Desperation | Imamother

amother

Periwinkle

Fri, Jan 29 2016, 3:16 pm

Am I the only one who feels at times that I'd rather die than have to deal with my extreme financial situation?
I feel like it'll never be better, so why try and put in all the effort?

If I didn't care about being frum, maybe I'd manage financially.

Could live in a cheap area anywhere
Kids can go to public school
Buy whatever is on sale food and clothing wise
No shabbos and Yom tov expenses

I'm trying to figure out the point of it all, I can't afford anything! Lack of money is so degrading and demeaning.

Both DH and I work, we're always looking for better opportunities. we are both college educated but have no luck somehow.

I know that Hashem can help in the blink of an eye, and I wouldn't be happy not being frum.
I do want to be around to raise my kids but feel like the way I'm living now is not called living.

I've been living like this for years, it's so depressing.
I don't sit around moping, I'm actually involved in many things and help many people emotionally, by spending time and energy on people in different situations, they'd be shocked to hear me talk like this as I'm their support.

Just a vent, only Hashem can help me

amother

Wheat

Sat, Jan 30 2016, 8:17 pm

I know the financial pressure is crushing especially when you are doing the best you can. One morning as I was rushing to the babysitter worrying about our financial situation, I came across a homeless drunken couple kissing like nothing else mattered. I took a few lessons from this encounter. 1-Happiness is not dependent on being financially stable- it's a state of mind.2- nothing is as important as your family- focus on them with all your heart. 3- don't be busy with social norms. Do what feels right for you.

amother

Powderblue

Sat, Jan 30 2016, 11:56 pm

amother wrote:

Demeaning and degrading - yes

Crushing yes.

Couldn't have said it better.

Sigh.

Only working on my emunah saves my sanity

This Exactly. Says somewhere that being poor is like being Dead.

I feel very ungrateful saying these things because I do have A lot of things Money can't buy, but not knowing how bills rent tuition food or the very occasional basic clothing shoes or even underwear will be paid day in day out while working and commuting many hours Is hardly a life. The embarrassment is endless, for dh feeling inadequate for inability t provide is tearing him apart. He He has no time nor energy for the kids etc
Especially now with yt season coming up I'm seeing purim posts already, I'm afraid to even think about it, last year and 2 yrs ago an 5 and 6 and 7 years ago were always hoping next year this time it'll surely be easier.

But only with Emunah minute by minute are we still surviving. Many thanks to Rabbi David Ashiir Emunah Daily am I still breathing and desire to wake up tomorrow. Because Surely tomorrow will be the day of our personal yetzias mitzrayim.

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 3:44 pm

amother wrote:

I also find around Yom Tov time to be harder when we don't manage all year, how are we supposed to make Yom tov? I also have this thing that I keep thinking next year Yom Tov will be better, We do homemade mishshloach manos and homemade costumes, which I'd probably do anyway as I like it better, I think I resent the fact that I'm forced to or we wouldn't have costumes or mishloach manos.
I can't begin to think about how difficult Pesach is to make, there is no getting around the expenses. I live in a small town where there is very little help given for Peach and no one knows how bad our situation is, so no help at all. We only use Shmurah matzo, not an option at all to use machine, no cheap foods to fall back on like rice, pasta etc.

Growing wrote:

Quote:

personally think standards of living in our communities across the board are creeping up and up with no end in sight, contributing to this calamity

That's true, I actually live pretty simple compared to others. If we compare todays world to our parents raising us, it's so different. I don't buy all the convenience foods or ready made or sauces or mixes, I make my own everything.

Quote:

Demeaning and degrading - yes

Crushing yes.

Couldn't have said it better.

Sigh.

Only working on my emunah saves my sanity

I agree 100%, only emunah and hope that things will improve, every so often, when something is so hard I get into my slump again and have to trick myself into thinking it has to get better...