Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
9 yo boy who hits his mother



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Lavender


 

Post Sat, Mar 12 2016, 7:40 pm
Title says it all, he does it when he is frustrated, angry with a sibling, has been told to go to go to room, or whatever. I know l shouldn't hit back, but sometimes it's very hard, and he hurts. Not sure how to handle it, anyone with brilliant ideas?
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 12 2016, 7:50 pm
Has he been diagnosed for any sensory processing disorders?

My 12 still hits, although thank G-d she's cut down a lot on her biting. She does this when she is overstimulated, and needs a time out. She can handle small bursts of activity and excitement, but gets overwhelmed very quickly.

I mentioned in another post, that when girls surround her in school and start playing with her hair, she will hit and slap at them to get her to back off.

See if you can locate your son's triggers, find out what overwhelms him, and then find out ways to cut it back before it gets to the hitting point. Sometimes you'll see "that look in his eyes".

Ask him if he wants to get away to a quiet place for a minute. For your kid, "Time Out" should not be a punishment, it should be a safe place where no one can pester or annoy him for a few minutes. If you present it like that, you'll have a lot more success.

Learning self soothing techniques will help him as he gets older, but it's not easy to do, and very easy to forget when you're in the moment. He'll nee a lot of patience and consistency, with gentle reminders.

Validate his feelings, while telling him that he needs to find a better way of expressing himself. Maybe while he's in his room, he can draw pictures of what is bugging him, and what he would like to do about it. A little spontaneous art therapy can go a long way.

I haven't been bitten in a couple of days now, and only hit a few times a day, so I feel like this technique shows major progress!
Back to top

amother
Lavender


 

Post Sat, Mar 12 2016, 7:54 pm
Thanks ff... Just wanted to say, you sound like an absolute tzeddekes. I'll see what I can do about what you said. He has no diagnosis, but in general is quite an anxious person.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 12 2016, 8:04 pm
BINGO!

DD is also a very anxious person. Hitting is not violence, it's a way of expressing misery, but not having the words at that moment. Just like when a baby cries, you need to figure out what that cry means, and what the baby wants.

Don't look at your son as a bad kid, even though he seems to be "a big boy and should know better." Sensory issues can be tough to sort out.

When we become adults, the only difference is that we learn that we can't hit people, so we internalize it and get headaches, stomach aches, over eat, or find other compensating mechanisms. That's why learning self soothing techniques is so incredibly important.

If the hitting is really upsetting your son and the family, therapy for anxiety can really help a lot. A good therapist can teach him how to help himself, how to find his triggers, and how to set healthy boundaries so he can avoid his triggers.

For example, DD declined an invitation to a bas mitzvah party, because she knew that it was going to be disco themed, with loud music and lots of dancing. Her friends all pressured her to go, but she knew from therapy that if she went, it would be an anxiety trigger. She stayed home, did quiet activities, and had a perfectly good time. The other girls came back to school the next day, complaining about the noise and the crowd!
Back to top

amother
Lavender


 

Post Sat, Mar 12 2016, 8:51 pm
Thankyou. I was a just looking into an anxiety workshop for him. Maybe this will help some.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 12 2016, 8:55 pm
amother wrote:
Thankyou. I was a just looking into an anxiety workshop for him. Maybe this will help some.


If you have a Children's Hospital near you, check with their pediatric psychiatry department. I know that they take Medicare, and we got 7 weeks of therapy, as well as parenting classes.
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 12 2016, 9:00 pm
Love what FF says.

I'm a big fan of the Nurtured Heart approach -- if you haven't already read the book, it's worth reading.
Back to top

greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 12 2016, 10:15 pm
raising anxiety riddled kids are tough - just wanted to say there is help out there be strong & good luck

also see if you can get him into a 'big brother' program ... they do things with the kids - takes the off your hands for an hour or so & also gives the kid some self-esteem through the attention
Back to top

freedomseek




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 12 2016, 10:56 pm
imasinger wrote:
Love what FF says.

I'm a big fan of the Nurtured Heart approach -- if you haven't already read the book, it's worth reading.

I second this approach. Worked very well with a child many would've diagnosed with adhd. He's doing wonderfully at home and in school bh.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Clothes Shopping List for Baby Boy
by Sushi22
3 Yesterday at 1:56 am View last post
4 yr old boy wedding
by amother
3 Wed, Mar 27 2024, 11:05 am View last post
Boy's Tzitzes
by amother
0 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 1:18 pm View last post
Baby boy leaking out of his diapers
by amother
3 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 11:55 am View last post
Iso toddler boy clothes hand me downs 18months-2t 2 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 8:41 pm View last post