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You only get three . . .
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 2:33 am
If your OTD young adult child was leaving to go out into the big world on his/her own, which halachot would you beg them to keep? You only get three wishes.

Posted under halacha, because this is for a discussion on halacha, not about OTD people (and whether or not they'd do what you want).
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5mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 2:56 am
Shabbos, kashrus, taharas hamishpacha. The pillars of Jewish life. But probably unlikely that the person would agree. In which case, tefilla, kibbud av v'em and Pesach seder.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 3:01 am
I started this thread and cannot figure out how to answer it.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 3:02 am
1. Dont eat pork.
2. Dont light a fire on shobbos.
3.
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Bitachon101




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 3:03 am
I had a teacher that once told us that the one mitzvah she wants us to promise ourselves we will never ever compromise is TH. There are a few girls from the class that are OTD at various levels. I'd never ask but I wouldn't be surprised if they held onto it to some degree.

Other mitzvahs I'd suggest doing what the child can relate to probably something bein Adam lachavero like lashon hara and hashavas aveida. It keeps them connected. You could also suggest shema. I have a friend OTD but she says shema with her kids every night.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 3:16 am
So this is not exactly the same, but my husband grew up in south africa in a secular society. Meaning, everyone was jewish, but nobody kept anything really. BUT, that being said, there are two things that I know most of his friends still do as they are adults.
They know they will marry jewish no matter what, and many of them do not eat pork, no matter what. They may eat in a non kosher restaurant but not actual chazer.
Those are the two I would ask, but it would have to be their choice completely
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 3:34 am
1. No pork or shellfish

2. Yom Kippur
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grace413




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 4:24 am
1. Kibud Av V'Em
2. Marry somebody Jewish
3. Ve'ahavtcha L'rayecha Kamocha.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 4:59 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
So this is not exactly the same, but my husband grew up in south africa in a secular society. Meaning, everyone was jewish, but nobody kept anything really. BUT, that being said, there are two things that I know most of his friends still do as they are adults.
They know they will marry jewish no matter what, and many of them do not eat pork, no matter what. They may eat in a non kosher restaurant but not actual chazer.
Those are the two I would ask, but it would have to be their choice completely


I know similar types of people and they will not eat any non kosher meat. They do friday night dinners as well.

I think shabbos, kashrus and thm (at least at some level) would be the big three.

While we are asking why only 3? Is this theoretical?
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 5:21 am
Raisin wrote:
I know similar types of people and they will not eat any non kosher meat. They do friday night dinners as well.

I think shabbos, kashrus and thm (at least at some level) would be the big three.

While we are asking why only 3? Is this theoretical?


When an OTD child is walking out the door, you have to be short and sweet and subtle.

"I know you're not religious anymore, but just for me, can you please . . . "

You probably dont get even three requests. One is already intrusive. So, choose wisely.

I hope it's only theoretical. Not so, for me.
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myself




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 5:29 am
chani8 wrote:
1. Dont eat pork.
2. Dont light a fire on shobbos.
3.


Shouldn't marrying a Jew be one of the three?

May no one ever be in the situation where they have to choose. Hug
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vicki




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 5:30 am
What a good question. I'd probably choose three that would exercise their Yiddishe neshame in hopes they'd return when ready.

1. Kibbud Horim
2. Saying Shema
3. Fasting on Yom Kippur

I'm sure other things will occur to me.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 5:32 am
Raisin wrote:
While we are asking why only 3? Is this theoretical?

This
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 5:48 am
myself wrote:
Shouldn't marrying a Jew be one of the three?

May no one ever be in the situation where they have to choose. Hug


Thank you for the hug. Smile

I married a non-jew and it was the best thing I ever did. So I dont see intermarriage as the end of the world.

To me, my child not believing in G-d would be the worst.thing.ever. G-d first, religion second.
After all, G-d saved my life, religion just complicated it.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 5:54 am
chani8 wrote:
1. Dont eat pork.
2. Dont light a fire on shobbos.
3.


3. Make a shobbos seudah (weekly).
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5mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 6:21 am
Sometimes there's nothing to do but love. Hugs.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 6:31 am
I didn't want this thread turned into mushy huggy stuff, nor be all about me.

I want to know what you all think you'd do.
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myself




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 6:59 am
chani8 wrote:
I didn't want this thread turned into mushy huggy stuff, nor be all about me.

I want to know what you all think you'd do.


I think it would depend on the child. Probably best to ask for things you (general you Wink) know they could keep. Does the child smoke? Is smoking on Shabbos inevitable?
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mille




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 7:11 am
grace413 wrote:
1. Kibud Av V'Em
2. Marry somebody Jewish
3. Ve'ahavtcha L'rayecha Kamocha.


I was just about to post these exact three. With the possible exception of #2, I think they are the most important and most realistic for an OTD Jew to keep.

I also think that saying "keep the halacha of taharat hamishpacha" is not really fair - it's a lot more than 3 halachot just for this one mitzvah! It'd be one thing if you say "go to the mikvah monthly" or "don't have PIV s-x while the wife has her period"... But TM is very involved with a lot of intricate halachot. Same with Shabbat and Kashrut... They are very involved and not just one thing. Also, if you are demanding they keep shabbat, kashrut, and taharat hamishpacha... How OTD are they, really? Maybe just orthoprax?
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 10 2016, 7:34 am
mille wrote:
I was just about to post these exact three. With the possible exception of #2, I think they are the most important and most realistic for an OTD Jew to keep.

I also think that saying "keep the halacha of taharat hamishpacha" is not really fair - it's a lot more than 3 halachot just for this one mitzvah! It'd be one thing if you say "go to the mikvah monthly" or "don't have PIV s-x while the wife has her period"... But TM is very involved with a lot of intricate halachot. Same with Shabbat and Kashrut... They are very involved and not just one thing. Also, if you are demanding they keep shabbat, kashrut, and taharat hamishpacha... How OTD are they, really? Maybe just orthoprax?


Right! There are varying degrees of OTD. With one person, you're teaching s-xual safety! Not Taharat Hamishpacha. With another, you might be able to encourage, "no s-x for 7 days" and with another you might be able to encourage the major undertaking of mikva. You're Not going to be able to convince them to keep 12-14 days. Just not. Which is why I learned up what the Torah teaches so that I can encourage 'bottom line' to those who might accept that much.

With shobbos it's the same way. The main outright malacha that an OTD would transgress is fire, dont you think? If they're a smoker, forget it, no way they'll forgo their smokes. But otherwise, what is worse, lighting a fire or cooking? Would it be better to encourage them to not light a fire and not cook, or overlook those and encourage a positive act, like, "make a shobbos seudah," even if they're going to cook it on shobbos.

Encourage positive acts that can be uplifting, rather than begging them to avoid certain transgressions because that is negative and seems controlling. "Do a shobbos seuda because it might make you happy." versus "Dont make fire or cook on shobbos because I dont want you to make G-d angry at you." Hmmm.
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