The House Where I Grew Up - a poem

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Feb 25 2016, 11:33 pm

The House Where I Grew Up

I dream the house where I grew up is listed as “for sale.”
I know I have to buy it and I know I cannot fail.

I call to set a showing, but am greeted with a laugh.
I preserve, I go to see the house I have to have.

They tell me I don’t want it, though their reasons undefined.
They say that it is broken, but they cannot change my mind.

The house is now decrepit, growing older by the day.
I do not heed their warnings, nor the things they have to say.

I don’t have any money for repairs, but I am clever.
And I can live here anyway and fix it up forever.

I’ll sand the wood, replace the carpets, find another knob.
I’ll never rest until I finish every single job.

I’ll put in new linoleum, I’ll fix the damaged plumbing.
I’ll look the other way from what it is that I’m becoming.

I’ll tame the wild bushes, I will make the yard behave.
I’ll stay inside the house until the house becomes my grave.

I don’t care if it’s ugly, or if mold has been denied.
It’s only just as timeworn as the memories inside.

At first I try to fix it, as my heart and head collide.
But now I am content to only hunker down inside.

Apparently it doesn’t matter if I’m done or not.
The house that was my home has turned to nauseating rot.

I’ll live here in the wreckage of my childhood that’s passed.
The memories are bad and good, but memories don’t last.

The house is not the same now, because now it’s old and worn.
I love it just the same, and I will die where I was born.

I love the house, the memories, the way they make me feel.
There’s only just one caveat – that none of it is real.

tigerwife

Thu, Feb 25 2016, 11:40 pm

Wow. So beautiful and deep (and a good rhythm! Wink

). Are you actually basing this off of yourself? (Not actually buying your childhood home, but feeling like you're stuck trying to fix the past instead of building a future?)

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Feb 25 2016, 11:43 pm

Yes. You got it.

robynm

Thu, Feb 25 2016, 11:53 pm

I have serious chills.

Really powerful and emotional writing.

Can also relate as I am trying to move on from the past.

happyfaces

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 12:19 am

beautifully written op

youngishbear

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 12:34 am

The rythm is amazing, provocative, angry, determined, raw...

Very powerful imagery. You've got talent!

I wish you inner peace, and healing. Keep moving forward. Hug