How to handle this situation

amother

Tan

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 10:53 am

Not sure how to handle this situation. We live on a block with a many boys and no girls around my kindergarten daughters age. A few months ago a girl in my daughter's class moved across the street. My daughter was very excited to finally have a neighbor to play with.

The day they moved in we went over and said hello, and I introduced myself to the mother. The mother we are so excited to have a friend on the block. Her daughter said I'm never playing with her, I'm only playing with my old neighbors and listed some names of girls in the class. Her mother said we don't live there anymore and these are our new neighbors. We said good bye and left. I figured she was having a hard time adjusting and she will warm up soon.

That week every day my daughter had another story, how she went over to play with this girl and each time the girl said don't talk to me, I'm not your friend. So I told my daughter to hang out with her friends because this girl doesn't want to play with her right now. My daughter said ok and stopped approaching her.

A few weeks later they came over on shabbos and asked if my daughter can come over and play. I spoke to my daughter and I said does she play with you in school now and she said yes and she has been very nice. So I said ok you can go play. I picked her up after 40 minutes because I didn't want to leave her there too long. I asked her how it went and she said the whole family was there and everyone was playing together and it was fine.

A few weeks after that they asked her to come over again, she begged to go so I said ok. I picked her up after an hour because I wasn't fully comfortable yet. My daughter told me she wasn't happy I picked her up so soon she wanted to stay longer. I asked her how it went and she said, she some not nice things to me but her mommy said to say I'm sorry. She didn't want to say what was said.

In middle of the night she comes to me and says I had a very bad dream so I said what was your dream and she says this girl broke my daughter's finger.

I'm not sure what to do at this point, they will probably keep asking her to come over. She will probably refuse to come over to us. And my daughter will beg to go. I hate that my daughter has no friends here and I really don't want to make it akward with the neighbors.

What would you do in this situation? Are there too many red flags?

SingALong

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 2:09 pm

I'd encourage more play dates at your house so you can supervise, and limit play dates there if your Dd seems unhappy. They are still young and have time to develop a relationship.
Btw my 4 yr old Dd frequently goes to friends and has friends over and they have arguments or fight over toys plenty. I will closely supervise they're play and step in as needed to settle things or help them work it out. I think it's normal for this age. They want friends but they're still learning how to share and get along.

chani8

Sat, Feb 06 2016, 11:32 am

My kids dont go to other people's houses unless I'm very comfortable. You cannot take back mistaken judgements. If your gut says 'no', then trust yourself.

I see no point in afterschool playmates, but if that is important to you, then take Singalong's advice and have the playdate be by you.

Safety first. Your child wont suffer from not having after school friends, but they can suffer for years from trauma. And some trauma's are preventable.