Playing with children

amother

Lilac

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 6:30 pm

Please help me with my guilty conscious .I have a 3 year old girl and 2 year old girl. How often and how much do you sit down and play with them? I find that if they play quietly I rather sit on couch and do my own things. I do play with them. But always feel guilty not enough. Wondering how much you sit and play with them?

mummiedearest

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 6:48 pm

if they're not asking you to play with them, it's fine. they're learning to entertain themselves, and that's a good thing. do you do other things with them? read to them? let them help you with chores? you certainly don't have to play with them constantly.

flowerpower

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 6:50 pm

It's quality as they say, not quantity. It doesn't have to be sitting on the floor and playing. It can be talking to them etc... Children enjoy when you are there near them. If they are ok playing alone, as long as you show them that you are there then it is fine. Everyone has different ways of "playing" with their kids. Some read books and some do tickle fests....

Ashrei

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 6:50 pm

not as much as I should but I'll tell you, after working with a play therapist on my big girl I have learned so much about play. This is really how kids communicate. When they are pretending one menchie is chasing another, who? why? It all translates into their feelings, their fears, their favorite things, favorite people. ask questions, it's not just frivolities from their imagination. it's a window into their very thoughts. it makes "play" so relevant!

Ask: "how does the menchie feel now?"
"happy"
"I wonder what is making him happy?"
"his mommy is playing with him" Wink

etc

I think it's called filial therapy

PassionFruit

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 6:53 pm

Learn to play with them. There is no such thing as "just being bad at it." The benefits of play, meaning eye-contact, being interested in what they are interested in, mirroring their action, etc--is what builds their self-esteem, creates a strong trusting relationship, and has tremendous impact on their development. It is ok to sometime take advantage of the quiet and read, but you will all lose out so much in the long run if you don't make an effort to have really engaged play at all. I think a balanced approach would be making sure it happens at least three times a week for a half hour-hour [and the more the better]. No productivity in feeling guilty, just change your attitude to appreciate the impact and power you have in your role as their mother. Learn to enjoy it [not the play-doh, the relationship that blooms from it].

amother

Lilac

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 7:26 pm

It's so difficult though ..... To put urself down to their level and pretend play. I build clicks with her read a book by supper . Make puzzle play game sometimes . But than I'll go away and rest a little . Why do I feel guilty ?

Blue jay

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 8:44 pm

amother wrote:

You sound like a caring and loving mom. And yes Playful! Dont feel guilty! As long as your girls are smiling and they B'H have you close by they are happy!
By the way, your relationship doesn't have to be about all play. Talk to them, point out interesting things along the way to the store, enjoy the esclator ride at the mall. Observe together pigeons, blue jays interesting cats and dogs in the neighborhood. Pick up an apple in the store and marvel at it together "MMMM, so yummy.... Do you like it? Should mommy buy it?"

5*Mom

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 11:53 pm

flowerpower wrote:

It's quality as they say, not quantity.

Quantity definitely matters in the parent-child relationship! But if playing on the floor is not your thing, you can spend time connecting to them in other ways, as posters above have mentioned, such as doing household chores together, cooking and baking, reading, errands... If you really dislike playing and it is hard for you, that will come out when you force yourself to play with them and "yatza s'charo b'hefsedo." Do things with your children that you enjoy and they will feel that you enjoy being with them.

Also, when adults play with children we tend not to realize how we take over the lead. More than playing with us, children need unstructured play time where they are in the lead. So you really shouldn't interrupt them if they are engaged in their own play. Physical proximity, even if you're on the couch doing your own thing, is very valuable even if you're not interacting.

HonesttoGod

Tue, Feb 02 2016, 7:03 am

If they are happy playing by themselves then by all means go and do what needs to be done.
If they are cranky and begging you to play then play with them.

I find that my kids need me at times that I am busy such as supper time or morning rush.
I started reading my kids a book every morning. They each bring me a short story and I read it to them whilst I am still in bed. Then they are happy and I can get on with my morning preparations.
At night I need them to be busy so I can make supper and prepare bath and pjs etc so I often sit down, show them how to make a tower or tell t hem what I want them to build for me, a "test" so to speak and then they get busy working on it and when they are done I am ready to bathe/pj them but I spend 5 minutes oohing and ahhing over their creation first.

Like others said its not so much about the amount of time you spend but what you do/how you do the time you actually do spend with them.

Ruchel

Wed, Feb 03 2016, 8:56 am

I show them how to play, and play along if I feel like it.
I'm not a playmate, and I don't do it on the floor (maybe once a year Chanuka??) because it's uncomfy. I will play along if they propose a game I like, like hide and seek.

5*Mom

Wed, Feb 03 2016, 9:24 am

HonesttoGod wrote:

its not so much about the amount of time you spend but what you do/how you do the time you actually do spend with them.

I'd say it's the opposite: It really is about the amount of time you spend and not so much what you do as long as you all are engaged with each other and enjoying it.

musicmom

Wed, Feb 03 2016, 10:28 am

I agree that it must be beneficial for parents to play with their kids, but I am a very busy working mom, and when I do eek out time to spend with my kids, I try to read to them.

My kids are also close in age (5,4,3, and 1) and play together very nicely. I think a parent needs to get involved if there is a conflict or to stop an impending mess, but I am so grateful they can have so much fun together. My mother spent a lot of time playing with me, but my sister and I are 5.5 years apart. I think it is great that kids have ready made playmates in their siblings!

octopus

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 6:51 am

I think we are all good at different things. I love playing with my children. I really hate cleaning. So maybe I'm a good mom (sometimes), I'm a poor housekeeper. I don't think you should feel guilty. Maybe as they get older you can do some of the things you enjoy together with them. Do you enjoy puzzles? Reading? Board games? When they are older they will love doing these things with you! Right now if you give lots of hugs and kisses and just talk to them , I firmly believe you are more than okay.

amother

Lilac

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 7:38 am

octopus wrote:

Thank you! I guess we all wanna be perfect moms! But no one is perfect!