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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Play dates and birthday parties



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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Thu, Feb 25 2016, 7:58 pm
At what age do you allow your child to make their own play date without parental involvement (so you don't know if the other parent consented or not) or attend a birthday party that she claims someone is making (but you haven't heard anything from the parent nor received an invitation)?

My daughter is 9 and I always tell her that I need to be able to confirm with the other mom before allowing her to make arrangements and before dropping her off somewhere. I need to know ahead of time if the parent will be home and if they actually want her to come.

Today my daughter throws the phone at me and says x's mom wants to talk to you. I say hello and there's a mom on the phone (who I've never spoke to before) asking me what sort of note or invitation I need because she's not sending any invitations as its just small party. I asked her to back up because I didn't understand what she was referring to. Turns out that in school today, her daughter invited my daughter to her birthday party and my daughter told her she can't come unless she gets an invitation or note. Lol.

I just explained to DD that a birthday party is like a play date and she doesn't have to demand invitations and just has to explain that she can only go somewhere if it's prearranged with the moms and a phone call is just fine.

Do people really have their children arrange their own play dates and parties without checking with moms? Am I unreasonable to not allow my daughter to just go places on her own without any checking? DD is so embarrassed she's crying. At what age do you let your child make her own arrangements?

Thanks.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 25 2016, 8:03 pm
amother wrote:
At what age do you allow your child to make their own play date without parental involvement (so you don't know if the other parent consented or not) or attend a birthday party that she claims someone is making (but you haven't heard anything from the parent nor received an invitation)?

My daughter is 9 and I always tell her that I need to be able to confirm with the other mom before allowing her to make arrangements and before dropping her off somewhere. I need to know ahead of time if the parent will be home and if they actually want her to come.

Today my daughter throws the phone at me and says x's mom wants to talk to you. I say hello and there's a mom on the phone (who I've never spoke to before) asking me what sort of note or invitation I need because she's not making an invitations as its just small party. I asked her to back up because I didn't understand what she was referring to. Turns out that in school today, her daughter invited my daughter to her birthday party this Sunday and my daughter told her she can't come unless she has an invitation or note. Lol.

I just explained to DD that a birthday party is like a play date and she doesn't have to demand invitations and just has to explain that she can only go somewhere if it's prearranged with the moms and a phone call is just fine.

Do people really have their children arrange their own play dates and parties without checking with moms? Am I unreasonable to not allow my daughter to just go places on her own without any checking? DD is so embarrassed she's crying. At what age do you let your child to make her own arrangements?

Thanks.


Not 9, that's for sure.
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Thu, Feb 25 2016, 8:08 pm
OP here. Thank you. I was thinking that I might allow her to make her own arrangements once I allow her to walk to certain places herself. Probably around 12. For sure not at age 11 yet. What do you think?
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 25 2016, 8:09 pm
I was going to say 12. I can't be sure because my oldest is 9. While he can behave very maturely sometimes, 9 is really still a baby.
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Thu, Feb 25 2016, 8:12 pm
Thank you. I was just trying to figure out if I am being an unreasonable mom as this has happened with other moms too who allow their daughters to make their own arrangements and I always have to insist on speaking to the moms first. DD seems to think I'm being unreasonable Smile
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 25 2016, 9:26 pm
I think your policy is very reasonable. You need to know where your child is and who is responsible for her, and the only way to do that is to be in direct contact with the adults involved. Unless MAYBE it's your next door neighbor with whom you have a rotating open door policy, I would think that any parent who allows their 9-year-old to set up their own comings and goings is not being responsible.
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lfab




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2016, 10:35 am
Can't say for sure since my oldest is only 7 but I would think at around the same age I would be comfortable leaving my child home alone for brief periods, maybe 12 or so.
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