandpeace

Tue, Jan 26 2016, 12:17 am

I surprised nobody has asked this, so I will. How was this PERSONAL journal obtained? I was a young girl once and I kept my journal H-I-D-D-E-N

debsey

Tue, Jan 26 2016, 2:59 am

amother wrote:

If you can say something to this girl what would it be?

That therapy could help her learn to handle her emotions, that she can learn that not all people she tries to trust will betray her, and that in the end, she'll be ok.

salt

Tue, Jan 26 2016, 3:13 am

loveandpeace wrote:

I surprised nobody has asked this, so I will. How was this PERSONAL journal obtained? I was a young girl once and I kept my journal H-I-D-D-E-N

OP posted further up - she got permission to publish it, and she changed the names.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jan 26 2016, 10:14 am

If it were my daughter, I would go for a few sessions of therapy for myself to guide me how to respond to her.
I may even bring her along, and/or send her for her own private session.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 26 2016, 10:56 am

I think the writer of the the journal sounds very normal. All of those chaotic feelings are part of growing up and figuring out who you are. She needs to know that she is not a "freak".

I have a 12yo girl, and I've warned her in advance that puberty will be a very challenging and confusing time. She will have mood swings that will be totally irrational, but they are not something to be frightened of. She will have extremely intense feelings about all sorts of things, but as long as she can talk to someone (not necessarily me, but at least friends, school counselor, etc.) that she will be fine. The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open with the outside world, and not bottle things up.

I firmly believe that girls need to be told about this BEFORE the hormones hit, so that the feelings don't take them by surprise. Remind them that it's normal, it will pass as they get older, and things will level out.

pointyshoes

Tue, Jan 26 2016, 1:48 pm

She needs to know that shes normal and lovable and what happened wasnt a reflection on something lacking within herself. Poor teenagers im so glad im not one anymore. Its a world of pain out there for them.