Until what age can I snuggle with my kids

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Jetblack

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 12:43 pm

Hi All,
When I put my kids to sleep I stay with each one on their bed for a few minutes to chat about their day. My question is regarding my bigger ones, a girl who will soon be 11 and a boy who is 8. Is it ok to lay down with them? I am by nature very affectionate and my kids are like that too (after having been raised by me : ) )..I am wondering if the rest of the world out there thinks its ok to lay down next to kids that age when they go to sleep.

chanchy123

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 12:46 pm

My 10.5 year old DD is not the cuddly type, but 9 yo DS likes to cuddle occasionally. Especially when he goes to sleep.

amother

Natural

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 12:48 pm

I would say for girls you can snuggle as long as they're comfortable with it, for boys there's probably an age limit.

amother

Purple

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 12:49 pm

As long as they want it keep it up

Moonlight

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 12:51 pm

As long as they don't resent it... until 120!

amother

Blue

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 12:55 pm

Like my Rav says "biz a hundred und tzvontzig gezunterheit!"

Clarissa

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 12:56 pm

Forever, if they'll let you. One of my sons loves cuddling, the other is more independent. But when he wants to hug, I love it.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 12:57 pm

amother wrote:

I would say for girls you can snuggle as long as they're comfortable with it, for boys there's probably an age limit.

How sad for people who think this is true.

amother

Natural

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:04 pm

mommy2b2c wrote:

How sad for people who think this is true.

Really? I think it's super weird for a mother to snuggle with her adult son. We're not talking about just hugging or touching. And on the flip side, I would not snuggle with my father.

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:19 pm

Thanks everyone! I'm glad its normal. I just wanted to make sure. And for the one concerned about snuggling with an adult son, lol, I defenitely agree that would be inappropriate. He is only 8.

amother

Purple

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:23 pm

My sisters new couple were at her for shabbos... her machetainista walked over on shabbos to "say good shabbos" to them snd to give her son a "shabbos kiss" this is in yeshivish circles. I was amaized. I thought it was beautiful

amother

Natural

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:28 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks everyone! I'm glad its normal. I just wanted to make sure. And for the one concerned about snuggling with an adult son, lol, I defenitely agree that would be inappropriate. He is only 8.

Yeah, 8 is still really young. I think it's so sweet that your kids still like to snuggle, I hope mine will at that age.

observer

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:32 pm

Totally fine! As long as they want it.

amother

Lime

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:45 pm

My teenage sisters-in-law used to sleep in their father's bed with him when they weren't feeling well- usually from menstrual cramps. I thought that was inappropriate. But I guess to each his own.

mommyla

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:46 pm

amother wrote:

Really? I think it's super weird for a mother to snuggle with her adult son. We're not talking about just hugging or touching. And on the flip side, I would not snuggle with my father.

I don't think I'd snuggle with an adult daughter either Scratching Head

heidi

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:48 pm

I think the definition of snuggling changes as kids get older.
My 21 year old son will recline on my husband's bed, or come lie on the couch and chat with me while I do laundry or relax. I love it!!! That's my idea of snuggling with him.
I cover my 13 year old, but don't lie in bed with him anymore. I did till he was about 7. Now I sit on the side of his bed and we chat about his day and then I give him a kiss good night. It's the kind of feelings that snuggling generates without the actual weird factor.

nyer1

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:51 pm

amother wrote:

Really? I think it's super weird for a mother to snuggle with her adult son. We're not talking about just hugging or touching. And on the flip side, I would not snuggle with my father.

it's not hugging or touching? I think it's super weird for you to think snuggling is anything more than that.

amother

Blush

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:55 pm

amother wrote:

My teenage sisters-in-law used to sleep in their father's bed with him when they weren't feeling well- usually from menstrual cramps. I thought that was inappropriate. But I guess to each his own.

I guess what constitutes appropriate is probably cultural (and I don't mean Litvish/Chassidish necessarily).
For illustration-
When I was a young teen, I once stayed at my (non-Orthodox) grandmother's with my (pretty machmir yeshivish BT) father. The room she wanted me to sleep in had displayed, among other things, a collection of small animal skulls that freaked me out. I wanted to sleep in the same room as my father (in the other half of a bunk bed). My grandmother thought it was inappropriate but my father said halachically a parent can share even a bed with their opposite-gender child, even if the child is grown, so long as both are properly clothed. I don't know where the exact source is.

Moonlight

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 1:55 pm

Uh, I think you guys are defining Snuggling in different ways. OP was talking about continuing snuggling the way she does with her 8 and 11 yr olds. We were not talking anything too....

gold21

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 2:02 pm

Theres no age limit on a mom snuggling with her kids. As long as both the mom and kids are happy to snuggle, then snuggle away.

No, dont snuggle with your adult son. Then again, dont snuggle with your adult daughter either. Just dont snuggle with adult children, period.

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