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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
Orchid
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Wed, Mar 02 2016, 6:28 pm
I get a chessed girl from a local high school coming to volunteer to help me once a week for an hour. I didn't know her from before. She would usually bring a friend and usually I would use the opportunity cook for shabbos.
She doesn't live in the neighborhood, she boards. I saw her last Sunday while we were out walking in the neighborhood. While she usually would come one a certain day, I told her I was flexible and she would text me to confirm. Come Wednesday I hadn't heard from her, so I assumed we were on for Thursday and texted her to see if she was coming--no response. Thursday afternoon the friend called me up telling me that she hadn't seen the other girl for a few days in school, so she asked if she could come. I told her yes.
This week the friend called me up saying that the original girl won't be coming "for a while" so she will be coming by herself. The original girl hasn't contacted me at all.
2 questions--1)should I call/text the girl to find out if she's ok? Are we talking a "sprained ankle"? mono? other illness c"v? or illness/problem in the family? Or is that being nosy? I'm a mother and I guess its a motherish reaction to
2) For some reason my baby (1 year-old) who is pretty happy and friendly, loves her regular babysitter and has no problem with most people holding her, goes ballistic when this "friend" comes--and won't let me put her down. I didn't have this problem with the other girl. I'm only in the kitchen while the girl comes and I don't suspect c"v that she's done anything, I don't know what's causing this reaction but it means I can't get much done during that hour--which is kind of counter productive--what should I do?
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debsey
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Wed, Mar 02 2016, 6:44 pm
amother wrote: | I get a chessed girl from a local high school coming to volunteer to help me once a week for an hour. I didn't know her from before. She would usually bring a friend and usually I would use the opportunity cook for shabbos.
She doesn't live in the neighborhood, she boards. I saw her last Sunday while we were out walking in the neighborhood. While she usually would come one a certain day, I told her I was flexible and she would text me to confirm. Come Wednesday I hadn't heard from her, so I assumed we were on for Thursday and texted her to see if she was coming--no response. Thursday afternoon the friend called me up telling me that she hadn't seen the other girl for a few days in school, so she asked if she could come. I told her yes.
This week the friend called me up saying that the original girl won't be coming "for a while" so she will be coming by herself. The original girl hasn't contacted me at all.
2 questions--1)should I call/text the girl to find out if she's ok? Are we talking a "sprained ankle"? mono? other illness c"v? or illness/problem in the family? Or is that being nosy? I'm a mother and I guess its a motherish reaction to
2) For some reason my baby (1 year-old) who is pretty happy and friendly, loves her regular babysitter and has no problem with most people holding her, goes ballistic when this "friend" comes--and won't let me put her down. I didn't have this problem with the other girl. I'm only in the kitchen while the girl comes and I don't suspect c"v that she's done anything, I don't know what's causing this reaction but it means I can't get much done during that hour--which is kind of counter productive--what should I do? |
1) I see nothing wrong with calling and expressing your concern. She's a nice kid, she's done you a favor, now she's not coming, you hear she's sick - of course you can call and tell her that you hope she is feeling better, ask if there's anything you can do to help her. You don't need to know details of what's wrong. But it's nice to express caring and concern.
2) I wouldn't read too much into your 1 year old going "ballistic" over the friend - stranger anxiety develops at about one year. Can you give the friend the kitchen jobs while you stand near her holding the baby? Eventually, the baby will warm up and it will be fine. Meanwhile, instead of HER holding the baby while YOU chop onions or wash dishes, make it vice versa.
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amother
Orchid
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Wed, Mar 02 2016, 6:54 pm
OP here,
For question 1) I only have the girl's cell phone number and she didn't text me back last week, should I call again? Should I ask the chessed coordinator from the school if she knows what happened?
2) I know all about stranger anxiety, and it could be that--but it seems so random, she likes everyone else and this girl has been coming weekly with the other girl, so she's not entirely a stranger--and its so intense, more than anyone else. Also my other kids like to play with her so they would miss playing with her if she would help me in the kitchen. Also I'm not good at delegating kitchen stuff to other people.
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cm
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Wed, Mar 02 2016, 8:33 pm
Be sure to express your concern without being nosy. No need to say/ text "what's wrong?" Better would be, "we miss you and are a little concerned. I hope you are doing ok."
Certainly contact the school to confirm who is coming and for what timeframe (a week? The rest of the year?). Actually, the chesed coordinator should have contacted you if the assignment was changed. Once again, express concern without asking what happened to the original girl.
Babies are unpredictable. Even family members can make a one-year-old nervous at that stage, if they don't see each other every day. If you do not want to delegate kitchen tasks and the baby won't stay with her, maybe you could delegate housework instead. I always found it hard to vacuum, do laundry or clean the bathrooms when my baby wanted attention at that age.
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debsey
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Wed, Mar 02 2016, 9:35 pm
amother wrote: | OP here,
For question 1) I only have the girl's cell phone number and she didn't text me back last week, should I call again? Should I ask the chessed coordinator from the school if she knows what happened?
2) I know all about stranger anxiety, and it could be that--but it seems so random, she likes everyone else and this girl has been coming weekly with the other girl, so she's not entirely a stranger--and its so intense, more than anyone else. Also my other kids like to play with her so they would miss playing with her if she would help me in the kitchen. Also I'm not good at delegating kitchen stuff to other people. |
1) I wouldn't call the coordinator - that could read as you being nosy or "telling" on her.
2) Get used to delegating. It will make your life much better!
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