Thank you to a Shadchan?

amother

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Wed, Jan 27 2016, 11:15 am

Ruchel wrote:

No money please as I want my full mitzva (my psak and my shadchan's also).

Shidduchim According to Halachah
By
Rabbi Doniel Neustadt
Yoshev Rosh, Vaad Harabbonim of Detroit
It is a mitzvah to arrange a shidduch[1] [colloq: a match] between a man and a woman for the object of matrimony.[2] It is permitted to arrange a shidduch on Shabbos,[3] and if necessary, it is even permitted to discuss the financial arrangements on Shabbos.[4]
The poskim debate whether or not it is permitted to arrange or promote ashidduch between non-observant Jews who will not observe even the minimum halachic standards of family purity. Some permit doing so only for a professional shadchan whose livelihood depends on making shidduchim, while others do not permit it even in that case.[5] But if the shidduch is made for the purposes of potential kiruv or in order to avoid the tragic alternative of intermarriage, then the shidduch may be proposed and followed through regardless of payment. Even a professional shadchan, however, is advised by the poskim not to get involved in arranging a marriage between non-Jews.[6]
Question: Is it a requirement to pay a shadchan for his services or is it just proper etiquette?
Discussion: As with any other business transaction, a shadchan must be paid a fee for arranging a shidduch.[23] It makes no difference if the shadchan was engaged by one of the parties or if he volunteered his services or even if the shadchan is non-professional; in all cases the shadchan must be paid for his services.[24] The shadchan may petition a beis dinto force the parties to pay his fee.[25]
The amount to be paid is divided equally between the two sides, even if the shadchanspent more time with one of them.[26] At the shadchan’s discretion, he may charge only one of the parties involved half of the going rate and forgo the other half. He may not, however, charge more than half to one side, even if the other side is poor or for some reason refuses to pay.[27] The shadchan may forgo payment altogether, in which case there is no compelling reason to pay him.[28]
Although the obligation to pay is the bride’s and groom’s, it has become customary for the parents to pay.[29] In light of this, if the parents fail to pay, some poskim rule there is no obligation for the bride and groom to pay the shadchan.[30]
If the match is not completed, the shadchan need not be paid, even though he invested a great deal of time and effort in pursuing the match.[31]
The poskim debate the division of payments in a situation where more than oneshadchan is involved, or when the match began with one shadchan and ended with another. Whenever there is a dispute, a rav should be consulted, since there are many details involved and no two cases are alike.
A shadchan whose fee is outstanding should not be a witness to the marriage ceremony.[32]
Question: Is there a set amount of money that one must pay a shadchan?
Discussion: The amount to be paid to the shadchan is based on the customary local fee.[33] Once the standard fee is agreed upon, the shadchan may not ask for additional compensation to cover special expenses that he may have incurred in arranging the shidduch.
Our custom is to pay the shadchan immediately after the shidduch is completed.[34] Even if the shidduch is broken later, the shadchan does not have to return his fee[35] as long as he did not give erroneous information which led to the termination of the shidduch.[36]

[23] Rama, C.M. 87:39 and 185:10.
[24] Beiur ha-Gra, ibid. See Teshuvos Maharash Engel 3:15.[25] Rama, C.M. 87:39 and 185:10.
[26] Erech Shai, E.H. 50.
[27] Beis Yitzchak, E.H. 115; Halichos Yisrael 20.
[28] Rav Akiva Eiger, C.M. 185; Pischei Teshuvah, E.H. 50:16, who reject the mistaken notion that a shadchan must be paid even if he forgoes his payment.
[29] Avnei Nezer C.M. 36. See Halichos Yisrael 3.
[30] Erech Shai C.M. 185. See Yismach Lev, vol. 1, pg. 22, for other opinions.
[31] Beis Yosef, C.M. 185.
[32] Otzar ha-Poskim 42:45-15; Rav Y. Kamenetsky (oral ruling, quoted in Apiryon l'Shelomo, pg. 40). See also Yismach Lev, vol. 1, pg. 108, quoting Rav C. Kanievsky.
[33] Pischei Teshuvah, E.H. 50:16. If there is no clear custom as to the amount a shadchanreceives, a rav should be consulted.
[34] Aruch ha-Shulchan, E.H. 50:42; Beis Yitzchak 1:115; Halichos Yisrael 4; Pischei Choshen, sechirus, pg. 337. When a shadchan does not get paid on time, the Biblical prohibition of delayed payment (bal talin) may apply; see Halichos Yisrael 1-2. See also Yismach Lev, vol. 1, pg. 23, quoting Rav C. Kanievsky
[35] Aruch ha-Shulchan, E.H. 50:42. But in a locality where the shadchan is customarily paid after the wedding, and the couple in question do not get married, the shadchan does not have to be paid; see Chut Shani, Shabbos, vol. 3, pg. 243.
[36] Levushei Mordechai C.M. 15, quoted in Pischei Choshen, ibid. See Halichos Yisrael 11, who discusses whether the shadchan should be paid if the shidduch was broken because of information of which the shadchan was unaware.