Does true Chesed exist?

amother

Olive

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 7:21 pm

An experience my husband just had left me wondering..

does true chesed exist in this world where one jew will do a favor or help out another jew just to help him out?
Or does every 'chesed' involve some sort of monetary compensation? like a tip or a donation or something.

Seems to me that chesed for the sake of chesed does NOT exist. People expect money for everything nowadays and a Handsome amount too.

Opinions?

amother

Linen

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 8:36 pm

My DH drives people too and from a hospital located about 15 minutes from where he works, and 1 1/2 hours away from where we live a few times a week.
There is no compensation and he has to leave extra early to pick them up and get to the hospital and get to work, and same on the way home.
He always tries to have a water bottle or something in the car for them and tries to keep an extra car seat in his trunk in case a child doesn't have one. (he will not drive if they don't have a carseat, especially an infant (!!), and it has been an issue in the past so he wants to be prepared so he doesn't have to make an issue about it)

amother

Babypink

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 9:11 pm

I have received numerous meals from Bikkur Cholims, rides from Chessed, help from Hatzolah, rescues from Chaverim, services from Chai Lifeline, help from Kapayim, packages from Tomchei Shabbos for a family member, visits from Mekimi, a trips from Ohr Meir, summers in Camp Simcha, support from Ohel, advice from Shalom Task Force, all for absolutely no pay and no mailing lists or requests for donations.

Mi keamcha yisroel!

I'm sorry you have had a bad experience, OP. Hug

ETA that this is only a partial list, not even including the individuals who went out of their way to make my life easier.

the world's best mom

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 9:25 pm

amother wrote:

ETA that this is only a partial list, not even including the individuals who went out of their way to make my life easier.

My family has recieved all the bolded as well.

I had two times that Chassidish men who don't know me at all drove me and dd to an appointment in Philadelphia. I tried to pay them, but they refused to accept it.

gittelchana

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 10:40 pm

True Chesed most certainly exists.

But so does true entitlement.

If you expect people to give to you for free, you feel entitled. If you are giving to others with no desire for anything in return, you're doing true Chesed.

Which one are YOU? Forget about everyone else.

zaq

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 2:17 pm

So young and already so cynical. How sad. I know and have known personally several people who are or were (if no longer alive) genuine baalei chessed for no other reason that ...they liked helping people! Maybe they thought it was the right thing to do, maybe seeing other people happy made them happy, maybe seeing others in distress caused them pain. What I will tell you is this: none of these people ever used the word "chesed" to describe the things they do for people. A favor, yes; helping out, yes; but never do they use that glittering term chesed.

I may be looking at things a bit cynically myself, but it seems to me that labeling any act you do as a chesed has a measure of gaavah, rather like calling yourself a tzaddik. The people I have in mind simply do or did things with the idea of "soandso needs something, I can provide it, why not?" This, to me, is true chesed: not to be able to call oneself a baal chesed; not because it's Chesed Week; not because we want the mitzvah points; not to impress a guy or the future in-laws; not because we're making deposits in our chesed bank to deserve a chesed in return; but for no other reason than plain, simple, unselfish humanity and menschlichkeit.

If you have never met such people, I suggest you find a different crowd to hang out with.

For that matter, every imamother who has given of her time and expertise to advise another imamother on anything from what forms one needs to provide when applying for a job to what brand of table napkins is softest is doing a chesed lishmah.

zaq

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 2:22 pm

Actually, OP, funny you should use the term "True Chesed". (A film with John Wayne?) Surely you are aware that the term "Chesed shel Emet" refers to taking care of the dead, preparing bodies for burial, accompanying them to burial and burying them. Given that people's circumstances change, you might one day find yourself the recipient of the same chesed from the person you helped today. But taking care of the dead is called "Chesed shel Emet" because it is one favor the recipient will NEVER be able to reciprocate.

amother

Slategray

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 2:41 pm

Two people who Id put on a list of GENUINE Baalei Chesed, with zero ulterior motive are

1- The elederly person David (forgot his last name) who walks through the entire Maimonides Hospital every Shabbos, maybe midweek too, and asks if anyone needs anything.

2- Avi Fishoff of "Twisted Parenting" who helps/advises parents of OTD kids, whom you can email with a question at 2:30 am and you'll often get an answer within the hour.

amother

Seafoam

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 3:12 pm

amother wrote:

I second Avi Fishofff.
As a side note. My husband is a hatzalah member. I do chessed every time he leaves the house and he obviously does too. The same with. Chevra Kedusha.
There is no return on this world. BUT yes, we do chessed because of what awaits us in the world to come.

finallyamommy

Sat, Feb 06 2016, 1:17 pm

zaq wrote:

Exactly what I was going to say.

amother

Jetblack

Sat, Feb 06 2016, 3:23 pm

I am sorry you are wondering. Maybe do chessed yourself and see if its true.
I have sent food, gave money anonymously ( to people in need not organizations, well also organizations ) I have lodged people, I have given people my own time, I washed dishes and folded clothing for someone when I didn't have money to help with something else...no one knows but my husband. And now here but I m posting anonymously. Go do something for someone, don't tell anyone, and taste the amazing taste of true happiness. And then come tell us if true chessed exists.

Raisin

Sat, Feb 06 2016, 4:27 pm

I was thinking that this was about people doing chesed for other reasons. Eg the person who takes her friends kids and gives them supper might expect friend to do a similar thing back for her when she needs it. People might join the chevra kadisha or other volunteer groups for social reasons, or to fill up their days with meaningful work, or even to fill up their CV. Some people just LIKE giving and doing things for other people. As a previous poster said, chesed makes the giver feel happy too. I'm sure we all know of the person who runs around doing chesed for other people but doesn't have time for their own kids.

mommy3b2c

Sat, Feb 06 2016, 10:00 pm

I'm sorry op, but I find your question bizarre. Have you never heard of the hundreds of Chesed organizations that exist to help people for no money?

My husband is hatzalah and runs on calls to help hundreds of people he doesn't know, Sometimes, several times a day. He also runs a Chesed organization that helps people with any or any type of problem they have. He doesn't get paid. I drive sick people to the hospital. I've taken old ladies shopping. I offer people rides and take them out of my way all the time. I babysit my nieces and nephews basically every time my siblings ask. My mom is a tutor who charges $80 an hour and is currently tutoring someone I know for free. The person offered to pay and my mom refused. She takes on at least one free case a year. The other day, I locked myself out of my house and chaverim came and let me in. I could keep writing my list forever...
I can't imagine what kind of world you live in if you have never done or received Chesed for no pay.

Seas

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 3:37 pm

When I saw the title I thought this would be a topic about whether pure chesed exists or is the good feeling we get a form of payment. The actual question however is, excuse me, ridiculous. In what world is the OP living that she doesn't experience or at least witness daily chesed?

amother

Mint

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 4:08 pm

Quote:

2- Avi Fishoff of "Twisted Parenting" who helps/advises parents of OTD kids, whom you can email with a question at 2:30 am and you'll often get an answer within the hour.

Who is he? What exactly does he do? I need someone like this desperately.

I've personally seen many incidents of helping g others with no hope of return benefits. I've been helped by Tomchei Shabbos, Hatzalah, Bikur Cholim and RCCS